Today’s topic is a winner for two reasons:

1. It makes this e-card relevant.

2. It gets me going.

The other day, I was browsing through old Today Show clips and stumbled onto this story about MovNat and primal movement. There were a few caveman references and a bit of seemingly overbearing advice to be careful but the article didn’t really excite me one way or the other.

What did get me going was the link I followed to a video at the bottom of the page:

I’m not going to launch into a full rundown of what makes me angry about the way the media frames the “paleo” diet, but I have a few mini-rants about what I wish the news would say about the paleo diet.

1. I wish that they would stop selling it like another diet designed to help you fix yourself, quickly. The video link says “Trying to slim down for summer? Eat like a cave man” and while I get that the video needs to get peoples’ interest and the books about this way of eating need to sell, it’d be really cool if people started eating this way because it’s actually good for them. And if they trusted that when they did that, if they needed to lose weight, their healthy body would just take care of that. Any diet you adopt should be a long term approach if it’s really good for you and if it’s really sustainable. The sooner we give up the idea that a quick fix is a good idea, the better off–and the healthier–we’ll be. This is about more than losing weight and doing it quickly. It’s a long term way of eating and living, but it’s worth the wait. 
2. I also wish the caveman references would slow down. Before, I thought that eating a paleo diet was about going back to the stone ages–and I thought that sounded silly. My concept of it shifted and I realized, largely thanks to meeting my Life By Design friends and then starting to think about Eat By Design instead of a diet book label, that healthy eating is about choosing the best foods available now. With caveman (or cavewoman) references, no wonder people think this way of eating is hokey.
3. I’m ready for people to start focusing on what they are putting into their bodies, not on what they’re ”giving up” or what they’ll miss the most about shifting their diet. Sure, you can focus on what you can’t have (your treats or like the bottom of the link says, cutting “out all bread and dairy”) or you can try to “paleo-ify” them (cue coconut products galore and nut butter treats all around) but that misses the mark and makes for a miserable existence, I think. Focusing on what you are taking in–nutrient-dense foods that create health and serve as fuel for your body–is a much happier way to go about your eating.
4. A muffin is still a muffin and a cookie is still a cookie and a pancake is still a pancake, even if it’s made with almond flour. Yes, more power to you for saving yourself from the effects of gluten and grains, but a cookie will always be a treat, no matter what you put into it. Replacing your old crappy diet with a new diet of upgraded cookies and muffins still misses the mark. I had to learn this one through experience before I really realized it. Like the MovNat article says, eating this way is about “focusing on meat, veggies, fruits and nuts and foregoing dairy, grains, refined sugar and anything processed.” I’m not sure where cookies and muffins are on that list, but I do know that you will undoubtedly be better off if you eat more vegetables, start thinking about the quality of the meat that you’re eating, and stop buying things with labels on them.

That’s all, for now.

What’s your biggest complaint about the way the media frames this stuff? 

Extra: There was an awesome podcast last week from Balanced Bites talking about paleo pitfalls that hit the nail on the head when it comes to paleo treats. These women are phenomenal and were another big influence in my shifting understanding of what paleo eating is all about.

Question: What’s the one thing that’s holding you back?

This week, I want you to get real with yourself and look at somewhere in your life where you’re stuck. I know from experience that it’s uber frustrating to struggle with a bad habit that you feel like you absolutely can’t change.

I want to challenge you to stop beating yourself up over that habit or part of you and to get curious about it instead. I’d even go so far as to suggest that you should embrace it.

Why?

Remember that what we resist persists. There’s a reason that you’re doing whatever it is that you’re so frustrated with yourself over. I’d encourage you to take into consideration the idea that self sabotage is a myth–we act with our own best interests in mind and we take care of ourselves in the best ways that we can. Whatever it is that is keeping you stuck is serving you in some way. Get to the bottom of it. How is whatever you said is holding you back helping you? And how can you help yourself in a less destructive way?

Here are two examples that I’ve worked through:

1. procrastination, especially with my writing –> Realizing that by procrastinating with my writing is actually coming from my perfectionism was a game changer for me. I started to see how by waiting until the last minute to get going on things, I was giving myself an “excuse” to write an imperfect piece. The solution to this is to give myself permission to make mistakes (and to learn from them) and to remind myself that  I’m a good writer.

