This morning I got all ready for school, excited even, and then headed up the hill to Brescia.
I made sure I had a good breakfast (cocoa oats with peanut butter and banana and egg whites) and the sun was shining.
Turns out my classmates and I were keeners and we only had afternoon class today.
I briefly thought about going for a blissful bike ride and was going to complain about having to teach spin and needing to save legs until I decided not to.
So instead I did what every girl in her right mind would do and went to the mall, where I proceeded to buy myself new shorts that fit (I had a tough time with this yesterday when my summer clothes–which are either a size too big or two too small so are not flattering and not serving me, really) and a bunch of cheap but cute bathing suits that I can mix and match with others in my closet.
I’m calling it back to school shopping and saying it was just plain necessary. To be honest, I have to say that it was needed. I was upset yesterday about going to the beach because I didn’t have anything to wear that fit comfortably, not because I didn’t want to be seen in shorts or a bathing suit. That’s new for me — even when the smaller stuff fit, I didn’t feel good. The picture from yesterday is one I actually love–and I take that as proof that this whole adjustment thing is actually happening. I honestly just needed clothes that make me feel comfortable. It’s not my body that I was upset over yesterday, it’s the fact that I didn’t have stuff to dress THIS body. And that made me feel wrong. And that’s not okay. Hence, those clothes aren’t serving me. And since I love shopping, buying new ones was easy as pie. I am not trying to brag, just to say that it does get easier to like your body. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops: I like how I look in a bathing suit! Weird tan lines, a little bit of pudge, strange bruises and all!
My eats today were random — an apple during shopping, a salad with carrots/sprouts/cherries/canned salmon for lunch that just didn’t do it for me. Blahhh. In fact it threw my stomach off.
After school finished, I met up with Andrew for a playground workout. It was kind of awesome to be swinging on monkey bars and playing in the sun, not to mention I haven’t run around like that in a while…
I was finally hungry after this workout so I had a quick dinner of a sandwich before heading to spin! The class was small but it was good nonetheless! Afterwards I went to the grocery store. Bad idea to shop when you’re tired. I think I took twice as long as normal! But if that’s the price I pay for having too much fun to go to the store this weekend then so be it.
When I got home, I immediately dove into the chocolate. I’m not going to lie, it might be subconscious stress over this summer school stuff/buying bigger clothes/being so happy (that sounds weird but it makes sense to me — though I’m reminding myself happy is where we are supposed to be)/the lack of an afternoon snack catching up with me, but I was kind of a chocolate monster tonight.
I gave up on the plain chocolate and decided to make it into a substantial/kind of more nutritious snack by adding in greek yogurt, cocoa, and coconut.
Well, with a home made coffee/cocoa concoction, success. I think I’m done with the chocolate for the night…
One thing I know: this isn’t a reason to beat myself up. It’s not a binge. It’s not proof that I’m out of control. It might be proof that I’m normal, in fact!
Anyways, as you can tell I’m getting delusional. And it’s another school night — so I think I’m heading to bed (if the sugar rush lets me sleep, that is).
How do you deal with chocolate cravings?
Do you like bathing suit shopping?
Have you ever realized you like your body and wanted to shout it from the rooftops?
PS – I added a new page with a bunch of inspirational cheese. Enjoy!