Looking back, this weekend shoulda made me feel good…
Friday was fun and Saturday was off to a good start. I had a nice movie date, tea, cereal for dinner, bought some new boots, got to see my friends and my family…
Sunday was also a seemingly awesome day filled with blogging, looking back on my week, and a trip to Sarnia for a sunny 50km bike ride, a coffee date, and Sunday dinner.
But, I ended the night on the verge of a binge. I don’t hide stuff, so let’s just say I dominated some yogurt and crackers. FYI I know it’s okay to eat these things and I know it’s normal to eat more, and I probably needed a bit more after the ride, etc., but at the same time that I’m being gentle with myself, I realize that it was emotionally driven snacking and that I did most of it standing in the kitchen over the sink, telling myself that I shouldn’t be.
And that’s kind of where this post is headed…
Why am I telling myself I shouldn’t? Why am I finding ways to beat myself up, to this day?
The why part is the toughie, but I am at least aware of the ways I’m setting myself up to feel bad:
- my apartment isn’t a disaster, but I definitely deserve to put the stack of clothes that’s just been sitting there for a week away–it’s not like I’m too busy?
- I have a freelance assignment that I should just write (my sources are in) but I keep sitting around doing nothing in particular on the computer instead
- I am back to my old habit of drinking 4-5 decaf coffees a day and chewing at least a pack of gum daily. It’s not ED stuff–I am still eating plenty and it’s not to disguise my hunger, but I am still not happy about it.
- I am not doing my physio exercises or foam rolling very much at all.
- I am beating myself up for not sticking to my training plan. This is a big one…and I think that it deserves a post in itself.
- I am eating extra everything–cereal and fruit and nut butter in the morning, cheese at lunch, yogurt at snack times, chocolate in between meals, meat and croutons, etc. at dinner and whatever at night. Regardless of whether I pour a huge bowl/serve a massive plate of it, I still eat extra.
- When it comes to little stuff (laundry, taking my recycles down, doing my dishes): JUST DO IT. I deserve to live in a place that’s clean and organized.
- Eat at the table. Notice when I want to eat emotionally.
- Eat different things — I think the monotony is getting to me (here’s a bit of a twist on breakfast with yogurt and grapes instead of milk and banana).
- Focus on drinking more water. My belly can only hold so much liquid–so hopefully this helps with the decaf issue.
- Work on the things I know I should — my freelance article is on tap today.
I think it’s so easy for us to beat ourselves up over little things, but it’s great that you are able to recognize them and write them out like this. Love the quotes as well! <3
Thanks — I’m trying!
Great quotes right there and I can relate about being too hard on myself. I think patience is key because I tend to think I should just be able to snap out of it and change but it doesn’t happen that way. I had to make a rule for myself to always eat sitting down because that is a huge trigger for me. Hang in there!
It’s so true. I hate that I feel this way, but I’m the only one who can be nicer to myself!
Ah I can totally relate. I think most of us are our own worst critics! It’s so easy to beat yourself up about silly things like your workouts, what you eat, how productive you are….and then you get stressed, and binge, instead of just being productive…yeahhh I’ve been part of that vicious cycle. Sometimes that little ED voice really does make you self-sabotage without even realizing it!! But I think you’ve got a good plan – just get shit done today so you can feel productive (that always helps me when I feel crappy – I clean stuff, do chores, organize etc). And the training plan…don’t beat yourself up TOOOO much about it, but I think this provides a good impetus for you to reeaally re-evaluate your goals and the plan (something every athlete needs to do every once in awhile!!) – maybe it’d be better to NOT have a plan? or to have “guidelines” rather than a set-in-stone plan? anyway, now seems to be a good time for you to evaluate all that
. As for me, when I get into a cycle of self-sabotaging and feeling like crap….sometimes what really works is for me to kind of step back and tell myslef, “No, actually, you’re better than this. Come on, step it up.” makes me get my ass back in gear!
So true — but we deserve to give ourselves props for being awesome. Right now I tore my apartment apart so it’s a self imposed disaster stone. This. is. spring. cleaning!
i love your honesty. it can be so easy to beat yourself up after anything, especially a binge. but life happens! it sucks at the moment but at least you realized some of the triggers
Thanks for the support. I don’t have shame, regret, etc. when I can learn from it.
First, thank you for the shout out Cheryl! I am seriously lovign these quotes and they certainly can be applied in my life right now, and used as reminders and encouragement! I am pretty “good” at beating myself up over everything, but it is best to move forward and learn from it
Thanks Tessa! I love your blog — I really feel like your posts make me think about important things, and that’s huge!
What I love about your blog and you, Cheryl, is that you’re SO REAL (and that you update it religiously! love, love, love it!). You say it how it is, and how your day actually was. Kudos to you for being honest. I think everyone can relate to this post – especially the fitness enthusiasts! We’re not perfect, yeah, we binge and have cravings like normal people. I’ve eaten over my sink plenty of times – i blame it on my mom..she used to do it and still does while eating fruit..i once thought it was normal..haha!
I like how you had an “action plan” of what you’ll do to take better care of yourself. Pretty sure we can all follow that plan!
This means a lot to me! Blogging and being totally honest has helped me SO MUCH! I have never been this aware of the things I’m doing–and just by being aware, I know I’m one step closer to being free from them. I think it’s normal for women especially to eat in ways that don’t really serve us, but kudos to you for noticing where the habit comes from. Even if you just accept it, it kind of loses its power, ya know? If it doesn’t matter anyways, who cares if you eat over the sink, you might not do it? I don’t know if that makes sense…but all I know is we all deserve to smile and take the best care of ourselves possible.