2. emotional eating –> Rather than beating myself up about it and throwing away all the things I love that are in my house, I recognize that when I’m heading to the cupboard, I need something. That something is likely not food and as I’ve done more and more work, it’s been easier to figure out what that need is. It’s often as simple as needing rest and meeting that need instead (doing something restful and re-energizing like playing my violin or going to bed) is a more self-affirming way of taking care of myself.

The summary here: stop beating yourself up/get curious/take exquisitely good care of yourself. 

How might one of your “bad habits” be serving you? 
What’s a habit or behaviour that you’ve changed in yourself? How’d you go about it?

This week, I couldn’t wait to share this video of Joel Salatin, a fellow who keeps presenting himself in the stuff I watch, read, and listen to, talking to the folks at Google. He talks about some of the stuff in his new book, Folks, This Ain’t Normal and he fired me right up.

I said “amen!” or “aha!” a few times during the talk, in response to:

• the traditional role of a chicken –> Who knew that they were like garbage disposals and cleanup crews? I love the idea that in return for kitchen scraps, they’d give us eggs. And I love the cheekiness with which Salatin pokes fun at our composting habits today.
• what’s ridiculous about grain fed animals –> I also learned some stuff about “grass” that I never really thought about before, thought it was interesting to hear about the grains of today and why they’re so problematic, and to give this topic some serious thought. Suddenly, grassfed meat seems important for a whole new set of reasons.
• how we look at wearing fur –> This made me think about my vegetarian days and how we can look at an animal’s life and what it means to kill a factory farmed animal for food vs. hunting for an animal vs. raising an animal in a different way with a different perspective on the food chain.
• raw milk and its illegal-ness –> I’m constantly baffled by the fact that I can go out and buy all the alcohol and cigarettes I want but that trying to get raw milk takes me into criminal territory.
• food miles and the energy required to produce the food that we eat now –> A reminder to eat local.

Take-aways:

1. Care about what I eat–beyond nutrition and my personal health–is important.
2. Think critically and logically about what I buy and eat and how it plays into the larger food system and world.

What did you take away from this

I’ll start with an apology if you share and/or like this stuff.

I do not.

This week’s offender?

Before I get into it, I feel like I need to at least give this image props for showing the gal’s face.

But that’s all it’s getting props for. My “are you kidding me?” instincts need to point out that wearing that much makeup is a recipe for a Good Charlotte-esque disaster.

While I’m ridiculously jealous of her glad that she has beautiful long hair that can blow in the wind while she does mountain climbers or burpees or sprints or whatever is about to go down in this image, let’s get real. My hair, which doesn’t even touch my neck, drives me batty when I work out if it’s not pinned into a pathetic excuse for a pony tail (a feat that requires a whole lotta bobby pins, I might add).

I’m used to the image of the pretty girl working out and I’m used to just doing my own sweaty thing with a smile on my face instead of it. I wouldn’t say “I’m over it” but I am a little bit over it. What really made me mad about this picture were the words and the messages that came along with them.

I’m all for continuously improving. Training harder, yay. Eating cleaner, maybe (“dirty” food is dangerously close to the good/bad paradigm that is a recipe for insanity in my books, but that and words like “cheat” are a topic for another post of its own). But from there, it heads into territory that I’m not so okay with.

I’m not okay with hating yourself–even your “old” self.

This reminded me of something that Jillian Michaels said when I went to her Maximize Your Life show a few weeks ago. She’d talked about how when, at the end of the season, the people on Biggest Loser would be presented with a cardboard cut-out of their old bodies, they’d initially react with disgust– kicking their old selves down, saying mean things and calling themselves gross, etc.

That makes me sad.

Just like that “gross” person was actually the person who signed themselves up for the show and did the work to lose the weight—the strong one, the determined one—the strong person that this fitspiration is so ready to become has to come from the “old” girl.

Saying this seems stupid, but: you will always be you.

What I’m getting at is this: hating yourself is the fastest way to make yourself feel like crap, not for making lasting change in your life.

You can trust me on this one, I’ve dabbled in it.

Whenever I’ve tried to hate myself into change—beat myself up for drinking too much coffee, told myself I’m a pig and that I need to eat less, called myself lazy for not working out, etc.—it’s backfired. Feeling crappy, I end up doing more of the things that “sabotage” myself in an attempt to feel better—eating more, spending more money, etc. etc.—and end up a not so happy camper no better off than I was in the first place.

Trying to change your life is hard. When you feel bad, it’s even harder.

So what’s the alternative?

Loving yourself into and through change.

