I’m not sure how it’s after 9pm right now, but it is…

Today flew by.

I had an awesome massage (side note: I’m pretty sure my massage therapist is my favourite person right now–hilarious AND good at her job!), ran some errands, baked up (and ate a shit ton of) pumpkin granola, taught a sweaty bootcamp, and painted my nails after my earlier post.

Tonight was Life by Design 101. I took a friend along with me and had dinner with my mentors, friends, coaches–whatever you want to call ‘em!–from Gainsborough Family Chiropractic tonight. Not only was it delicious…

…it was also a great chance for me to get re-inspired and re-focused.

I think the last little bit has been stressful and I’ve had a tough time dealing with stress, losing my grandma, and just adjusting to this year not being in school. But I took away the reminder to FOCUS ON WHAT’S STRONG, NOT ON WHAT’S WRONG. I don’t have any desire to go back to being one of those people who complains all the time or who doesn’t have an “I’m awesome” answer for “How are you?” or some ideas for “What gets you out of bed in the morning?”.

On that note, I’m choosing to focus on my progress over the last few months…

• loving CrossFit, trusting that doing a fraction of the “cardio” that I used to force myself through (in favour of spinning and trail running and hiking to keep moving as I please) and feeling strong and fit and like I’m making some serious progress
• focusing on whole foods and becoming increasingly aware of the ways I try to use food that don’t serve it’s intended purpose (a whole lot of words for “moving closer yet to intuitive eating”)
• filling my time and mind with books, blogs, podcasts, articles, and surrounding myself with people who make me feel better and who are on the same wavelength as me
• finding myself a full time job (I’m really happy to be back at lululemon!)
• continuing to write–blogging and freelancing
• working on my purpose (I know I’m “the best in the world” at bringing people together. I know I want to challenge the way people think about things–themselves, health, the world, etc. and I recognize that writing is a pretty kickass way to do that considering I actually enjoy it)

…which brings me to this BHAG that I have of being a force in the world of journalism. Here we go again, you’re saying. The regrets and the second guessing I had on Saturday over NOT being in journalism school are gone and replaced with curiosity and openness to the fact that writing is a passion of mine, something I would like to improve at, and as such a contender on the “what to do with my life” list. That being said, “what” to do is less important than “why” and there are so many options for me. I can keep writing and work on my skills on my own. I can take some more classes at Western to finish up my writing certificate. I can reapply to Journalism programs. I can look for an internship. The best thing? I can do all of this while I’m still working on everything else I love–training/coaching and working, developing, growing up…

Like I said, tonight was a much needed reminder to focus on what’s strong, not on what’s wrong. There’s no problem with having options–I’m confident that I can choose what I really want to do and what’s really right and not just go after opportunities or take something on for the security of it. That’s a pretty big jump from where I was last year at this time, scared shitless about what I’d do if I didn’t get in to J school, or where I was 6 months ago, scared poopless about what I’d do if I went through nutrition but couldn’t get an internship to be an RD. It’s pretty freaking awesome when you realize that you’re not destined to fail. It sounds pathetic–was I really that low in terms of self esteem?–but it’s just me being honest.

I don’t think I’m alone. I think the end of school is a big transition and fear is normal. I think a lot of people–graduates and “grown ups” alike–get stuck in this “I don’t know what to do” or “What if I fail?” kind of thinking trap, and it’s just that…a trap. We need to get back to the mindset that we SHOULD get out of bed every day and do something we love. If we’re not enjoying ourselves on a routine basis, it’s not working and we SHOULD dedicate some effort towards changing things and figuring out what WOULD make life a whole lot of fun. It’s a whirlwind when you’re chasing your dreams–as anyone who knows me can tell, I’m running around a lot–but it’s a fun one.

What works for me? Looking at myself as a heroine, a badass, a rockstar, a superhero…all awesome things…and then acting like it. It takes some faking–I’m repairing years of living with poor beliefs about myself and it’s a process–but it’s clicking. When you see yourself like someone who takes the world on, not someone who merely survives it, your whole perspective changes. Rather than someone who hopes that they’ll find a job so they can make money, worries about what they need to avoid to stay healthy, etc. etc. (focusing on what’s wrong or on what you want to avoid), you get to be someone who dreams and sets goals about what they want to do and about how amazing they want to be (strong thoughts!).

I think I just had a bit of an aha moment when I least expected it…funny how they happen!

What else works for me?

A hot drink and some super dark chocolate before bed…

What works for you?
Where do you focus on what’s strong? Where could you do a better job?