I’m going to go a little bit diary on you, so forgive me if you can’t follow!
Today I slept in because last night turned into a later (fun!) night than I thought it might. It also involved more m&ms and beer, and me having to tell myself “it’s okay even if you had eaten the whole bag, which you didn’t” and stopping any bingeing inklings. Because the truth is, m&ms are fine, and even a half a bag is OK if it wasn’t in a bingeing setting. I do NOT do this on a daily basis and the risk with it is that I let it drive me to restrict, to overeat, to alter things in any way. Instead I’m looking at how I kind of wanted to keep going with eating them as a signal: why? Why do I want to sabotage myself when I start to feel good? With my old belief, I get it. I would be restricting soon and I would then be eating as a “last chance” kind of thing. But the truth is, if I can believe that “I am perfect the way I am” and that “My body will take care of itself in terms of weight” and just keep trying to do this til I make it, forgiving any little “mistakes” and seeing them as learning opportunities/insight, I don’t have to feel bad about anything. So I’m not, which is refreshing! I know normally the day after I go out, I feel bad—even if I haven’t binged. But when I look back on my m&m indulgence from a place of curiosity…hmmm…and see that I was a) hungry b) tired and c) tempted to use them as a way to sabotage, I don’t have to feel that guilt.
So anyways, ranting done. I started today off with my trusty bowl of cereal/nut butter spoon and now I’m just doing some lazy sitting stuff while I work up the energy to do my training! I know I’ll feel energized after a bike ride (which I think I’m doing inside since it’s a bit chilly and I rode outside all week) and maybe some yoga! I’ve got Sunday Funday to look forward to and then I think I’m heading to Sarnia for the evening.
I wanted to share the guest post I loved about injury on Carrots n Cake. I am clicking over to WY I Run because I can relate to the insight on injury oh so much! I might not have had a hip stress fracture (though I was sure I did), but with my spending three months off and coming back slowly I can totally relate to this stuff! I also really liked the post on Drop it and Eat it about what happens when you change your relationship with food (it might as well be with yourself, I truly think our relationship with food mirrors our relationship with ourself a la Geneen Roth) — while it’s “thrilling, liberating…refreshing” as the post says, it’s also “frightening” — so true! I think, and the post takes a similar view, that at some point you realize that it’s not worth it and that since you are in control of your own life, you just have to get excited about the potential, not scared of the possibilities. Amen to that!