My suggestions:
Play on your own team. Notice when you’re beating yourself up and get out of that headspace. Find something positive to focus on, like what you’re presently achieving and the kind of person you’re already in the process of becoming. Be patient with yourself.

Self-esteem and the way you look at and talk to yourself matters. Put the same amount of effort into learning to love yourself that you do into attempting to “fix” yourself and I have a feeling you’ll be a heck of a lot better set up to achieve whatever your loved and happy little heart desires.

When you love yourself, you take care of yourself.

When you take care of yourself, things get better.

Love yourself now.

What goals do you set based on what’s wrong, broken, or needing to be fixed? What could you use that energy for instead?
What do you beat yourself up for?

I figured after years of aggressively spamming news feeds  with other peoples’ cheesy picture quotes, it’s about time I started making my own…

The topic for today’s post came from a little realization I had on the weekend over a bowl of ice cream.

First things first, I know I’ve expressed my love for froyo before, but my true love has always been for ice cream.

Me loving ice cream, circa 2007.

Love can be complicated, right? Ice cream (and froyo, for that matter) and I have a messy history.

I’d divide our relationship into a few phases:

1. honeymoon: I love ice cream and ice cream loves me…I have never encountered the word “calorie.”
2. guilty romance, part I: I love ice cream but am ashamed of it…I earn my ice cream with long runs and bike rides.
3. guilty romance, part II: I am still in love and still ashamed…I make room for my ice cream by replacing meals with it.
4. reality: I see ice cream for what it is (and I still like it)…I own my choices and where I’m at.

Each of these phases had their gift.

When I was oblivious to the world of nutrition, ice cream was just delicious and a special treat that my parents busted out now and again. Ignorance isn’t bliss, though, so I’m glad that I realize that ice cream is one of those “special” foods and not something I need on a daily basis to keep me going.

For a long time, I made myself work for ice cream (or any treat, for that matter). I justified my junk food habits by working them off–either anticipating a treat and making sure I did an extra hard workout, rewarding myself with a treat after a particularly gruelling day, or attempting to make up for an indulgence by sweating the crap out of it. While the idea of having some discretionary calories and making room for more of them if you work out is something that plenty of diet gurus support, this wasn’t a healthy headspace for me. Eventually, it dawned on me that eating junk food, regardless of how much you work out, still involves putting crap into your body. As I shifted my relationship with exercise from one based on controlling and fixing myself to one based on actually creating strength and fitness and health, my mindset on treats and indulgences started to shift. Rather than asking myself if I’d earned a treat or if I deserved it, I started to question whether or not I truly wanted it and if it deserved to go in my body, reminding myself that looking “healthy” and actually being it are very different things.

More recently, I noticed that I was in a new phase. I was okay with not working out to earn myself a treat–I’d even go for froyo on a rest day, something I’d never have been able to do back in the day. But I realized that lately, I’ve been trying to justify things in a new way: by skipping a meal and/or replacing it with whatever treat I’m giving myself. Is a big ol’ scoop of ice cream for dinner healthier than a piece of salmon, a sweet potato, and some veggies followed by a small bowl of ice cream? Nope. But only if I got real about what I meant by “healthier.”  In the past, I’ve been so convinced that thinner, leaner, “fitter” looking is by definition “healthier” that my default setting was towards eating less and losing weight. The redefinition process is ongoing. I still grab the low fat yogurt and salad dressing off the shelves before I put them back and grab the real deal when I’m grocery shopping. I still sometimes catch myself overdoing it with exercise. But the shift is happening. In terms of ice cream and treats, redefining healthy has meant recognizing that ice cream has a place in my diet, but it’s place is not to provide me with real nutrition.

My vision of ideal health has room for ice cream. Does your definition of healthy? And does that match the ideal body that you picture coming from this notion of healthy? If those two don’t match, you’re likely in for the same kind of struggle I went through.

Getting real about my definition of health and expanding it to include more than just a certain weight, body composition, etc. has changed the way I live and taken me into that next stage: reality. If I prioritize my health and this new definition (based on actually taking care of myself and creating a healthy, fit, strong body) I realize that I need to eat real food first and foremost. If I want ice cream on top of that, awesome, but I still need the nutrition first. I don’t compromise the fact that I need to eat whole, nutrient dense foods for the sake of attempting to fit into my skinny jeans. This is about valuing my health.

