Sunday start

Posted on July 8, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Happy Sunday!

I am up pretty early considering there were in fact patio beers last night and my friend and I had a good old fashioned sleepover complete with snacks (pretzels for me!) and a movie. We watched “Stick It” to the wee hours of the morning but somehow I sprung out of bed today.

do you love stick it? or do you love stick it?

Realization: I eat really weird things. Bananas at dinner time, alfalfa sprouts at breakfast. Whatever–it makes me happy!

Anyways, after pouring my heart out yesterday, you’d think I’d be out of stuff to say, huh? Nah. If you missed my post yesterday, I seriously want you to do the homework I suggested. And yes, I just plugged my own blog. Whatever. Read it and then rag on me for promoting it, but only after you do the work !

Today is looking like a good day. I’m meeting up with some friends for a bike ride later this afternoon here in London. I often drive home to go for bike rides, but I am sick of driving and with my 10 hour car ride Wednesday morning, I think sticking around for a day is a good idea. And biking with people here and getting used to living in London is a good thing since I’m thinking I’m going to be here for at least a bit

Speaking of my trip, I’m trying to get my life organized and planned out a bit before I head. I said it before and I’ll say it again, I”m excited for my trip but at the same time there is so much awesome happening at home right now that it’s bittersweet to leave! 10 days is a long time, but I’m going to have a great time biking up and down the hills (mountains?) in Virginia, reading my butt off, hopefully sleeping, doing some solo yoga, and sleeping. Big goals, huh? We are staying at a resort so I believe there’s hiking, tennis, and that sort of thing — I’m sure it’s going to be a blast. I have heard the wireless is a bit spotty, so I think I’m going to need a US data plan to stay connected. We’ll see…sometimes the thought of just getting away and not being constantly linked in is a breath of fresh air, no?

Speaking of that, I feel like the last week or two has just been all about fresh air, so to speak. I’m not sure if it’s because summer school is done, because something in me has shifted, or because of all the fun times I’ve been having outside being active, seeing people, etc., but I feel better than I have in a long time. I still can’t give a definitive answer about what I’m doing in the fall, but I know it’s going to be good and right and perfect. There really aren’t mistakes and the nice thing is if I don’t like where I am, I know I can change it. I know I could be at Columbia. I know I could be living anywhere and doing any job. But just because I could doesn’t mean I have to or that I should! It’s empowering to choose to be open to new things, to leave that space for those new things, and to risk being in limbo for a bit instead of just jumping into the next thing. Yes, life is short, but it’s not that short! My anxiety level is going down about all of this and I’m thinking my trip away will help me sort out some of this thinking…amen to that!

Of course I have applicable cheese:

Andddd break!

Have an awesome Sunday.

Compare and despair

Posted on June 22, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Well, so much for studying this morning. I am considering going back to school in the fall just so that I can have homework to avoid because it seems to generate the most “I need to say this” blog posts. I’m just kidding…

I don’t know where to start with this post, so I think I’m just going to dive right in.

How much time do you spend comparing yourself to other people? Whether it’s in school, in your training/races, versus complete strangers’ appearance, to celebrities, to your siblings…comparison is an easy trap to fall into. I know I’ve struggled with it in a few ways:

Seeing other students getting better marks than I do.
Seeing classmates with seriously awesome volunteer profiles and wondering how I’ll ever stack up to them.
Wishing I had another girl’s body or hair or wardrobe.
Comparing my pace times on DailyMile to my friends and wondering why I am not as quick or as strong as them or why my mileage isn’t up to par.
etc. etc.

Can you relate? The other day one of my friends sent me a message (and I think since it’s an anonymous thing it’s okay to share this here) expressing some concern over not being in good enough shape for a specific race. To see someone else saying the exact same thing I said to myself earlier this year–because though I was injured and came back conservatively, I didn’t race early in the season largely because I didn’t want to show up and be slower than I thought was “good enough”–put things into perspective.

Nobody gives a shit about how fast I am. They might be impressed if I do a great job. But if I don’t beat last year’s time, do they care? Do they even know? Hells no.

A quote comes to mind:

“We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.“

So in response to my friend’s message, I told her a couple things and I think I need to elaborate on them and remind myself of them in the process:

You are fit enough! … Why do we worry so much when we should just trust our training? What is “enough?” I’m pretty sure if you’re not crawling across the finish line, that’s a win.
No one is going to look at your time! … If anyone did look at someone else’s time, it’s because they’re impressed or insecure. And that’s their shit, not ours!
People won’t notice if you’re slow, but they’ll notice if you’re not there! … Missing out on being part of something for fear of being judged seems pretty shitty when you step back and look at it. Go with a smile on your face and I bet you people will remember that–not your pace time!

