Morning! It’s another dreary day in London but I actually love this weather. Especially when I have a pig sty of an apartment to contend with, I don’t mind the rain. I made myself a nice breakfast and am going to get down to business as soon as I sort my thoughts out here!
Last night, after a long run (~70 minutes) with Andrew, I felt pretty sick. During the run, I should say — note to self: don’t eat a large salad with a huge piece of salmon even in the REALM of a long run. Other than my GI issues I felt pretty good on said run, which is a great thing since Tough Mudder is this Sunday and it’s 11 miles. Gasp!
I managed to feel better a few hours later and even though I had everything cooked for a tasty dinner (pork and chicken and steak done, cauliflower roasted, etc. etc.) I ate froyo instead with my friends. I had some nuts and trail mix when I was going to bed, but I guess I was craving the stuff or something and instead of being hard on myself, I’ll just move on now…
That being said, it’s nice to have a blog to put it all out there. If I start eating froyo every night for dinner when I have perfectly awesome options, I am going to be airing that out there. If I start to try to eat healthier but end up taking things a bit too far, my blog will show that. If all I do is take pictures of my food and never talk about anything exciting in my life, there’s an indication that things are out of whack.
When I was recovering, knowing that I had a place to hash out my feelings if I relapsed was awesome. Now that I am recovered, having a place to sort out my thoughts is a blessing, especially when I get feedback from friends and family and complete strangers on what I’ve written. I’ve been blogging at Happy is the New Healthy for almost 6 months! That’s hard to believe, but at the same time, it’s easy to believe because THIS is what keeps me centred.
Right now, my mind is all over the place. I have a lot to think about in terms of this fall, I just got back from a big awesome amazing vacation, and there’s a lot of changes (positive, albeit) going on in my life. Maybe this is my quarter life crisis, but I think I’m ready to admit something: I’ve been feeling sorry for myself a bit lately, and I’m finally seeing that this is the wrong attitude to take. I think I get worried because I feel like I have so many options — move here, sign up for this course, eat this, start this training program, do this race, aim for this career. Rather than feeling overwhelmed, I know that I am blessed. Giving myself props for having all these options is better than giving myself grief over not knowing what to do. And not knowing what to do is fine — being scared to do what I really want to and letting that fear hold me back is NOT.
I’m at a really cool, really scary point.
What’s awesome is that I have a great support system and that that support system starts with me. Knowing that I am the one who really matters–at the end of the day, I only have to answer to myself whether or not I made good choices that support me as a person–simplifies things. Yes, there are lots of choices. But there are only so many legitimately awesome opportunities worthy of my time, effort, and energy and as I sort out more and more who I am and what I really stand for, I realize that I need not worry. Any “mistakes” I make are just lessons. Anything I embark on is going to leave me smarter and give me more insight and becomes part of my journey. Now I’m talking a little cheese, but I guess what I’m getting at is that I’m working through my values (as Dr. Kreso helped me get started with earlier this month) and figuring out what my purpose/mission is.
You can’t figure out whether or not your steps are leading you to the right place if you don’t know what that right place is. I’m all for enjoying the journey, letting things unfold, and not having a set in stone approach (because life is too unpredictable and wonderful to plan it all out) — but I also know that to feel directed and on track (which is something I crave), I need to focus on what I’m trying to move towards.
A few weeks back I wrote this as my purpose: I am here to serve as a real life example of living healthy and to use my own personal experience to launch a career and a life of inspiring, enabling, and coaching others to find their own best possible definition of health.
And I guess what I need to do is look at it on a daily basis — with a willingness to redefine it — but to embrace it whole heartedly, and to own it. Just because it’s not a conventional thing doesn’t mean it’s not good. In fact, if someone’s purpose was “I’m here to be a doctor” I would probably ask them — “…and?”
To me, our purpose isn’t about a label. Maybe that’s why writing it down is so hard to me. The things that I find most meaningful really can’t be labelled — but connecting with others, lifting them up, leading, and inspiring are what bring me the greatest joy. I can do that via fitness, I can do that via writing, and I can do that via living. Luckily, those are three of my favourite things to do.
Now I feel centred, back on track, and all that good stuff. I told you I love blogging!
And since you love pictures of me (or so I like to kid myself), here are some more (from lil Mudder)!
How do you recentre yourself?
Have you ever tried to define your purpose?
Um I can relate so much to this right now.Especially when you said you are a perfectly cool scary place. I feel like i am in the same boat yet at the same time can’t move past it. I want to keep moving forward but I feel a huge obstacle in front of me that I am struggling to even know what it is. You provide daily inspiration for me and I hope you know that. I want to connect to myself so much more than I have been and you remind me to do that.
Alex — you’re doing awesome, just so you know. I don’t think being our age is easy for anyone but I think many many people numb themselves to their questoins instead of dealing with them. You can put things off but only for so long — they’ll catch up with you, ya know? So props to you for wanting to dive right in and LIVING CONSCIOUSLY! I am reading “The 6 Pillars of Self Esteem” and one of the pillars is awareness of yourself. And without that you can’t really be accepting of yourself or have self esteem and without self esteem we are so shit out of luck. So looks like we’re onto something, right?! <3
well first, do NOT feel bad about froyo for dinner, because every time you do that, just know there’s a chick in pennsylvania who probably really WANTS froyo but doesn’t have anyone to go get it with! nom nom nom. I think you’re right about purpose – it’s not a concrete thing. A career is not a purpose, a career is just one way to live out that purpose. Reading yours, it’s pretty clear that there are ten bajilion ways you could fulfill it! Which is definitely scary and anxiety-provoking, but look at it this way: you are SO LUCKY to have so many options! There are so many people who don’t see it, or who really don’t have that many options. It’s a scary place to be (especially for those of us who like order and certainty….guilty right here lol), but it’s a pretty damn awesome place to be, and you’re well on your way.
Thanks for the reminders — I AM lucky! I WISH YOU WERE ON EVERYYYY FROYO TREK WITH ME! Seriously! I’ll take my computer to the froyo place and we can Skype and you can do the same
and we can get all kinds of looks — haha okay this is a bit out of hand 
but i’m just trying to let you know how much I wish PA and ontario were closer!!!!
I agree with you completely! A purpose is not a job, it is something you work towards all of your life. Or rather something you work for. Your purpose is beautiful. I can relate with being in a cool, scary place right now. It is sort of like walking blind. I know where I want to go, but I can’t see the path there. I am waiting for someone to turn on the lights. But that someone is probably me!
Thanks for this — I’m sure that lightbulb moment will come when you’re actively pursuing it