Feeling good, on purpose

Posted on July 23, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

HAPPY MONDAY! That’s an extra happy Monday, which tends to follow awesome weekends.

Golfing yesterday was the perfect way to spend the afternoon. It was sunny but no too hot, the company was good, and we won’t talk about the score.

Amanda, Justin and some sweaty crazy girl.

Sweetest rental clubs EVER.

After golf, I had the quickest/easiest dinner ever because I wanted to go to yoga. The morning class reignited my love for getting my zen on and I was just itching to get back to Yoga Shack, so I figured that anything I was going to do last night could wait until today in favour of going to Dave’s power flow class.

Turkey jerky, apple, and cheese = quick, easy dinner. MIA: vegetables

When I got home from the class, which was awesome and of course involved my favourite song in savasana (it must have been meant to be–seriously!), I mostly read blogs and my Oprah magazine (which went all the way to and from Virginia unopened) and ate bon bons.

Oprah has a knack for inspiring me, as cheesy as that might be. This issue was filled with quizzes, which I used to prompt some good old journalling. I had been thinking a lot lately about defining my purpose. No big deal, right? Alysha mentioned hers to me on Saturday post-race because she’s been working hard at her life coaching certification and I was so impressed with the confidence that she had. I read some posts about purpose and talked to some pretty inspiring people and realized that I’m lacking that direction and could probably stand to at least attempt at defining what I want. So what came to me yesterday after writing out some of the answers to the quiz in the magazine about what is “fun” for you flowed pretty easily onto my journal page (I’m not good at talking things out but when I get to writing, stuff just flows) and was something like:

I am here to serve as a real life example of living healthy and to use my own personal experience to launch a career and a life of inspiring, enabling, and coaching others to find their own best possible definition of health.

There are two things I have to explain in there:

“real life example” — I have room for real life things like days away from training, like meals that aren’t perfect, like hitting bumps in the road and dealing with them as they come. Sometimes coaches and teachers seem like they’re living in an alternate reality where bad things don’t happen and where everything is easy and then it’s hard to relate to them. Lucky for me, I live in the real world and I like challenges.
“living healthy” — Notice that “living” comes before “healthy” since to me, the only way to be healthy is to live. The only reason to be healthy is to live. Sure, if you don’t have your health, you don’t have much. But if you don’t want to live a little while you’re here, why bother being healthy? So you can get to your grave in one happy piece at 15% body fat with a six pack? OK, have fun with that. I’m going to be going on some adventures while you work on your biceps. Keep flexing at yourself in the mirror while I go out and get some real life fulfillment.

More thoughts:

My talent for writing is something that I’m working on turning into a skill and using it to communicate all of these things–the principles of healthy living, the lessons I’ve learned, the people who I’ve encountered and their own messages–that’s where I find myself getting into a “zone”. Blogging might be a hobby, but there’s a reason why I keep doing it.
Teaching fitness is a nice part time job, but it has never felt like work. Interacting with people is what gives me the sense of connectedness on a daily basis–either personally or as an instructor/trainer. I see myself coaching in some capacity–whether it’s fitness, racing, yoga, nutrition, wellness, life–and being a leader, teacher, etc.
I want to work on my public speaking ability because being able to talk about my own experiences is something I hope to do. Having struggled through an eating disorder, I can pinpoint a bunch of people whose speeches have empowered me and inspired me to take another step forward. Jenni Schaefer talked about the step from “in recovery” to “recovered” and my life coach, Jennifer Schramm, talked about her four step recovery and how she got to awesome. Both of these women seriously changed my life in a one hour span–and that’s powerful!
Your dream career doesn’t have to exist, you just have to be willing to create it. There’s not really a secure job in this world–you might as well be insecure in a job that you absolutely spring out of bed to do. I have a feeling that if your career serves your highest, it really won’t feel like work. My plan is to work towards this unconventional idea for a while and if I am miserable and bankrupt and in trouble in five years, THEN I’ll settle. Teacher’s college has been appealing to me because it’s something to do and it’s something secure-ish. But it isn’t calling my heart out and I haven’t applied in the last two years even though I could have, so I don’t think I should go now. Doing a masters in kin is somewhat appealing, but ditto. If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no. If I can turn down Columbia, my dream school, for Journalism because I trust myself and my intuition enough to know that a master’s in journalism isn’t necessary for the 75000 price tag and all that jazz, I can say no to settling for conventional.