You’re exactly where YOU need to be! … So someone is faster than us. Big deal. They might have more time to train. They might be a born runner, swimmer, cyclist, whatever. They might be neglecting other aspects of their life right now, they might be unhappy, they might be perfectly awesome and wonderful. We don’t know. I think when we get down on ourselves in one area of our lives, we need to step back and see if it’s really about that. Do I care that I’m slow? Maybe. The bigger issue isn’t that I’m slow, it’s that I care and that I have that judgemental thought about myself. Where’s that insecurity coming from? How can I reassure myself that I’m already awesome and exactly in the right place for me? Take a bigger lesson and making a bigger gain from this!

News flash: someone will always be faster, prettier, skinnier, more muscular, fitter, taller, happier, richer, more whatever than you. That doesn’t mean you’re not awesome. But if you get hung up on the fact that you’re not more _____, you fail to appreciate all that you are. You miss out on feeling good about yourself for all the good things that you already are and you sell yourself short of the awesome life that you are entitled to. When you decide to stop comparing, you just become the best you can be. It might be cheesy, but there is a reason cheesy advice comes around again and again: be the best you can be. Don’t focus on all those things that you’re not when you could be focusing on all the amazing things that you are!

All of this being said, I don’t think it’s reasonable to eliminate comparison. I also don’t think it’s necessary. In my opinion, comparison is a bit like jealousy. Though it can manifest negatively and hold us back, comparison can serve as a source of motivation to better ourselves. When we see people who have achieved what we want, we can envy them. That’s fine and dandy–it tells us that we want some of what they have and turn it into a positive emotion, we’re golden. If we let it breed our insecurity, we’re in a bad place. Ditto for comparison. When we realize that we are below where someone else is, we can look at that person with the bad jealousy (i.e. why can’t I run as far or as fast as her? why don’t my abs look like that?) or we can use that person as a source of motivation and inspiration. And I’m all for that.

“Compare and despair. Admire and aspire.”

The shift takes realizing that there is plenty of good to go around. Just because someone is doing something amazing doesn’t mean that you can’t do it too. If you’re confident, secure, and awesome, you want to help others be awesome too. If you’re insecure, selfish, and at the top, you might try to be better than everyone else. I’d argue that people who are really amazing individuals help others get to their level because they know that other people doing well doesn’t come at the expense of their own achievements.

Think about it this way: if you run a race in a certain time and that’s an accomplishment for you, does some girl running it in your time less a minute make your accomplishment less rewarding? Maybe, if you’re insecure. Would that “competition” drive you to negativity towards her? Towards yourself? If we could all find a way to be proud of ourselves regardless of others, we’d be all around nicer and happier people. We wouldn’t miss out on things–races, life experiences, whatever–simply because we don’t think we’re good enough. If you only compare to yourself, then your best is good enough. And that’s the big realization: you are enough, exactly as you are. Wherever you’re at, regardless of where you want to be, give yourself some credit!

In summary, it’s kind of easy. You have to decide for yourself whether you want to protect your ego or live your life. Think about the things you could miss out on if you let comparison scare you from experiencing them for fear of not measuring up. Is it worth not doing something because you’re not going to the best out there? I’d say do it. Nobody cares except you. So start caring about what matters, which is not what others think about you (they’re probably not even thinking about you, remember)–it’s about how you think of yourself. So whatever it is, I’d say do it and do your best and be proud of that. Use any comparison that still comes up as motivation, inspiration, and a positive source of energy in your life.

Do you struggle with comparison?

PS – To my friend who sent the message: THANK YOU. You inspire me, amaze me, and help me figure so much out. I am so grateful to have a likeminded person around to bounce ideas off of and to help me get real with myself! Love. Love. And more love. <3

What’s the point?

Posted on May 15, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about Andrea Owen’s little tidbit of advice and kind of applying the idea that “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no” to how I’m living. There are a lot of things that are a hell no that I’ve been doing that I’ve either stopped or am actively trying to stop and this post is going to be dedicated to pointing some of those out. I just feel the need to share and whether you’re recovering or just maybe trying to be happier or to figure out how to live on purpose, I hope this gets you thinking. Maybe you could write out your own list–in a journal, on a blog, etc.–to do a little reality check?

