Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about Andrea Owen’s little tidbit of advice and kind of applying the idea that “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no” to how I’m living. There are a lot of things that are a hell no that I’ve been doing that I’ve either stopped or am actively trying to stop and this post is going to be dedicated to pointing some of those out. I just feel the need to share and whether you’re recovering or just maybe trying to be happier or to figure out how to live on purpose, I hope this gets you thinking. Maybe you could write out your own list–in a journal, on a blog, etc.–to do a little reality check?
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What’s the point in:
- Doing races you’re not even looking forward to? — There are pros who have to do races. I’m not one of them. I’m not feeling like doing Woodstock this month, so I am not. Easy as that. There will always be another race that you actually want to do.
- Complaining? – Must remind myself of this one more often. But seriously, all it does is bring your mood down, draw attention and give power to the bad, and hide the good.
- Feeling slow? – Give yourself credit for doing it instead.
- Comparing yourself to others? – You either get a big head if you feel “better” than someone or you feel bad about yourself if you’re not up to snuff. Recognize that you are awesome but that other people are allowed to be just as awesome as you are. There is plenty of room at the top (whether this is about a job, your training, your body, whatever–we all deserve to be our best!).
- Pretending you’re okay when you really need help? – If you’re struggling, admitting it is scary. I get that. But acting like you’re okay doesn’t give you the credit you deserve (cuz everyone deserves the help they need and to be happy and living fully) and it really doesn’t serve anyone else. I see this with blogs where I just think people are putting on a show. What’s the point? Maybe because I’m willing to admit so much and the outpouring of support is huge, I think honesty is the best policy.
- Stressing about things you can’t control? – My friend has a good way of summing things up worth worrying about and those worth not. She does a better job than I do, but basically there are always going to be things way outside of your control, things mostly outside of your control, and then things totally in your control. Worrying about anything but the ones you can control is a waste of your energy and really doesn’t serve you any purpose. Simple. She’s a genius! And I suggest putting that mental energy towards imagining/dreaming/planning positive things instead and seeing what happens.
- Trudging through a run, slogging through a ride, dragging yourself to the gym? – I see the merit in doing the 10 minutes of the workout to see if you want to quit and giving yourself permission to stop after that if you don’t want it, but I also see a lot of value in just taking a freaking rest day. If your workouts are not exciting you, go do something that does. Instead of “working out”, find a way to move that doesn’t feel like work. That’s what being active is about, NOT forcing yourself through something!
- Being in the best shape of your life if you can’t enjoy it? – Sure, you have a six pack. But can you go to the beach and eat ice cream in your bikini and show it off if you are scared of missing out on a workout or on eating too much sugar/fat/whatever? I’d rather have my body looking just like it should and be able to do whatever the heck my little heart desires. It’s cryptic, but you could be in the best shape of your life and get hit by a bus. No one will care what you looked like–or at least the people who matter won’t care. They’ll care about the memories you make with them and that matters on your attitude, your outlook on life, your personality, and all the good things–not on the size on the tag of your jeans or the number on the scale!
- Going out to a restaurant if you’re just going to order something you would eat at home? – This means you should eat outside of the box (try something new, order something you don’t know how to cook for yourself, etc.) but I also mean what’s the point in going to a restaurant and ordering something not on the menu or changing things up so that you’re eating the same damn thing you eat day after day? This coming from the girl who had a knack for ordering a salad with chicken on it at every restaurant (if I couldn’t just get this order plain and simple I’d get it as a sandwich, ditch the bread, etc. or I’d order a double dose of veggies, hold the starch just to please ED)…branch out! Live a little! I know it might sound like I’m making something huge and scary seem trivial, but seriously. Order off the menu. See what happens. It’s gonna be delicious, and you can do it!
- Eating an apple when you want chocolate (or tea if you want coffee, crackers if you want chips, or yogurt if you want ice cream, or whatever)? – I really don’t buy the “health-ify” idea. You have a craving? Eat a reasonable portion. Stop. Maybe you were emotionally eating, but if it’s one or two servings worth of a food, you’re not doing any damage. Don’t binge. After you eat what you want, you’re either going to have satisfied a craving or you’re going to be left with the same emotions you were trying to ignore. Go ahead and feel them. It’ll get easier, and you’ll stop feeding your emotional cravings more and more as you do this and then you’ll be more able to decipher between what you legitimately crave as food and what you crave emotionally, etc. Trust!
- Letting other people’s bad moods/negativity rub off on you? – I am all for helping people who are struggling, but there is a difference between helping and letting yourself get drawn in. Surround yourself with other people who are on a good wavelength. Lead by example.