Creating your own vision for your career is just the first step. What else could you make amazing in your life? I want to go on adventures all the time — travel lots and do active things. I want to have nice things but I want to live simply. I want to use my money on things that I value — experiences and high quality things (food, stuff I need, etc.) and all that good stuff!
Nobody is going to stop you from being awesome, trust me. Most people are too busy living mediocre lives to care. If someone’s in your way, it could be jealousy, but I think what’s far more probably is that if you live on a big scale, you’ll inspire people. Once I interviewed Tina from Carrots n Cake and she said to me, “There’s plenty of room at the top.”–this really stuck with me. Someone who has made it to a high level and is living her passion essentially telling me that I’m allowed to do the same and am entitled to being just as successful? Holy canoli!
Stop asking for permission. You’re supposed to be great. Nobody really cares if you DON’T go for it — whether you’re scared or you don’t know how or you aren’t sure you’re allowed to. It’s entirely up to you to care. At the end of the day and the end of your life, it was ALL up to you!

My plan — could I be an endurance coach? a personal trainer? a wellness coach? a nutritionist? a life coach? a yoga instructor? a motivational speaker? a fitness instructor? a professional blogger? an author of books? a guest on the Today Show? A magazine columnist? All of these things? YES, YES, AND YES. Whatever floats my boat. Someone who changes the world? THAT TOO!

I think I’m done–for now! Today’s been a productive day after all and it’s only 10:30! Before this cheese-fest, I tackled that laundry head on, cooked up some food for this week, and made a list of things to get done for the week. It feels good to be organized, nice to be at home, and AMAZING to have defined all that stuff I just shared with you guys.

Kamut puffs, banana, coconut, walnuts, and soy milk for breakfast.

Obvs you needed this selfie. New shirt!

Home sweet home!

Now I’m going to use all this positive Monday energy to get to work on my freelancing assignments and fitness planning! Bootcamp and spin tonight are something to look forward to and I might make a little pit stop at the mall in between appointments today if I’m feeling it…

Do you ever just explode with inspiration?
Are you a golfer?
Do you have a dream career or are you creating your own?

Life is too short to be anything but happy

Posted on June 28, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

For a while—as in since last week, when I graduated. I’ve felt so out of whack and I know I’m getting back on the right track, but what is that track?

After taking this Food Science course and diving into this Foods and Nutrition Program (my third go at it, really), I know what I don’t want–to finish it. I’ve known that for a few weeks, and I’ve been thinking about my options (but you guys know I’ve been pretty busy).

While nothing is set in stone, I think I’m starting to wrap my head around a rough idea of where I’d like to head and of the kind of future I want to create for myself.

A year ago, I was sure I was going to be in Journalism school in september. Since then, I’ve realized I want to do more than write. I love to write. I will be a writer. I will keep pitching stories, blogging, and writing my heart out. I don’t need a master’s degree to do that.

A month ago, I was pretty certain I was going to be a dietitian. I knew I wanted to help people lead healthier lifestyles and I liked the idea of helping athletes and people working through eating disorders.

Journalist.

Dietitian.

Safe.

Today, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I’m forming a picture of what it’s going to look like without needing a label. No offence to anyone who has known what they’ve wanted to be since they were 5 and have come out of it with a great professional degree or something like that, but that hasn’t been working for me. I’m done sticking to the conventional just for the sake of feeling secure. At my graduation, the speaker mentioned something about how times have changed. Making money is tough. Finding “a job” is tough. He told us to take every opportunity. Things can seem overwhelming, but when you look at it as a world full of opportunities instead of feeling overwhelmed, you see that there is so much freaking potential that you can’t help but get excited.