In other words, this is about realizing on another level that you can’t uncrap a crappy choice. It’s about owning the fact that I might weigh 10lbs more than what someone says is “ideal” but knowing that I’m in a healthy place physically and mentally. That gives me permission to eat ice cream regardless of what it does to the size of my butt but it also places the responsibility on me to own that choice and the way my body looks as a result.

This post is about ice cream, but the theme is way bigger than frozen desserts and food. Living in reality requires taking responsibility, but it’s an empowered place to be.

What’s your perspective on how dessert fits into a “healthy” diet?
How do you define healthy? 

Bonus: Here’s a link to a (much shorter than this) post that I read a while back from Nell Stephenson (Paleoista) that puts out a pretty firm opinion on the froyo as a meal habit. 

Is it…Another dreaded work week starting? One day closer to the vacation that’s keeping you going in the meantime?

Or maybe…Another opportunity to do what you love? A step closer to where you want to be?

Google “monday morning” and what comes up are related searches like  ”monday morning sucks” and images like these:

Apparently, Mondays are supposed to suck.

I’d suggest an alternative. I’m lucky to have a pretty large number of friends who are absolutely jazzed about the jobs they have and make no apologies for saying so. Having people who are refreshingly happy to go about their jobs–and who even work on the weekend on a regular basis because they’re so inspired and motivated to do so–serves as a reminder that just because it’s “normal” (my favourite word) to hate your job doesn’t mean it’s the only option.

It’s cheesy and it’s life coach-y of me to remind you that you deserve a job that you love and that you spring out of bed for, even on a Monday, but I’m cheesy and life coach-y so I’m doing it anyways: you deserve to like your work. 

I get it: you can’t just quit a job you hate with the faith that a job that you love will materialize immediately. Alternatives? Find the aspects you like about your job now and focus on those. Plan for a transition if you’re truly in a job that you hate–just do something that moves you towards a better set-up (start a job search, update your resume).

I’m going to leave you with a few questions…

• If you’re already loving Mondays, what is it about your life that makes it such?
• If you’re not, what kind of reality would make you happy to get up and get going on a Monday?
• What already lights you up about your work? How can you do more of it?
• If you stay where you’re at for the next 5 years, what will your life look like? And what would you like it to look like?
• What would it be like to wake up and be excited to head to work? How else would your life change?

I’d love to hear your take on what a Monday morning means to you. Please share your thoughts! 

I’m going to start things off with a person who I’ve been internet stalking for a few weeks now whose outlook and perspective really resonates with me.

Nia Shanks rocks my socks.

I’ve been eating up her blog–from the awesome post where she tackles giving up the fat loss mindset to the one about training to be awesome and how powerful positive thinking can be –, listening to podcasts she’s a guest on, scouring youtube for her videos, and basically developing a serious girl crush on this lady lately.

Reasons I love her:

• She keeps things uber simple.
• She’s part of a revolution that gets back to being strong and not focusing on dieting or losing weight.
• She doesn’t apologize for who she is.
• She is authentic and speaks her truth. Her story–from obsessive disordered eating to empowered, intuitive eating–rocks.

• She uses the word “awesome” almost as much as I do.
• We share a serious love for deadlifts.

• She is on the same wavelength as me when it comes to self worth and body image and self esteem.

Seriously though, I am SO glad I stumbled onto this woman and got sucked in.

Take-aways:

1. Get back to basics/simplify nutrition.
2. Focus on performance and whatever is positive that you can do.

Do you follow Nia?
Any of this tickle your fancy?
Whose stuff are your currently obsessed with? 

In my latest roam, I realized the magazines that I used to read religiously no longer interest me–specifically the “health” and “fitness” focused ones I used to subscribe to. Maybe because I’ve reframed what I think “healthy” looks like, feels like, and “requires,” looking at the covers of these magazines actually made me want to blow my top.

Let me explain…

1.

• “The best swimsuits for your shape”  So is this my shape before or after I tighten (flatten and tone) my tummy, drop 10lbs fast, or build my body for sex?
• “Get it now! A body built for sex” Last time I checked, our bodies were good to go on that front, no building required. My body is built for living–I don’t have to build it for anything.
• “Shape your life”  I get it! My life is my abs, sex, weight loss, and bathing suits. …right. For how long did I let the shape of my body–and the pursuit of a different one–run my life? Enough.  

2.

• “60 miracle foods: They practically lose the weight for you” What weight? And are these miracle foods parasitic? Last time I checked, I ate food because it GIVES me energy, not because it loses weight “for me.”
• “Your beach body in 7 days: look insanely fit in anything” Look insanely fit? What about being insanely fit? 
  
