It’s about time

Posted on June 22, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Nah, I’m not talking about my race time from tonight’s Go the Distance race, but I do feel pretty content with my 41:36 8km time. I also feel good knowing that the money raised from the event went to such a good cause. I saw quite a few familiar faces at the race, including one friend who raised over $1000 for Hope’s Garden. AMAZING! She ROCKS.

They sent home the age group winners (2nd and 3rd too) with gift cards for Runner’s Choice (a running store here in London) so I have $10 to buy…something. Suggestions? I felt pretty sick during the race. My stomach is off and I found the chest cold I thought was pretty much gone. Things were clicking and snapping and hurting so you better believe I have a date with my foam roller and I think I need to rededicate not just to doing those awesome strength workouts I’m so fired up about (I started a box of WODs and ripped out routines from magazines and posted a teaser about bootcamp on Facebook today) but also to stretching, foam rolling, wearing my compression socks, and doing the little muscle work that I know is important for injury prevention. Promise!

I’m not sure what was up with my stomach. Nerves? I found myself nibbling all kinds of things this afternoon–I’m definitely one of those stress eaters. I did a pretty good job of fuelling today though, I’d say. I went to yoga this morning. I blogged. I sort of cleaned. My mom came for a quick visit and ran some errands and read some magazines with me (I’m a sucker for this month’s fitness mags since they’ve all got Olympic specials in them!). I sat around.

Now I am so glad to be done for the day. I’m pooped and my stomach feels off! Must be a combination of a busy week, weird eats, the race, and everything catching up to me but I just want to foam roll and face plant into bed. Laundry can wait. Dishes can wait. Sleep is essential! I just had some chocolate (dark–bring on those antioxidants) so cravings are satisfied. I am thinking cough syrup and bedtime are in order. Not going to get sucked into Facebook, into another Jillian Michaels podcast (I think I’ve heard 5 today–catching up on old ones!), or into reading blogs (sorry guys). I am hoping to go home for a bike ride in the morning tomorrow and then come back for some fun with friends in London tomorrow. Somewhere in the next 4 days I’ve got a lot of studying to do…gonna worry about that later! I’m preoccupied with how excited I am for finishing the tasks on my summer bucket list, having time to read non-school things at my leisure, for the opening of the outdoor pool (sweet one piece tan, let’s go), and for starting bootcamp<–especially this, but I guess if you’re going to be distracted it might as well be distracted by awesome.

How do you unwind after a long week?
Have you ever raced an 8k? What’d you think of the distance? - For me, I prefer 10k because it’s a bit more comfortable. Or maybe just familiar and I wasn’t sure how hard to push, or maybe it was the cold, or maybe I’m over thinking this! I had a good run and I was on the edge of my comfort zone and those kinds of workouts are important so I’m going to call it all a success.
What are you doing this weekend?

Saturdays are for…

Posted on April 21, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Swimming, shopping, and smiling?

Sure, we’ll go with that.

This morning I left my cereal boxes in the cupboard and made a bowl of warm oatmeal with walnuts, banana, brown sugar, and soy milk. Note to self: eat more oatmeal!

Just before swim my stomach was growling so I downed a quick bowl of yogurt to fuel my workout, which was awesome! I had company and we did some fun stuff out of the box for us! Yay for working new muscles and giving up your ego (we even did fly, not our strongest but definitely worth doing!)

When I got home I was smiling but I was ravenous. I tided myself over with my second adora disk of the day (love) while I made use of the heftiest bunch of kale I’ve ever bought. Kale chips, anyone?

They went perfectly with my ham and cheese sandwich with alfalfa sprouts. So much good on one plate!

My afternoon was about coffee, shopping, and snacks.

I even got to hear some vintage BSB when I was out and about!

And I returned some stuff to Aerie and came out with this awesome necklace…perfect much?

I also may or may not have been shopping for the finishings of a certain someone’s birthday present. I have a road trip on the agenda for this week so ya know, it might have happened!

How are you spending your Saturday?

Fro yo fosters deep insight

Posted on April 19, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

I’m skipping yoga for this so you know it must be good.

Where to start?

Right with the good stuff?

Or maybe with a quote?

Yeah…

This quote means a lot to me. Not just because it keeps turning up in my life — remember how last week I watched Cinderella Story…

Creepy!

Anyways, it reminds me of an epiphany I had. Today’s session with my therapist brought up the ideal of beliefs. In particular, false beliefs. And after the session, where we worked through some of the things I tell myself that are just downright wrong but that form so much of how I treat myself, how I view the world, and all that good stuff, I had a couple of other realizations. Good session, much?

Now I’ll dive right into it–what does fear have to do with fro yo?