I really never thought that I’d be so confused about what I want to do with myself. If you don’t know me or you can’t get vibes from my blog, I’m a stubborn person. I know where I’m headed, or at least I like to pretend I do. So this is a big shift for me, but it’s one that I know is going to lead me to a happier career and life at the end of it all.

I know it’s cheesy, but it’s true: “If you find a job you love, you’ll never work a day of your life.” It’s also true that by deciding that I’m going to work towards a happy holistic life instead of just securing a career, I’m just embracing all the awesome that I’m entitled to in a new way. I did it with my body–I don’t have to force myself to lose weight or to have perfect abs before I can be happy. In the same way, I don’t have to make sure the tI’ve got a set career path and plan that is stable before I can start living. Cuz FYI, life is flying by and I think the point is kind of to enjoy this whole process, right? Thanks for that realization, recovery!

So enough with the big thinking and rambling…what the heck am I going to do next?

I started to figure this out by thinking about my options and by talking it through with a lot of helpful listening ears. I started to look for examples of people living the kinds of lives–active, inspiring, engaging–that I want to and to take notes or to ask questions of what they’re doing. The truth is, they’re just following their bliss. That seems to be the key.

Right now, what’s making my heart sing most is:

teaching fitness
blogging and writing in general
rounding up cheesy quotes
yoga
reading, especially about nutrition, eating disorder recovery, and self help
working with my life coach

Things I considered for the coming year:

working as a fitness professional
going back to Western and taking some more kin courses and finishing my writing certificate
looking for a job somewhere exciting (mountains, anyone?)
applying to teacher’s college in the states or australia
applying for my masters in kin or in sports nutrition somewhere
pursuing the registered holistic nutritionist designation from the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition
going somewhere to get my 200 hour yoga teacher training
going on an NOLS trip – throwing myself into the wilderness, essentially
signing up for a program at Rhodes College, where my life coach went
taking violin lessons and getting far enough so that I can teach little kiddies how to play – I was pretty close, but my theory could use some work!

And to be totally honest, I want to do them all. Luckily I had a good reminder come my way from my mother:

(at once)

I also came to a big realization: if you’re meant to do something, YOU WILL. It doesn’t matter when. There isn’t that pressure. If you have to force yourself to do something, why are you doing it (career, but also training, etc.)? The things on that list that I really truly want to do will get done. The ones that don’t really matter won’t. It’s as simple as that.

So what’s my next step?

With a disclaimer that I am 100% allowed to change my mind, my plan is to work away at an independent study in sports sociology this fall while I do the registered holistic nutrition program (in London) on a part time basis and work as much as I can in fitness. I want to teach spin and bootcamp and I’d like to keep training with triathlon club. I’m going to think about doing an energy exchange at Yoga Shack, but if I’m too busy, I’ll keep yoga as purely something I do for the sake of doing. I’m going to see how things go and where I can work in fitness and my motto is to take opportunities that call out to me but say no to the ones that just don’t feel right (if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no). I’m going to keep blogging about all of the healthy living I do and I’m going to keep on writing (freelancing, volunteering at the Gazette, etc.). I’m hoping that when I’m done with the RHN program in two years, I can do one of the coaching programs at Rhodes. I know I want to help people and I think the programs would work together to give me the kind of training and experience I need to make positive change. I also think they’ll give me the information I want to write the kinds of articles and blogs that will do the same. I also know that it sounds a little hippie to say that I’m going to be a freelance writer, holistic nutritionist and life coach who also teaches fitness, but that’s what I’m feeling right now.

So if you were hoping I’d have a simple answer in the form of “When I grow up, I’m going to ______________,” no such luck!

