Tag Archives: dreams

You are not your goals

Posted on by

1

A few years ago, I walked into an interview for a job at lululemon with a binder full of my old goals and a host of sheets covered in inspirational quotes that rocked the management’s socks and totally made me an easy hire for the job. The goal setting aspect of my job at lululemon was easy peasy.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been setting goals, mostly health- or weight-related. Earlier this year, I set an aggressive set of goals for myself based on themes for the month—an idea I borrowed from a great dharma class I went to.

Two weeks ago, I went to my first training weekend with the Coaches Training Institute. If I tried to sum the experience up in a blog, I’d do it about 10% justice. It was inspiring, challenging, exciting, awesome…and a slap in the face. I’d dare say it inspired a game changer for me.

Let me elaborate (cue: word vomit).

If you’re unfamiliar with coactive coaching, one of the cornerstones of the model is that people are naturally creative, resourceful, and whole.

Doesn’t that make you feel good? Keep it in mind…I’ll come back to it.

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of being coached 1:1 by Christie Inge (as a side note, if you’ve struggled with emotional eating or are on the diet rollercoaster and are ready to jump off, check out her work). During our session, she said something that has absolutely stuck with me: “All roads lead to self worth.”

We were talking about how I spend a lot of time doing things to better myself: reading blogs, perusing the self-help section of the book store, setting goals. I can remember on my first call with Jennifer, my life coach, talking about how I was ready to set goals for myself and to be better. Since I had decided not to go to grad school and no longer felt like I needed to spend time working with a therapist on my eating disorder, I wanted something else to work towards to keep me moving forwards. Since then, I’ve spent a grand total of zero sessions with Jennifer working on my goals (we focus on things like emotions, thoughts, and beliefs).

The game changer?

I’m already good enough.

We’re all already good enough.

We’re all already whole.

Christie ran a coaching group that I was part of and repeated an idea over and over again: “You are inherently worthy.” Not working for you? What about, “Your worth is inherent.”

That’s music to my obsessive goal-setting ears.

You mean I don’t have to set goals to prove my self worth?

enough5

My old goals were often about things I wanted to fix—my weight, my eating, my spending. They were also filled with sexy goals I set because I thought they sounded impressive—running a marathon, being a certain weight, reaching a certain level of education.

Case in point: my goals were not serving me.  Ironically, the goal setting that I thought would bring me forwards and “make me better” was actually holding me back, sending me a message that I wasn’t good enough. Maybe I’d be worthy if I achieved them. I thought people without goals were crazy, lazy, and less than.

But…people are naturally creative, resourceful and whole.

Consider for a second the difference between living from a place of feeling unworthy and not good enough versus living from a place of worthiness. Believing that you are already good enough = self-esteem. Self-esteem is that handy dandy ingredient that makes all things possible and that when lacking, makes the simplest of things seem impossible.

worthiness

A life coach is not a goal coach.

It’s ironic that I sought out a life coach trying to find a way to make myself good enough. What’s happened is that I’ve come to recognize that at my core, I am good enough.

You are too!

So what’s an avid goal setter to do? Abandon all hopes of Rx’d Frans and other fun?

I think there’s a happy medium, and to find it I want to come back to that dharma idea I mentioned early on during this endless post.

Screen Shot 2013-03-10 at 9.25.43 PM

All hokey-/woo woo-ness aside, dharma’s got nothing to do with achievement and everything to do with a state of being. What if our goals took on a similar kind of “being” aim instead of becoming to-do lists on steroids?

My strategy and my advice to anyone sitting down with the goal of setting goals:

  • Set goals that match your values. Anytime you do things that clash with your values, even if they’re super sexy and impressive, you’re going to be worse off.
  • Set goals intended to create more of what you’d like in your life. Stop wasting your time and energy on using goals as a way to “fix” yourself.

Questions to start with:

  • What do you want to create in your life? Set goals based on what you want to move towards, not on what you want to move away from. Stop thinking of ways to fix yourself; focus on ways to create your life.
  • What is your vision for yourself? You are going to move towards your goals–figure out where you want to head and make them match that picture.

When you write your goals, try to ignore what other people’s goals are or what you think you should do. Running a marathon’s an awesome goal—if you want to run a marathon. If you hate running, it’s a terrible goal. Getting into grad school is great—if you want to go to grad school. If it’s your parents who want you to go to grad school, it’s one of those ones I’d leave off the list. Catch my drift?

All the while, keep in mind that you are already phenomenal. From that place, set goals that stretch you and move you beyond where you’re at. Goals that make your life amazing, inspiring, and fulfilling for you.  