…well. Tonight I was going to meet some friends for fro yo. I had in my mind that I would be A OK and that I just wouldn’t have any since I am trying to lose weight.

Logical enough, right?

Wait, W T F Cheryl?!

Something’s up when I’m telling myself I need to lose weight and accepting it at face value….

As recovered as I am, as much as I want my weight to be “happy” and to take care of itself, I still have a belief about myself that says I need to lose weight. And regardless of whether or not this is true, it informs everything I do. Yes, I am free from ED, but I am not free from this belief and I have a feeling that the belief has been around longer than ED and that it’s something I need to work through if I really want to live the life of my dreams—and since I’m not ready to settle for anything less than that, here goes! It’s like if I give up this belief, if I start to trust that I really AM awesome already, I’ll be doing something wrong. But that’s wrong–there’s nothing great about settling.

One thing my therapist did to help me bust through my beliefs was to ask me what it would look like if I still believed them in 5 years. So with this one, how will my life look in five years if I still think I need to lose weight? What might I miss out on? It’s kind of sad. Maybe I’ll get a job, maybe I’ll get through nutrition, maybe I’ll feel like a phoney because shouldn’t dietitians have this weight stuff under control, maybe ED will still be lurking around the corner, maybe I’ll still feel unattractive, maybe I’ll still be single, maybe I’ll still devote my energy to managing my weight instead of finding and pursuing my purpose, maybe it will be just okay.

And today/in my current life, the belief that I need to lose weight is dangerous. It keeps me on the edge of relapse, wanting to restrict, saying that it’s okay to skip a meal here or there and eat frozen yogurt instead (and then questioning how it’s ever possible to allow myself to have it on top of dinner?), adding extra training into an already solid training plan, working out through injuries, not giving my body the fuel it needs, leaves me feeling unattractive, sets me to self sabotage when I do eat something I think is “bad” or won’t help me “lose weight”, saying no to invites and thus missing out on experiences etc. etc. etc.

In short, it leaves me living a half assed life.

Conversely, how awesome might my life look if I decide that I am perfect the way I am and start really walking the walk (not just talking the talk). In five years, I might be a dietician with a successful practice working with athletes who struggle with their own body image, I might have written a book about all of this, I might be a regular contributor to magazines out my whazoo, I might be qualifying for Kona, I might have a boyfriend, I might love my body and think of myself as beautiful, I might be the person I want to be! …yeah, I dream big. Change those “mights” to I will, and I think I have a plan.

And in the short term, it’s not might. It’s will. I’m changing the belief. So tonight instead of believing that I need to go to yoga because it’s exercise and I should exercise more because I need to change my body, I am going to believe that I need to listen to my body, recognize that I’ve already worked out a lot today, and save the yoga for when I’m fresh. I’m going to take the time to write this blog post and then I’m going to meet up with friends and eat fro yo even though I had dinner. I’m going to wear my clothes that fit right now and make myself look good in them instead of wearing gym clothes and telling myself I’ll wear my “real clothes” when my smaller stuff fits. I am giving myself permission to be happy regardless of my weight and am going to really take to heart that advice that I like to give: if you are healthy in your actions, your weight will end up where it needs to be.

Basically, what if I change my belief so that I truly believe that I am exactly the weight I need to be? Instead of whining about feeling like I “deserve” to look fitter or to be smaller, what if I accept that this is what my body wants to weigh and give myself credit for running, swimming, biking, and doing yoga like a boss (shout out to Kate on that one). And if I treat myself differently for it — allow myself the rest/recovery I need, give myself healthy meals, have room for frozen yogurt and treats, and exude happy cuz that’s what I am — isn’t that kind of more important than being a size 4? If I go out with friends, sleep in, go on road trips, and smile the whole time — isn’t that kind of the point of life? What if I already deserve all that?

I’ve read a lot about how letting go of your need to lose weight will set you free and you will find your happy weight. I really thought I was doing it, but I kind of had the realization that I was just faking it. Maybe half-assing it. And I don’t believe in that! Already I’ve noticed the ways that this belief plays out in my life: telling me that I should go to yoga and that I should just meet my friends at the yogurt place but not have any. And that’s huge–consciousness has to come first! And I’m ready to take action, because to be honest, this belief hasn’t gotten me anywhere in the past except frustrated and unhappy regardless of what the scale says. That’s the kicker. When your whole belief system says you need to be lighter or that you are somehow wrong, how could you ever be happy, regardless of how small or big your butt is? When you shift that belief and really believe that your body is perfectly perfect the way it is, I am guessing you find that blissful happiness and confidence that has been so elusive for so long.