I know that giving myself this end vision — I picture that life coach writer nutritionist fitness instructor, I see her as a slightly older, stronger, only more awesome version of myself — and making it as vivid as I can (she lives in a house in the mountains and has two chocolate labs and drives a nissan murano, btw) is motivating. I have a yoga instructor who often says to leave the picture in the mirror out of it and to see where you want to go and then make it happen, and I’m definitely feeling the application here.

When you can see it, you can feel it, and you can connect to it. And when I see that version of me, I feel so full of energy, happy, and all that good stuff. If you think I’m crazy, I’m telling you: you’re missing out. That’s kind of why I want to be some form of a coach–to help people connect to this feeling of being motivated and energized and pulled by the positive things in life. After recovery from my eating disorder, I know how rough things can get. This is like a second shot at life, and I feel like I need to spread the word and shout it from the rooftops even if some people look at me like I’m a new age hippie or something. I swear–I’m not high on anything (my friend summed up how people sometimes look at us pretty well)–except life itself. Yeah, I just said that!

So that was a whole lot of words and a whole lot of cheese, but it needed to be said! You better believe there’s a bucket list coming and a vision board in the works. I’ve been jotting down random things I want to do before I die on napkins and business cards and in random notes on my phone. This is all good. It keeps me thinking about the positive things that I want to do. Think big. Dream big. Be bold. All that good stuff.

For a really long time, my life was about living small and about listening to Ed. It was about food, calories, workouts, and all that stuff. Then it hit me, slowly, but hard: this is all there is. I’m going to die some day. Like that’s pretty morbid, but it’s true. There’s no point in doing something that doesn’t make me happy. There’s no point in not doing what I want to do or in at least trying to figure out what that is. This could be a post in itself, so I’m going to sum things up:

Hence this blog. Hence my whole outlook and approach to life.

Anddddd smile.

Have you ever changed your mind about school or your career?
What’s the number one thing on your bucket list?
If you’re working, are you doing the job you thought you would when you were younger?
Do you ever think of yourself in 10 years? What’s it look like?

Change

Posted on May 30, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Sometimes when I am out and about and daydreaming, I write blog posts on whatever I can get my hands on. Remember my Strong is the new skinny post? I wrote it on random paper on the plane to visit my dad and saved it for a few weeks before posting it. This is just proof that my blog is really my diary and that you should feel privileged to get so into my head. Ha – ha.

Just joking, but in all seriousness, I’ve been writing a bunch of these notes to myself/future blog posts/random musings lately and thinking that they’d make decent blog posts if I could clean them up a bit and if I had a reason for writing them.

It’s funny when that reason smacks you in the face.

Like this quote of the day, which I read before I even got out of bed today.

Not a bad way to start the day, huh?

Anyways, it relates back to one of those notes I wrote where I started thinking about how much I’ve changed in the last year, two years, four years, etc. and about how I’ve really come into my own power and am starting to feel increasingly confident about who I want to be and where I want to go. It is funny that my eating disorder was the wakeup call I needed to make me realize that I’ve been holding myself back.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: eating disorders make your world small. When you let ED bring you down, you can’t fly. It’s really hard to figure out what it is that’s missing, but when you do, things start to click. Until I realized that I was convinced I deserved to be miserable/didn’t deserve to be happy, I was stuck. Sure I was “in recovery” but I wasn’t there. If I didn’t deserve all the good in the world, do you think I thought I deserved recovery?

So after telling myself over and over again (I’ve got reminders posted around my apartment, I’ve got popups on my phone, I’ve got events scheduled on my google calendar): “You deserve all the good in the world,” I am starting to actually believe it. And I’m noticing where else I might be holding myself back:

school – going back vs. not going back
career – writing, fitness
relationships – friends, family, boys
training/eating/body

It’s taken a lot of looking in and being really brutally honest with myself to see how I’m bringing myself down and then the next step of it all has been to ask why. Am I scared of making really strong friendships because I think people are going to hurt me? Am I scared of being a really successful writer because I think “how dare you?” While I do think it’s important to do all this, I’ve started to just focus on where I want to go and who I want to be instead and to move towards that, which feels really goal. When I was stuck in my delusional eating disordered ways I would set these huge goals and give myself direction, albeit misguided. For a while, I wasn’t sure if setting goals was healthy for me or not, but now I’ve realized: that same drive and determination that I used to use to fuel my ED can fuel ME on the path to being great.