Remember to avoid the to-do list on steroids temptation and to get into the big, scary, territory where you give yourself butterflies. This is where “your wildest dreams” are totally appropriate and welcome. What would you do if you couldn’t fail? Who would you be? How would you feel?

Example: I want to write a book that makes it onto the best sellers list. This matches up with my value of contribution. I want that book to be about health, another value. When I think about it, it makes me want to pee my pants–excitement and fear, two indications that I’m dreaming big and in the realm of the things that make my heart sing.

Get it?

Got it?

Go set some goals, kiddos.

Friendly reminder…

enough2

PS: You have permission to change your goals. At any time. In a year. In three months. Or five minutes.

Life is too short to be anything but happy

Posted on by

3

For a while—as in since last week, when I graduated. I’ve felt so out of whack and I know I’m getting back on the right track, but what is that track?

After taking this Food Science course and diving into this Foods and Nutrition Program (my third go at it, really), I know what I don’t want–to finish it. I’ve known that for a few weeks, and I’ve been thinking about my options (but you guys know I’ve been pretty busy).

While nothing is set in stone, I think I’m starting to wrap my head around a rough idea of where I’d like to head and of the kind of future I want to create for myself.

A year ago, I was sure I was going to be in Journalism school in september. Since then, I’ve realized I want to do more than write. I love to write. I will be a writer. I will keep pitching stories, blogging, and writing my heart out. I don’t need a master’s degree to do that.

A month ago, I was pretty certain I was going to be a dietitian. I knew I wanted to help people lead healthier lifestyles and I liked the idea of helping athletes and people working through eating disorders.

Journalist.

Dietitian.

Safe.

Today, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I’m forming a picture of what it’s going to look like without needing a label. No offence to anyone who has known what they’ve wanted to be since they were 5 and have come out of it with a great professional degree or something like that, but that hasn’t been working for me. I’m done sticking to the conventional just for the sake of feeling secure. At my graduation, the speaker mentioned something about how times have changed. Making money is tough. Finding “a job” is tough. He told us to take every opportunity. Things can seem overwhelming, but when you look at it as a world full of opportunities instead of feeling overwhelmed, you see that there is so much freaking potential that you can’t help but get excited.

I really never thought that I’d be so confused about what I want to do with myself. If you don’t know me or you can’t get vibes from my blog, I’m a stubborn person. I know where I’m headed, or at least I like to pretend I do. So this is a big shift for me, but it’s one that I know is going to lead me to a happier career and life at the end of it all.

I know it’s cheesy, but it’s true: “If you find a job you love, you’ll never work a day of your life.” It’s also true that by deciding that I’m going to work towards a happy holistic life instead of just securing a career, I’m just embracing all the awesome that I’m entitled to in a new way. I did it with my body–I don’t have to force myself to lose weight or to have perfect abs before I can be happy. In the same way, I don’t have to make sure the tI’ve got a set career path and plan that is stable before I can start living. Cuz FYI, life is flying by and I think the point is kind of to enjoy this whole process, right? Thanks for that realization, recovery!

So enough with the big thinking and rambling…what the heck am I going to do next?

I started to figure this out by thinking about my options and by talking it through with a lot of helpful listening ears. I started to look for examples of people living the kinds of lives–active, inspiring, engaging–that I want to and to take notes or to ask questions of what they’re doing. The truth is, they’re just following their bliss. That seems to be the key.

Right now, what’s making my heart sing most is:

  • teaching fitness
  • blogging and writing in general
  • rounding up cheesy quotes
  • yoga
  • reading, especially about nutrition, eating disorder recovery, and self help
  • working with my life coach
Things I considered for the coming year:
  • working as a fitness professional
  • going back to Western and taking some more kin courses and finishing my writing certificate
  • looking for a job somewhere exciting (mountains, anyone?)
  • applying to teacher’s college in the states or australia
  • applying for my masters in kin or in sports nutrition somewhere
  • pursuing the registered holistic nutritionist designation from the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition
  • going somewhere to get my 200 hour yoga teacher training
  • going on an NOLS trip – throwing myself into the wilderness, essentially
  • signing up for a program at Rhodes College, where my life coach went
  • taking violin lessons and getting far enough so that I can teach little kiddies how to play – I was pretty close, but my theory could use some work!
And to be totally honest, I want to do them all. Luckily I had a good reminder come my way from my mother:
(at once)
I also came to a big realization: if you’re meant to do something, YOU WILL. It doesn’t matter when. There isn’t that pressure. If you have to force yourself to do something, why are you doing it (career, but also training, etc.)? The things on that list that I really truly want to do will get done. The ones that don’t really matter won’t. It’s as simple as that.
So what’s my next step?
With a disclaimer that I am 100% allowed to change my mind, my plan is to work away at an independent study in sports sociology this fall while I do the registered holistic nutrition program (in London) on a part time basis and work as much as I can in fitness. I want to teach spin and bootcamp and I’d like to keep training with triathlon club. I’m going to think about doing an energy exchange at Yoga Shack, but if I’m too busy, I’ll keep yoga as purely something I do for the sake of doing. I’m going to see how things go and where I can work in fitness and my motto is to take opportunities that call out to me but say no to the ones that just don’t feel right (if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no). I’m going to keep blogging about all of the healthy living I do and I’m going to keep on writing (freelancing, volunteering at the Gazette, etc.). I’m hoping that when I’m done with the RHN program in two years, I can do one of the coaching programs at Rhodes. I know I want to help people and I think the programs would work together to give me the kind of training and experience I need to make positive change. I also think they’ll give me the information I want to write the kinds of articles and blogs that will do the same. I also know that it sounds a little hippie to say that I’m going to be a freelance writer, holistic nutritionist and life coach who also teaches fitness, but that’s what I’m feeling right now.
So if you were hoping I’d have a simple answer in the form of “When I grow up, I’m going to ______________,” no such luck!
I know that giving myself this end vision — I picture that life coach writer nutritionist fitness instructor, I see her as a slightly older, stronger, only more awesome version of myself — and making it as vivid as I can (she lives in a house in the mountains and has two chocolate labs and drives a nissan murano, btw) is motivating. I have a yoga instructor who often says to leave the picture in the mirror out of it and to see where you want to go and then make it happen, and I’m definitely feeling the application here.
When you can see it, you can feel it, and you can connect to it. And when I see that version of me, I feel so full of energy, happy, and all that good stuff. If you think I’m crazy, I’m telling you: you’re missing out. That’s kind of why I want to be some form of a coach–to help people connect to this feeling of being motivated and energized and pulled by the positive things in life. After recovery from my eating disorder, I know how rough things can get. This is like a second shot at life, and I feel like I need to spread the word and shout it from the rooftops even if some people look at me like I’m a new age hippie or something. I swear–I’m not high on anything (my friend summed up how people sometimes look at us pretty well)–except life itself. Yeah, I just said that!
So that was a whole lot of words and a whole lot of cheese, but it needed to be said! You better believe there’s a bucket list coming and a vision board in the works. I’ve been jotting down random things I want to do before I die on napkins and business cards and in random notes on my phone. This is all good. It keeps me thinking about the positive things that I want to do. Think big. Dream big. Be bold. All that good stuff.
For a really long time, my life was about living small and about listening to Ed. It was about food, calories, workouts, and all that stuff. Then it hit me, slowly, but hard: this is all there is. I’m going to die some day. Like that’s pretty morbid, but it’s true. There’s no point in doing something that doesn’t make me happy. There’s no point in not doing what I want to do or in at least trying to figure out what that is. This could be a post in itself, so I’m going to sum things up:
Hence this blog. Hence my whole outlook and approach to life.
Anddddd smile.
Have you ever changed your mind about school or your career?
What’s the number one thing on your bucket list?
If you’re working, are you doing the job you thought you would when you were younger?
Do you ever think of yourself in 10 years? What’s it look like?

Shake it off

Posted on by

6

Good morning!

I woke up pretty early this morning without an alarm. I’m using it as reason to eat a relaxing breakfast, watch the Today Show, drink copious amounts of coffee (just kidding) and to get down to work on cleaning my messy apartment (now that I have no excuse in the form of schoolwork).

Kashi, All Bran, berries, and almond butter with soy milk.

I think part of why I woke up so early was all the weird dreams I was having. One in particular shook me—I dreamt I decided that I wanted to go to Journalism school at Columbia. I saw myself opening my offer for financial aid and deciding that I wanted to go. And freaking out, starting to pack my apartment, and looking for an apartment in NYC.

Don’t worry, I’m not packing my bags. I don’t see myself actually having one of these moments, because I’m pretty darn excited about taking summer school to start off my Foods and Nutrition degree. So what I’m going to do is look up what the dream means. When I was a kid, my mom was always looking up our dreams in dream dictionaries, which is much easier to do now that we have the internet and unlimited resources at our disposal:

“Generally all packing dreams show that it is time to revaluate your life. How you actually pack the items in your dream is important. If you packed things in a hurry, and too quickly then you have too much in your life and you are not spending enough time on relaxing activities, you are starting to feel that you are taking on too much – which indicates a time for rest…Packing in your dream also signifies a feeling of interference from a family member; you may experience over the next year a family rift or something similar. Personal growth will only come about if you are willing to change and this dream clearly signifies that need in some form.”