• “Burn 200 extra calories by noon” I care about burning calories? And I want to burn more of them? Thanks for filling me in. 
• “Haven’t slept in forever? Help, p. 68″ No, I haven’t. I’m too stressed figuring out how I’m going to simultaneously have the beach body this magazine will help me get plus the body built for sex that my issue of Shape’s gonna deliver. Maybe the answer is sex on the beach. 

I’d advise agains image searching “sex on the beach” in public.

• “Flat abs fast!” At least Shape and Self agree that my abs should be flat. 

3.

• “Flat abs! Best moves for OMG results” Flat is apparently the way to be. My abs missed the memo…
• “Action plan for younger, prettier skin” They found a time machine?! COOL! And younger is prettier?! DAMMIT! I can only get older. 
  
• “Smoothies that slim and satisfy” Again with my food making me skinnier? Last time I checked, food that nourished me left me satisfied. 
• “No fuss, no fail: Ways to shed more pounds” I’m getting the sense that if I don’t lose weight, I’m a fail. 
• “The new thinking on fat: What your weight really says about your health” Do tell. Now that I know how not to be fail at shedding more pounds, ya better be telling me thin is in. Oh wait, this cover doesn’t tell me that–it screams it. 
• “Stress less: simple strategies to find your calm” Like not buying (into) this magazine? 

4.

• “Shed 5, 10, 15lbs: Burn calories, build strength” Am I burning calories? Am I building strength? Or am I shedding weight? 
• “Jordana Brewster: Shortcuts to a beach body” Shortcuts are definitely key in health, fitness, and life. My favourite is skipping thinking and taking advice from magazines. 
• “Is your workout making you fat?” More important: is your workout making you HEALTH-y, HEALTH magazine? Is it making you smile?
  
• “Slim at any age” Cuz slim and HEALTH-y are synonyms. Right. 
  
• “Stop pointless food stress: enjoy eating without the guilt” The curious cat in me wants to know if we’d be less stressed about food if we didn’t think we needed to be thin, if we didn’t need a beach body, if our workout wasn’t making us fat, etc. or maybe if we looked at the reasons why women feel so f*cking guilty about eating instead of making it their responsibility to simultaneously get over the guilt while also aspiring to be slim and look good on the beach. 
  
• “Stress less and find your bliss” I’m sure I lost it in the pages of a magazine. 

5.

• “Great butt: Sculpt a high, tight tush–in record time” I’ll be squatting. 
• “Fun in the sun: SPF that lets you bask–guilt free!” I didn’t know I was supposed to feel guilty for getting my vitamin D. Or that I basking was desirable. Call me crazy, but I’d rather be in the sun hiking, playing soccer, or doing something. 
• “A flat belly in 15 minutes” If my belly’s fat, will my tummy be flat? What about my abs?
• “Stay healthy shortcuts” More shortcuts! Amen. 
  
• “How to make anyone like you” +  ”Summer recipes, hot swimsuits & the WH beauty awards” I feel healthier as a woman already. 

…

I’m aware that I’m being critical of these covers, but the alternative is being critical of myself.

The sense that I get when I look at the teasers on the cover of these magazines is depressing:

1. We need to lose weight. Whether they call it shedding or losing, promise that you’ll lose it fast, or suggest that you should be slimmer, the message around weight is that it matters and that less is better.
2. When it comes to abs, flat is where it’s at. 4/5 magazines have the word “flat” with some mention of the stomach region. I’m just going to put it out there: I had flat “abs” a few years ago and I was miserable. My abs are not flat right now and I am happy. Personal conclusion: I do not require flat abs for a happy, healthy life.
3. Stress less/find your bliss. I wish that everyone could find their bliss so simply, but fulfilment is something you have to define for yourself and make real in your life, plain and simple. It’s not something you can be told–or sold, for that matter.
4. Celebrities in bathing suits are worth celebrating. Yes, Britney holds a special place in my heart, but I would like to see a single athlete on the cover. Or a celebrity doing something besides standing half-nekkid. Britney is a great example: the cover suggests that she has her shit together, but does she? And how many people were paid to make it appear as such? And what does it really mean to have your shit together?
5. We are responsible for building specific bodies. The ones that happen when we take care of ourselves must not be good enough if this is true. My favourite is the mention of the “beach body.” Luckily I’ve realized that my beach body is the same body that I use for eating ice cream, doing cartwheels, and sitting on my butt. And I don’t have to “build it” on purpose–I just have to take care of it and let it become what it will.
   