The other day I was looking for something in my old workout books and I came across a dog-eared page in Jackie Warner’s book where she wrote about goals and discovering what you really want and about visualization. She said, “Voice your goals and passions with as many people as possible. The more you talk about them, the more you imprint and program them into your subconscious mind. Talking the talk will lead to walking the walk.”

So that’s what I’m doing. But what am I saying and who do I want to be?

I want to be healthy, fit, and strong. I don’t want to be skinny, I don’t want a six pack at all costs, and I don’t want to be obsessive. But I do love fitness and I am allowed to like my body when it looks fit.
I want to eat real food and I want to eat food that makes me feel good without apologies or worrying about what people will say. Like I’ve mentioned before, eating disorder recovery means opening up to fear foods, eating them and seeing that your life goes on, etc. etc. But I’m talking here about finding what makes you feel the best–and that might mean leaving out some foods not because they’re “scary” or because you think they’re going to ruin you, but because they’re not working for you and your body. What I have noticed is this: I feel best on whole, real foods. Imagine that. I feel worse when I eat certain things because I feel like I should (i.e. have a bun with your dinner because if you don’t have starch you’re going back to your ED ways. Hello, still giving power to ED.) I’m in charge of my food choices and I will never forget all the recovery lessons I’ve learned–skipping a bun or choosing not to eat certain foods doesn’t mean ED is back, it means I’m ready to eat for me again!
I want to find a career that calls to me and go after it whole heartedly. Right now, I don’t entirely know what that looks like. One thing I do know is this — fitness and health and nutrition call to me. I might be on the right track with going back to school to be a dietitian, but I might be using this as a way to further delay things because I am scared. But fear isn’t a good reason for me to do/not do certain things and I’ll just admit it: for a long time, I thought I was too fat/inexperienced/young to start my career and thinking all of those thoughts also made me see myself as someone who could never really succeed in the fitness/health industry. But you know what? I’ve been thinking more and more about those presenters, leaders, movers/shakers in the fitness world and I think I could be a force. And I don’t think I need to change at all on the outside: I think it all has to do with continuing on this track to confident Cheryl and believing in myself and visualizing myself as that woman!
I want to do something unconventional with my life. I don’t know what it’s going to look like. Motivational speaker/adventure race coach/personal trainer/author/blogger/wellness coach/sports nutritionist/writer/athlete/? This is the fun part – I’m only going to be 23 with wide open possibilities once and rather than fear the unknown, I want to take it all as an adventure – that’s why we’re here!
I want to be me. I want to wear the weird clothes that I like, not the “cool” ones that everyone else wears. I want to be loud, random, spontaneous and awesome because that’s who I am.

This change, this movement in my life feels GOOD. Even though we resist change sometimes, it’s so important to be open to it. Whereas in the past I’ve been terrified of change, this time it’s different. I chalk it up to knowing I can take it on–that confidence thing again! I also think that a big difference here is that this is coming from my core and is about who I want to be, not how I want to look or present myself to the world. If there was a lot of resistance to these changes, I wouldn’t make them because I’m learning that I am in charge and know what I need and trusting that intuition. And I think that for me to make lasting change and a real shift, it’s got to be something I want with my whole heart and feel good about making. So often we think about change as something we have to force ourselves to do or as a struggle, but that ignores the fact that we are the ones in control.

That’s a news flash: it’s not ED, the media, your parents, your friends, or anyone else that you have to answer to when things are said and done. It’s you and what you think of yourself that matters. Trust yourself, listen to your intuition, and ask yourself who you want to be? Find changes that feel good and lean into those–don’t worry about the changes that make you feel bad (chances are they’re for someone else).