- Only doing things you know will work out? – Whether it’s trying a new sport, hobby, program in school, or whatever. If you knew that it was meant to be, what would be the fun in it? Being afraid to fail is fine, but letting that fear stop you from testing things out means you’re going to miss out. When “mistakes” become lessons and when you’re willing to take chances, life expands!
- Holding yourself back (from your dreams, from going after the boy you like, from whatever)? – Seriously. Scenarios: Try/fail = don’t get it. Don’t try = don’t get it. Try/succeed = get it. There’s really only one answer.
- Keeping clothes that don’t fit in your closet? – This does nothing for you. Buy and wear clothes that make you feel good. See my post about this yesterday if you wanna know where I’m coming from here!
- Being obsessed with your body/size/weight? – What if it was like your height and you just accepted it? How would things change? Where would all your energy go instead? Cuz your body doesn’t want to be skinnier or fatter than it should be. It is perfect, you just have to trust it to do it’s thing. Thinking you’re fat = thinking you need to fix something = excuse to not live. Lame. Stop settling.
- Being anything but optimistic? – Yes, I know, get realistic. Bad things are going to happen. But instead of worrying about those bad things, why not focus on all the good things? I can guarantee there is someone dealing with something worse and I think there’s probably something good in every day that you can find!
- Being anything but happy? – Life is short. I’ve spent plenty of mine being miserable on my own accord. That’s been good because it’s taught me that being happy is a conscious decision–and one that I intend to continue making. We are allowed to have sad days, periods, etc., but at the end of the road, we are all meant to be happy!
What do you think about this stuff?
What’s your “What’s the point in…”?
This was awesome Cheryl! I agree with pretty much everything that you said, although it is easier to “agree” vs. actually applying it to your life at times.
Your views on living a healthy life style make me want to hug you! I completely agree that if you’re craving dessert, HAVE it! I eat dessert practically everyday and I had a LARGE one tonight that I didn’t know the calories too, but instead of throwing a hissy fit (I threw a tiny one in my head), I kept thinking that it’s okay, I want to be healthy and free and live a life beyond the control and power I put into what goes into my mouth. And stressing out about controlling things? I love what your friend said! I have been saying that same thing to myself for the past few months because I realize that I fret about a lot of things. I’ve started to step back, though, and truly question- can i actually control this? If i can, I am able to do something about it. If i honestly can’t, I have to let it go. (This works for SO many things, even people who get furious over traffic).
I really LOVE this post, thank you so much for posting this. It really made me step back and be proud of myself for what I did today- follow my meal plan, eat a LOT of unknown calories, eat more dessert than usual, and not exercise. I was feeling pretty anxious abut 10 minutes ago, overthinking “It’s okay, you can just make up for what you did today, tomorrow” (as in exercise more, eat less, etc). Even though I know that I’m past that immature mind set and wouldn’t have acted out anyway, reading this post made me forget those thoughts and be appreciative.
Is it possible if I could ever email you? You seem very cool, real, and inspiring!
Awe, thanks so much for the comments (and your comments that were so kind in the past!). It sounds like you’re doing a great job on all of this yourself and of course you can email. I am not awesome at checking my happy is the new healthy email, but if you shoot me one (cheril67@hotmail.com) it should get through to me!
I love this Cheryl! You’ve got my morning off to the best start possible, it’s just what I needed
Thank you for always being so awesome, and please come visit me in hamilton soon when you get a break from school!!
Awe Rach this makes me so happy! We need to catch up. How about a Skype date or phone date or chat session of some sort soon? But I do have to visit–what’s on your agenda for the long weekend?!
I haven’t thought about it yet, I’d love to spice it up with some Cheryl time! Also we’re hosting a triathlon clinic at Mac. Done training by afternoons basically besides a later swim monday. What about you?
Best post I have read in the blog world in a long time….bookmarking this and saving it forever! Beautifully insightful!
Awe shucks — thank you!
woah! Its just awesome
beautifully expressed your thoughts!
Thank you for reading!
Best. Post. Ever. You know I agree with A LOT of the things here, as per our conversations! But some of your points also really inspired me – like not holding myself back. This makes me want to get out this summer and try so many new things!
YAY! You inspired me with so many of these realizations–whether we talked about it or I just saw you living your life and realized I can do it too. You’re a role model, girl, and I am SO GLAD I know you. Birds of a feather flock together and I think there’s a reason why we met and re-met. Fate is a funny but awesome thing.