And I’m rambling. But I’m letting it all out because I’m dedicating myself to actually changing this belief. It’s not really easy to change something that I’ve believed for as long as I can remember (recall diaries from when I was 9 talking about how I was going to lose weight), but I kind of feel like I’ve stumbled onto a huge realization here that’s going to just catapult me into awesomeness.

But NEWS FLASH: we are meant to be awesome, happy, and to love ourselves! I’m done holding myself back and keeping myself miserable. It’s time to get happier.

It all reminds me of, Life Doesn’t Begin 5 Pounds From Now, a book I read a long time ago that I think might need to come off my bookshelf now. And of a whole bunch of quotes about seizing the day, living your life, and all that good cheesy stuff.

Here goes…

And sigh*

What kinds of beliefs do you have about yourself that might be limiting?
Did you follow this post at all or was it too much word vomit?

Things to do when you can’t sleep

Posted on April 10, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

It’s the most wonderful time of the year…NOT. I am stressed. I know this for many reasons including the fact that I can’t sleep. For someone used to going to bed at 10:30 and waking up at 5:30, being awake at 2:30 (I tweeted to mark the time) is not ideal. I tossed and turned for a while and finally got hungry enough to just get up. I admittedly had a real coffee later than normal yesterday, but I think my mind racing had more to do with not being able to sleep. Eventually, I unset my alarm and got up, snacked, and worked on my take home exam/essay some more. Things to do besides worry about not being able to sleep:

read blogs
write in your journal
embrace the opportunity to have a true “midnight snack”
research wild trips you’ll likely never be able to go on—or find one you actually want to try! (I am particularly drawn to the semester long treks through NOLS)
finish the draft of an essay you’re worried about
read a book
paint your nails
clean

Those come from experience. Enjoy.

My midnight snack of choice was a boring bowl of greek yogurt that got more exciting when I added a spoonful of peanut butter. I think there’s a saying that a spoonful of peanut butter makes life complete? I almost repeated my morning snack, which was similar—greek yogurt with honey, cocoa, and a few Mini Eggs. I think my thoughts just caught up with me at night because I was going all day and didn’t have time for them to sink in or swirl around my head. After my morning post yesterday, I ended up spinning at the gym before heading to The Gazette. I ran into Nina and ended up eating lunch (turkey sandwich with leftover kale chips). I love seeing her, but realizing we are almost done this semester and that she might not be here next year makes me uber sad and reminds me of all the other good friends who are going to be friends from remote locations after this year ! I worked for a bit but I started to get really anxious about my assignments so I went to the library. I saw Ellen, who has a knack for making me happier, and sat in the less stressful cafe part of the library where eating my afternoon granola bar wouldn’t piss everyone off and where my stress levels wouldn’t increase by association. Afterwards, I went for a swim! Luckily I had company, otherwise I’d probably have bailed. I did a short set with more kicking than was originally planned to save my shoulder a bit of stress. It really didn’t hurt much, just felt tight, so I don’t know what to do. I have a massage (for my hip, mostly) on Thursday, but I think I’ll see if getting her to loosen up my oh so stressed back/neck/shoulders helps things out. I also have physio on Friday so I can bring it up there too! After the swim, I had dinner with Nina (spinach salad with leftover sweet potatoes, salmon, cranberries, and pecans) and after arming myself with Mini Eggs, we met Angela for a night of studying at Starbucks. Studying with friends makes me more likely to smile and not to go into tunnel vision about “never finishing this essay” or about “having nothing to do in the summer”—common worries for me during the final stretch here! So, even though it’s kind of a stressful time, I’m trying really hard to spend as much time with people as I can and to enjoy the last bit of time here! I had a few “OMG I AM SO GLAD I’M COMING BACK NEXT YEAR” moments yesterday. Not only does taking time to see people and to just slow down keep me sane and make me happy, it also is important since the semester is coming to an end and I’m realizing how much I’m going to miss these folks. And, tear. This morning I woke up a little full from last night’s middle of the night snack, sad that I missed swim, but ready to get on with my day. I started things off with a few of my favourite things: cereal, coffee, and blogging. It’s on to working on my exam, trying to make it to campus, spinning, and teaching bootcamp. Busy is better than bored! Do you get stressed when things end/change? What do you do if you can’t sleep? What kind of trip would you go on if you had unlimited money and resources?

Excuses vs. reasons

Posted on April 5, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Yesterday was:

a) delicious

b) my last real day of classes (since most of my lectures are on Fridays/online and this week is a holiday)

c) a reality check

d) not my smiliest day — contrary to what my photos from last night’s Campus Recreation year end banquet might suggest (being with friends sure helps to cheer me up!)