I don’t know a better way to end all of this than to share some of my favourite cheese on the topic of inspiration and of course, you might as well have a little background music to reflect to.

What do you guys think about what I said about change?
How do you see your ideal self?
Do you ever write blog posts on random papers/napkins/your phone for later?

Can’t hardly wait

Posted on May 28, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Yahhooo for finishing my exam first. I think it’s because I don’t believe in answers coming spontaneously and I don’t like to sit in a classroom feeling clueless, so I’m usually the first student to vacate the premises during an exam. Today was no different. I won’t lie, there were questions I guessed on. Whatever. I could have studied more and gotten some of them, but I think mostly they were things I wouldn’t have noted anyhow. What matters is this: I’m smiling!

This afternoon I ran to the mall to buy some essentials (i.e. deodorant–not something you want to run out of when it’s 30 degrees C out!). I treated myself to an iced decaf americano and came home with the intentions of getting right to work on my freelancing assignment but I got sidetracked by a snack and by the mail!

We all know I love countdowns and I’ve added another one to my list. But it’s good because it means that I’ll be crossing something off my bucket list (going to a conference), which I forgot to mention earlier is getting shorter since I was ballsy at yoga today and did it in my sports bra (FYI you still sweat buckets).

A few weeks ago I registered for the Canfitpro conference in August. And today the magazine with the sessions came, which means I got down to business choosing my sessions. 80 days til I get to go!

And I’m so excited because some highlights (though you have to wait to get confirmation about which of your choices you get) include:

a session with Tosca Reno, who I met a few years ago at the Trade Show

a session with Tommy Europe
a keynote speech from Simon Whitfield
tons of spinning
lots of bootcamp ideas
plenty of business focused lectures (because you can’t actually work out from dawn til dusk 3 days in a row and expect to be smiling/walking)

Just to put it into perspective, this conference will be a week after (not even) I get home from my cycle tour out west and will lead me right up to the Tough Mudder, which I really want to do but signed up for knowing that I might not actually do it. Decisions, decisions.

Anyways, there are some cool sessions that got me to thinking. One is by a lady about how to use your blog as a fitness professional. I googled her (Amanda Vogel) and saw she’s doing something kind of cool with her life. Another one that caught my eye was a presentation about the China Study vs. the Paleo Diet by a lady who is holistic nutritionist and has her Precision Nutrition cert, which is run by John Berardi, who is also presenting and who went to Western. I even interviewed him for a piece in the Gazette earlier this year. The fitness world is big but it’s pretty small. And I’m part of it! Pretty cool, eh? And part of me wants to be a bigger part of it. I often think of myself as someone who is just getting started or someone who isn’t good enough/legit enough, but you know what? You have to start somewhere. And I’ve been a fitness instructor for four years and people tell me I’m good at it. Why not believe them and dive right in? Going to this conference is hopefully going to only motivate me more and open up my eyes to even more possibility.

So. Much. Thinking…but NOW it’s time for me to get down to work on that article and to make a new playlist for spin tonight. Get excited!

How do you feel about unconventional careers?
What are you counting down to this summer?

Giving up

Posted on February 29, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

After teaching and coming home and eating a quick dinner (sadly I didn’t cook the pasta I meant to), I am ready for my futon. Despite deadlines galore, I’m going to relax again tonight.

And by relax I mean do some soul searching and some researching.

It’s good news that I got into UBC’s Journalism program in the beautiful beautiful Vancouver BUT it’s raising doubts in me (what the heck?!). I need to get on track with where I want to end up — and stop letting the lure of a good school or a nice city stray me away from what I know and trust about myself. It’s time for some goal setting, kiddos!