Do I see a summer bucket list in your future? OR feel free to hop on any of my list items — the more the merrier, I say!
this is epic. so epically true, all of it. The not giving in to your cravings/healthifying things – I read this one woman’s blog post this morning, and she was like “I really wanted a milkshake but I got a diet lemonade instead!” and I was just like…okay what the fuck? DELETE from my google reader lol, that’s just so dumb and anal-retentive. I know from experience that denying myself what i TRULY want is just setting myself up for a binge later, which is NOT worth it. And you’re right about workouts and taking rest days and not doing things you don’t enjoy – yesterday I woke up and I just like…didn’t want to do anything. If I were healthy/not coming back from injury, and/or if I were training for something important, then yeah I’d probably push myself through a workout. But yesterday I just said screw it – I did my nails, shopped, read a book, took a nap, and I think today I feel a LOT better for it. And there’s no point at all in doing a race you want to do – elites get PAID to do these races, we, conversely, have to pay FOR them, so why waste your money on something you don’t really wanna do??? financial retardedness at its finest, if you ask me lol. And YES to the restaurant thing!! I too am guilty of sticking with a salad at every single restaurant. Nowadays, I don’t really ever go out to eat, because I just really can’t afford it. So when I do, it’s a special occasion and you better believe I’m going to make the money spent WORTH IT by not ordering something I can make at home. Also, the salads I make at home are far better than any salad I’ve ever seen at a restaurant, so why would I spend money on something when I can do a BETTER job in my own kitchen??? recent delicious restaurant eats have been pizza, thai-mango chicken, and spinach/shrimp flatbread, and these were far better than anything I would’ve come up with on my own. And holding yourself back from applying for that job, flirting with that boy, whatever – you’re just making yourself more miserable. What do you EVER have to lose by trying?? I’ll admit I was hesitant to apply for the Colorado job because I didn’t think I’d be good enough for it – and look what happened. Yeah I’m kind of scared about it, but dude, I just COMPLETELY changed my own life by clicking “send” on an email!! seriously. SERIOUSLY. lol. anyway, I’ll stop rambling now, but this post is FANTASTIC and I couldn’t have said any of it better myself. you are rocking at life right now!!!
Ah Kate sometimes I think you and I share a brain or something–thanks for GETTING IT! Even though we’ve only been blogggggging bffs for a kind of short time, I think you’ve really figured out a lot too — or maybe you knew it before but your advice has helped me so much! And you going to Colorado took you from cooler than cool to cooler than a boss–you’re absolutely epic and doing amazing things/leading by example/etc. There’s a lot of love I’m trying to convey right here and I hope you’re getting that! We are officially having a blogger meet up and cooking ourselves some epic meal after some epic bike ride or run and then drinking an epic amount of something delicious. Sound legit!?
UMMMM I LOVE THIS. No freaking other way to say it. All of these made me realize, wow she is so right. Why dwell on all the things that could go wrong, when living life is all about dealing with what comes our way? if we were meant to know what would happen to us then there would be no journey. I have to say though a lot of these I need to consciously remember and remind myself of over and over. Thank you for a great reminder… a much needed one.
I’m glad this worked for you — cuz when I wrote it I didn’t know if people would “get it” — but it’s just my honest take on how I’m trying to live these days. I love that idea about this all being a journey–it makes me think of adventure and if life isn’t an adventure, what’s the point? On a grand scale, it IS about the journey — we don’t RUSH to our death! So why do we rush to everything else?! I’m gonna try to remember that and start enjoying this adventure of a life.
Hi! I’m new to your blog, but I love it already! Thank you for this post! It serves as a great reminder to take things day by day and just be. You only get one chance, right?!
Awe–thanks for checking it out. So true! A quote comes to mind (obviously) – ‘You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.’
I just stumbled upon your blog a couple days ago and I can’t tell you how much I enjoy reading! I have been recovering from an ED and lately have been feeling like I’m slipping back into my negative thought process. This post really reminded me of what is important; its amazing how wrapped up you can get in your thoughts forgetting what the point is at the end of the day. Thank you for posting this, you’re inspiring and helping more people than you even realize.
Thanks so much for your comment–kind words! Recovery isn’t worth it but it brings some pretty awesome lessons. Sounds like you’re on the right path–stay strong!
Who ARE you?
I found your blog through “The Run Within,” and I am absolutely in awe of this post. I almost cried reading it, because so much of it really hit home with me. Thank you for this. SO. MUCH.
Really hoping you write a book one day..I have a feeling it would be as inspiring as the one that has inspired you
You have again given me so much to think about (and work on). Thank you so much for keeping it real!
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