Today I’m planning on:

a) smiling more

b) being ridiculously productive

c) going for a short run

and

d) sharing my insight with you…

Yesterday afternoon, I just wanted to lay in bed. I had a to do list filled with school assignments and random errands just beckoning for me. Think a hamper full of dirty clothes, a sink full of dishes, an overflowing recycle bin ready to be sorted/taken out, cheques to be cashed, groceries to be bought, etc. etc. etc. I also had ZERO energy, a sore shoulder (and the accompanying anxiety), a little bit of a cold, and a whole lot of apprehension about the fact that this year is ending. That translated into me spending most of the day on my couch wrestling with the itty bitty shitty committee that sometimes tries to take up post in my head.

Yesterday, I was back on the beating myself up for being “out of shape” or “lazy” train. I was off track with my workouts on my training plan this week because of the shoulder/skipping swim/being allowed to run this week. Even though I swam in the morning, I felt like I should have been going for a run in the afternoon. My tight hamstrings and tired mind told me otherwise. It all spiralled downward and soon I was beating myself up over the mini eggs I’d eaten earlier in the week. Who does this sound like? Certainly not like the healthy, happy me I know I’ve become.

After reminding myself that you don’t get fat from taking a day off or from eating dessert and that fat isn’t the issue—because for me it’s rarely about the food or the workouts—I knew that I needed to just take care of me. So I gave in to the need to do nothing “productive” for the afternoon and decided to fake it til I make it, something that was huge in my E D recovery. Sometimes the tools I used come back when I get into a funk, and they worked then and will work now. I’m grateful for my friends and my sister’s help yesterday to start smiling again, and I am glad I went to the banquet last night. I still felt off, probably ate a bit more than I might have if I wasn’t stressed, but I took care of myself and when I got home (early) I tried to chill out and re-centre. There might have been that voice telling me that I shouldn’t have had dessert, but saying it and writing it down makes it easier to recognize that voice as stupid and to say back that dessert is okay. I’m doing a good job. I’m not lazy, I’m not fat, I’m not a pig, I’m not any of those things. Then I can take my energy and put it towards the things I want to do (see my friends and family this weekend, train, clean my apartment, finish my homework) and even the things I don’t want to do (laundry).

It’s all about perspective. Those “excuses” — things being sore, feeling sick, being tired, wanting to go to the banquet — are valid reasons to bypass a run.

And, what better way to wrap things up than with a little cheese?

Do you ever get down on yourself? How do you pull yourself out of a funk?

Sunny Sunday

Posted on March 18, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Today was blissful!

Recipe for a perfect Sunday:

get some work done, but not all of it, so you can realize that life still goes on even when you have assignments due in a few days (they’ll get done!)
go for a bike ride, preferably with company, and if you can see a flock of wild turkeys (and scare them into flying away), you’re set

make something tasty for lunch, snacks, etc.

continue easing back into running (15 minutes on the treadmill followed by strength/stretching this afternoon)
try a new recipe, preferably simple

avocados filled with black beans and salsa with a pinch of salt

delicious as part of the healthiest taco salad i've ever eaten

hang out with a bunch of people who make you as happy as a clam
decide that blogging, journaling, foam rolling, and going to bed early are more important than half assing a reading you could do
have an epiphany and listen to this song

How was your weekend?
What’s your favourite 3 ingredient recipe?
What’s the coolest animal you’ve seen on a bike ride?

First things first…

Posted on February 22, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

New.

Fresh.

Full of potential.

SO excited.

Those are the words I’ll use to describe how I feel about this new blog.

If you’ve just found me, GREAT! Read more about me and stay tuned for regular updates on all things sweaty, delicious, and awesome about my life!

PS, this is me, and I want a few of these chairs in my future home:

If you’ve followed me from my old blog, I am so glad you did! As much as I loveeeeee blogging over there, and as awesome as eatplayluvblog was, I’m ready for a change. A new chapter. A fresh start. If you’ve been with me for a while, you probably have noticed how much things have changed for me. My last blog was about making mistakes, learning, and getting through my issues. Know what this blog’s gonna be about? Making mistakes learning, and getting through my issues.

Why the change, then?

My life is so different from last summer when I started that blog. I can’t believe how much has changed, and I know it’s for the better. It wasn’t always pretty, but that’s how you make a beautiful person! The last month has left me feeling “weird” and the only other way I can describe “weird” is “awesome” or maybe “amazing”. A year ago, I think I cried every day. I am not exaggerating, looking for pity, or trying to make this dramatic: I’m being honest. This year, I have my days, but they’re far and few between. The vast majority of my days are filled with happy! That’s huge–and that’s why I knew it was time for the switch.

Are you an old follower or a new friend?
What do you think of my new home?

Happy is the new healthy

Tag Archives: happy