I wasn’t going to bring it up on this blog because I really thought it was something I’d be able to sort through myself, but I’m realizing more and more I’m bothered by something. When I told a friend, who I know didn’t mean to hurt me, that I was thinking of heading back to Brescia for Foods and Nutrition as a second undergrad, she asked me if I meant I was “giving up” on UBC and Columbia. I was really hurt by the comment, and I don’t blame her but I do question how much I was affected by it. Is it “giving up” if I don’t go? What if it’s because I’ve decided that “journalist” isn’t the right job title for me, but “writer” is? But the insecurity I have makes me wonder: am I so sure this is what I want to do?

These are the questions I need to think through tonight and for the next little while. The deadline to accept for journalism school is in mid-March, which is fast approaching. I really don’t KNOW the job title I want when I grow up. I accept that that much is entirely normal. It gets scary when going to a master’s program that I’ve already been accepted to presents itself as an opportunity–one that I was so sure I wanted not too long ago. When I think about things, though, I remember why I strayed from it in the first place: I don’t know that the lifestyle, insecurity, and stress that goes along with being a professional journalist would be the kind of living I want. I do know that I LOVE writing. I do know that there is stress and insecurity in terms of other careers too. But I know that constant deadlines and the stress of writing pieces, especially about things I don’t particularly love, is less than ideal for me.

I also know that I have done a fair bit of writing for a student and have enjoyed it but the majority of it has been stuff I’ve gotten set up with via connections, people I’ve met/networking, or pure luck. I know there’s talk of not even needing a journalism degree to be a journalist (but I always thought you might as well get an education if that’s your goal), but I’m not sure what the consensus is on how a journalism school degree would help you get freelance work or to write about topics you’re passionate about. If I wanted to be a journalist full time, I’d go. It’s here where I get hung up. I would like to be a freelancer, I think, who has another job. And I don’t want to have that other job because I have to, but because I want to. I want a career that I’m passionate about that allows me to write. Think Nancy Clarke’s articles, what Michael Pollan does, or the work that a lot of professionals in their industries do in terms of writing.

To me, that whole goal would be better achieved by doing what I’m doing with writing (writing about some stuff outside of my loves to build my portfolio, practicing on a blog, freelancing whenever I can, and writing for free<–money is just a bonus if I do get paid but I know lots of aspiring journalists don’t want to “just write for free”) and by getting more training (i.e. more fitness teaching certifications or working with the ones I have) or education (hence going back to school). I know all of this, but I still have a little voice in my head that says if I want to be “legit” I should go to school for journalism.

Or that in ten years I might regret not going.

But that’s crap. In ten years, I can be whoever I want to be. Ten years is long enough to change everything but isn’t so long that you don’t see how those changes could happen. I could end up living in BC in a different route. I could end up being a contributor for Women’s Health via my route now (I am already writing for a national magazine, and I don’t give myself credit). OR I could totally change my mind and find something else. I could be the next Michael Pollan. I could end up a teacher, teaching kids to make a difference (cheesy but true). I could change the world. I don’t have to know HOW, I just have to trust that I have that kind of power.

I had a good talk with Mel today about some of the stuff I say that “pisses her off” — so much love for you, PS, Mel — like “I don’t know how it’s going to get better” usually referring to my hip or like “I should do ______” — and she told me straight up, you need to believe in yourself and even though we don’t know what’s going to happen, we have to believe that stuff is going to come through for us (I’m going to run this season and I will have a freaking vegetable garden and a house with a husband, some day). She also is good at reminding me to make a decision and own it (which is advice I receive a lot and even give out to friends). Sometimes I need to follow my own advice and check in on all those cheesy quotes I share with my friends…

Literally, food for thought. I have a lot of thinking to do! I am looking for advice from people in my life–I have a lot of unconditional support, which is awesome, and I know this is my own decision, but I am SOLICITING for it. I want some guidance, insight, etc.

I also want to go lay down and think! So that’s what I’m going to do.

What do you think? Have you ever dealt with a similar decision?

Happy is the new healthy

Tag Archives: career

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Can’t hardly wait

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