Last night’s Eat By Design presentation was kind of a big deal.

I loved it. I loved hearing these people talk passionately about what they’re doing. I loved the call to action. I loved hearing how the questions people had were answered. I loved seeing people’s “aha” moments around the crowd. I loved meeting the people there. Did I mention I loved it?

Basically, the presentation went over the info that Life By Design puts out there for everyone on their Eat by Design page in a bit more detail. I don’t think I heard much that I didn’t know, but on that note–there’s a difference between knowing and doing and the cool part about the seminar is that it kicks off the 30 day challenge I mentioned earlier this week–the call to actually do it.

One thing that I really wanted to blog about was the call to go big on this challenge. For 30 days, it’s about just doing it–100% as a goal. That’s contrary to a lot of wisdom that says make changes slowly, but I know I get it and am willing to give it a go. I do have some thoughts on what it means to go balls to the wall instead of dipping your toes in the water:

• Risking failure. Scratch that. Failing. I’m certain of one thing: I’m going to fail. I’m probably going to eat something that’s not by design, I’m going to mess up along the way with my training (hi, attempting to learn a whole new approach), I’m going to have days where I get down in the dumps and don’t apply the think by design principles. But I’m not giving myself a pass to do it. I want to go 30 days without those failures–but knowing that I will fail, let’s just admit it: we need to be okay with that! It’s not a true failure unless you fail to learn. You’re not a failure unless you give up. All that cheesy stuff that you know is true. But that means you have to take responsibility. Ate ice cream for lunch on day 1 of your challenge? Eat some veggies and meat for dinner and move the heck on. At 30 days, a “mistake” here and there won’t be as devastating as giving up. 
• Thinking you “need” something. The thought of no froyo for 30 days was scary–yupp. Here’s my thoughts: but my friends are coming back and they’ll think i’m a bitch if i I don’t go with them. But how can I have a social life if I don’t drink? But what if I have to go to dinner and can’t be sure about what’s gonna be served? But but but…BUT the truth is, it’s 30 days. If your friends don’t like you any more cuz you won’t eat froyo with them (you could still sit with them, FYI), they’re kind of lame ass and must be insecure about their own choices. If you don’t drink and that pisses off your friends enough to be an issue, get new friends. If what’s getting you out of bed in the morning is _________ (insert food addiction of choice here), maybe you need to rethink things–find a purpose maybe? Also, it’s 30 days. After, you can play around. Write it down – “I skip froyo until October 1, 2012.” Seems pretty small, doesn’t it? How long are we here for? Is one month gonna kill you?
• Being scared. I’m just going to admit it — I’m worried I’ll gain weight. I feel chubby and I’ve bought size after size of jeans (granted, I did get over a gnarly eating disorder and am ridiculously awesome right now). So I’m a bit worried that this upward swing is going to continue so trying something different is like letting go of control and risking ballooning, in my catastrophizing mind. So…the alternative. About that–there isn’t another option. When you hear something and you believe in it, not adopting it or trying it out on yourself requires zoning out, going unconscious, and is a form of giving up on yourself. If you’re new to my blog or just oblivious, I’m not good at zoning out–I’m good at zoning in and one thing I’m working on is trying to live on purpose with more consciousness and deliberate behaviour. So let’s just nip that in the bud, mmkay?

One note I feel totally compelled to add after some expressed concern from friends, family, etc. and just ‘cuz…

I’m speaking purely from personal experience here, but I don’t think that taking on a 30 day challenge to eat real foods, basing things on the foods that give us the most nutrients and ignoring the ones that you don’t need (I challenge you to tell me a nutrient I need to eat a piece of bread of a bowl of pasta to get that I can’t eat a veggie or a piece of meat to do the trick instead), is restrictive.

Where the motivation comes from is definitely key. As I touched on before, I’m a bit anxious about how much I weigh right now (it’s been on the upswing) and I hear all that old wisdom telling me that eating a lot of meat or having more fat or doing less cardio and lifting weights is going to add up to me being big. That being said, those fears aren’t stopping me. It’s okay to have fears but it’s not okay to let them hold you back. Putting them on the table and reading and talking about how other people have dealt or addressed the issue is empowering. Fear can be motivation if you channel it. One thing I know — eating a jar of nut butter every day is not really all that intuitively smart from a weight or health perspective. What is smart is eating lots of really nutrient dense foods in balance and eating plenty of vegetables, no? Just putting the fear out there in this post has felt like a huge release and has put it into perspective. I’m on a long term approach now–looking for health. I know that along with health comes a happy weight. So logically, and by going through this now, it makes sense to do this and to let the weight outcome come out as it is. I don’t plan on weighing myself again any time soon.

Back to my take on this. Restriction to me is about motives that aren’t based on healthy goals. In my ED, they were about being thin at all costs. Old habits — exercising through injury, doing at least an hour of cardio every day, never taking rest days, not thinking about strength/mobility/agility/anything besides what effects a workout would have on my physique, not getting enough sleep, eating fake food, being scared of food, not eating all day and bingeing at night, eating so much that I’d get physically sick, obsessively planning what and when I’d eat or not eat, using “cheat” days as rewards for being “good”, giving food moral power and a huge space in my life — THOSE are unhealthy.

Taking ownership for what I put in my body and being willing to experiment on myself–THIS is healthy. I think I’m on the same page as Nell Stephenson, who blogged about the idea that Paleo adherents are suffering from orthorexia. I actually call being able to do this a next step for me — from just getting to “okay and recovered” to actually going further and taking things to the awesome level instead–which is something I’ve realized I deserve and everyone deserves.

When someone else criticizes you, I think it has to do with their own insecurities. When you are sure of what you’re doing, you don’t really feel attacked by it. What’s cool is that I’ve had some “concerns” expressed to me about all of this (please note that more overwhelming support has come my way–and I so appreciate it!) but I am finding myself more and more prepared to talk about what I’m doing and to just own my decision. That’s leading back to me feeling better and better about myself and more motivated and comforted in the face of any trials, “failures”, or doubts that I have along the way.

I think summing this one up with a quote just makes sense:

What’s your take on the orthorexia/paleo thought?
Are you taking the 30 day challenge?