   God I love this.

6. There’s something–lots of things, actually–wrong with you. You can fix them, though. Buying into the idea that you’re broken or need fixing–that there’s too much stress in your life, that your sex life isn’t good enough, that you need to lose weight, etc.–means buying. Period. Magazines need to sell themselves, the products in them, and the idea of health that’s based on you needing to keep fixing yourself if they want to be successful. If you want to be successful, I’d suggest operating from a place of realizing that you’re not broken. Just a thought.

In all seriousness, I can’t believe that I used to dream about being a writer for these magazines and actively creating these messages–especially the last one. Realizing that the media has such a big impact on the way that people (myself included) think about their bodies and health–and that the perspective is often ridiculous–has been a turning point for me. So has shifting my perspective on health to one based on our bodies being designed for health, given the right requirements–talk about a game changer!

So I might end up frustrated in the magazine section of Chapters, but I’d say it’s worth it.

Do you read fitness/health magazines?
What magazines do you subscribe to and/or read regularly?
If you could write for any magazine, which would it be?

Not too long ago, I sat down and wrote out my big 5 goals for the rest of 2013.

On that list were two that I’m thinking about this week. I mentioned in my last post that I crossed part of my CrossFit/training goals off my list when I Rx’d Fran the other day.

Also on that list was a weight loss goal (15lbs, specifically).

Forgive me for forgetting if I blogged about this or not, but a month or so ago I went to the doctors and was weighed.

And I lost my shit.

The number was higher than it has been in years, and when my doctor busted out his BMI app and promptly informed me that I was overweight, I lost shit I didn’t even know I had.

I cried.

My doctor tried assuring me that while I was a little overweight now, the fact that I’d gotten my period back somewhere during the last 20 of the 50lbs I’d gained suggested that I might be close to my “ideal” weight. He figured out that if I lost 15lbs, I’d be back in the “healthy range” but might still be at a level that would support menstruation.

I took this to mean that I needed to lose 15lbs.

I took it to mean that I had taken things too far.

I took it to mean that I was too fat.

So I cried more.

And more.

For about a week.

I doubted the things I was doing—strength training, cutting back on chronic cardio, resting more, healing.

And then I bought a scale.

I talked about what I thought weighing myself would do with a lot of the important people in my life, and I took on the perspective that by not weighing myself, I was blanking out. I told myself that knowing where my weight was at was empowering and that I needed to get real and stop blanking out on what was going on with my body.

Thank god a woman’s prerogative is to change her mind, because I couldn’t be more certain that that idea was wrong.

Scales are for fish.

Blanking out isn’t not knowing how much my body weighs.

Blanking out is thinking that just because the scale is going down, I’m “okay” or I’m “getting away with things.”

Consciousness isn’t knowing how much I weigh, it’s having the integrity to look at what I’m doing and to judge myself based on whether or not I’m taking good care of myself—regardless of what that does to my weight or appearance.

The reality is, it’s tougher to look at our actions and to own up to whether or not we’re really living in line with what we know is healthy than it is to justify our “bad” behaviours based on the fact that we have a body that fits some picture of “healthy” or “fit” that we’ve created (or that’s been created for us, but that’s a whole different can of worms). It’s tougher to admit that your body, at its healthiest, might not look like one from a crossfit girls photo.

The gem here is that our actions are what matters, not what our bodies look like or how they measure up.

To be healthy, do healthy things.

I know what I’ve been doing is working (making me healthy), not “working” (making me look “healthy”) because I’ve been under regular chiropractic care for almost a year and it’s pretty cool to see the progress I’ve made there. I had three periods in a row for the first time in over five years—I’m a girl again! My hormones are not perfect, but they’re coming back to normal. I am the strongest I’ve ever been. I realize that exercise is about building up my body, not punishing myself or burning off food or proving my self worth. I eat more real food than ever before and can actually feel my hunger cues, identify foods that don’t agree with my body, and know that eating is about meeting nutrient requirements, plain and simple.

Ideal is as ideal does. My ideal isn’t some arbitrary number that puts me in a “healthy” range on a chart. I know I’m healthy when I’m doing healthy things. My weight/BMI and even my body composition are side effects. The only thing that focusing on these does is serve to drive me batshit crazy.

It looks like I’m crossing two goals off my list this week.

I feel lighter already.