“To dream of scholarship means advantages you have during times of stress or anxiety. Special benefits or
support you’ve gained through a close relationship.”
“To dream that you are moving away signifies your desire or need for change. It may also mean an end to a situation or relationship; you are moving on. Alternatively, it indicates your determination and issues regarding dependence/independence.”
“To see a city in your dream signifies your social environment and sense of community. If you dream of a big city, then it suggests that you need to develop closer ties and relationships. You are feeling alienated and alone.” 
Okay. So I’m in for some change, apparently. And I need to embrace it and embrace the relationships and the people in my life, it would seem. Isn’t that kind of always the truth, though? “Change is the essence of life…
Do you ever look up your dreams?
What would you do with a few free hours in the morning?

Let it out

Posted on by

8

Even though I blog about pretty much anything and everything, I still keep a journal. Writing, whether online or just for myself, is therapeutic. Regardless of whether or not your writing makes sense or you think it’s any good, I believe writing to sort out your feelings is something everyone should consider.

Today I’m in the mood to share. After realizing that right now’s a stressful time for many people—there’s a holiday coming up this weekend and even though we love our families, holidays in general can be anxiety-provoking, assignments are due and exams are looming for students, and summer is coming bringing with it lots of changes for so many of us—I thought, what better time to share some of the writing tools I used to help deal with my eating disorder (ED).

If you’re struggling with a full blown ED, occasionally hear his voice, or consider yourself recovered, there’s something here for you. Whether you share these or keep them to yourself, I encourage you to consider giving at least one of them a shot.

1. Write a letter to ED. I did this in a post on my old blog. Mine was a goodbye letter to him, but it will depend on where you are in your recovery.

Why? Doing this helps separate your from ED and might help you see the role he may have played in your life from a removed place.

2. List your reasons for recovery. Think big and small with this list. Maybe things like being able to go to a yoga class and relax will come up. Maybe something like being able to date. Perhaps you’ll realize you want to get better so you can go out to dinner without worrying about what the menu is like or what you’ll order. Maybe you know your ED is wearing on your bones so you might write down something about saving yourself from osteoporosis. It’s up to you, but you deserve all of the good things in the world, even if ED tells you otherwise, so don’t be scared to add them to your list.

Why? Seeing your reasons will help increase your motivation. Hanging onto this list serves as a good reminder to hang on when you are struggling.

3. List the things you’ve lost to ED. Warning: this can be frustrating. For instance, when I looked back on my struggles with ED and tried to think about things I missed out on, I almost fell into the trap of regretting things. A big one for me was realizing that I spent my first year of university mostly alone, bingeing and purging and spending hours on the elliptical when I could have been loving res life, meeting friends, or studying to do my best in my classes. It’s helpful to remember the quote, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”

Why? This will help you recognize that ED steals your life from you and will help motivate you to be free of him so you can experience things from here on out in the fullest.

4. Make a list of alternatives to your ED. What else could you do in the moment when your ED tries to lure you back in? My list, which I posted on my fridge for when I felt the urge to binge, included everything from painting my nails to going for a walk to planning an imaginary vacation I could never afford.

Why? Sure, you might have a bank of options in your head, but when you write them down and are able to see them in that manic moment, they become real alternatives that are much easier to actually do.

5. Write about your dreams. ED or not, writing about what you want for yourself is powerful. The first step to living the life of your dreams is figuring out what you want for yourself and allowing yourself to want it. At least for me, this took time and shutting ED up for long enough to admit that I deserved to be happy, successful, and awesome.  Then picture yourself living those dreams!

Why? Writing down your dreams helps you sort out what you want for yourself. Visualizing yourself achieving those dreams makes them real and attaches emotion to them. You’ll long for them.

6. Write down your goals. Dreaming is awesome for figuring out where you want to go. But if you can translate the dreams you wrote about into goals, that’s where the real magic happens. Attaching a deadline to your goals, getting specific, and making sure you know what you need to do to achieve the goals is a little bit of work, but it’s worth it. Resist the urge to make this about perfectionism or to put pressure on yourself, but be willing to push yourself to be the best you can be. Explore some of the goal setting tools out there, like the lululemon goaltender I love.

Why? Because it works. “People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going.”

Is your hand sore yet?

I hope that these suggestions work for you and help you forward in your recovery and in getting to that happy place you deserve to find!

Do you keep a journal or diary?
Have you ever done any of these exercises?
Do you have any writing prompts to share?