…

What’s the point in:

Doing races you’re not even looking forward to? — There are pros who have to do races. I’m not one of them. I’m not feeling like doing Woodstock this month, so I am not. Easy as that. There will always be another race that you actually want to do.
Complaining? – Must remind myself of this one more often. But seriously, all it does is bring your mood down, draw attention and give power to the bad, and hide the good.

Feeling slow? – Give yourself credit for doing it instead.

Comparing yourself to others? – You either get a big head if you feel “better” than someone or you feel bad about yourself if you’re not up to snuff. Recognize that you are awesome but that other people are allowed to be just as awesome as you are. There is plenty of room at the top (whether this is about a job, your training, your body, whatever–we all deserve to be our best!).
Pretending you’re okay when you really need help? – If you’re struggling, admitting it is scary. I get that. But acting like you’re okay doesn’t give you the credit you deserve (cuz everyone deserves the help they need and to be happy and living fully) and it really doesn’t serve anyone else. I see this with blogs where I just think people are putting on a show. What’s the point? Maybe because I’m willing to admit so much and the outpouring of support is huge, I think honesty is the best policy.

Stressing about things you can’t control? – My friend has a good way of summing things up worth worrying about and those worth not. She does a better job than I do, but basically there are always going to be things way outside of your control, things mostly outside of your control, and then things totally in your control. Worrying about anything but the ones you can control is a waste of your energy and really doesn’t serve you any purpose. Simple. She’s a genius! And I suggest putting that mental energy towards imagining/dreaming/planning positive things instead and seeing what happens.

Trudging through a run, slogging through a ride, dragging yourself to the gym? – I see the merit in doing the 10 minutes of the workout to see if you want to quit and giving yourself permission to stop after that if you don’t want it, but I also see a lot of value in just taking a freaking rest day. If your workouts are not exciting you, go do something that does. Instead of “working out”, find a way to move that doesn’t feel like work. That’s what being active is about, NOT forcing yourself through something!
Being in the best shape of your life if you can’t enjoy it? – Sure, you have a six pack. But can you go to the beach and eat ice cream in your bikini and show it off if you are scared of missing out on a workout or on eating too much sugar/fat/whatever? I’d rather have my body looking just like it should and be able to do whatever the heck my little heart desires. It’s cryptic, but you could be in the best shape of your life and get hit by a bus. No one will care what you looked like–or at least the people who matter won’t care. They’ll care about the memories you make with them and that matters on your attitude, your outlook on life, your personality, and all the good things–not on the size on the tag of your jeans or the number on the scale!

Going out to a restaurant if you’re just going to order something you would eat at home? – This means you should eat outside of the box (try something new, order something you don’t know how to cook for yourself, etc.) but I also mean what’s the point in going to a restaurant and ordering something not on the menu or changing things up so that you’re eating the same damn thing you eat day after day? This coming from the girl who had a knack for ordering a salad with chicken on it at every restaurant (if I couldn’t just get this order plain and simple I’d get it as a sandwich, ditch the bread, etc. or I’d order a double dose of veggies, hold the starch just to please ED)…branch out! Live a little! I know it might sound like I’m making something huge and scary seem trivial, but seriously. Order off the menu. See what happens. It’s gonna be delicious, and you can do it!
Eating an apple when you want chocolate (or tea if you want coffee, crackers if you want chips, or yogurt if you want ice cream, or whatever)? – I really don’t buy the “health-ify” idea. You have a craving? Eat a reasonable portion. Stop. Maybe you were emotionally eating, but if it’s one or two servings worth of a food, you’re not doing any damage. Don’t binge. After you eat what you want, you’re either going to have satisfied a craving or you’re going to be left with the same emotions you were trying to ignore. Go ahead and feel them. It’ll get easier, and you’ll stop feeding your emotional cravings more and more as you do this and then you’ll be more able to decipher between what you legitimately crave as food and what you crave emotionally, etc. Trust!
Letting other people’s bad moods/negativity rub off on you? – I am all for helping people who are struggling, but there is a difference between helping and letting yourself get drawn in. Surround yourself with other people who are on a good wavelength. Lead by example.

Only doing things you know will work out? – Whether it’s trying a new sport, hobby, program in school, or whatever. If you knew that it was meant to be, what would be the fun in it? Being afraid to fail is fine, but letting that fear stop you from testing things out means you’re going to miss out. When “mistakes” become lessons and when you’re willing to take chances, life expands!

Holding yourself back (from your dreams, from going after the boy you like, from whatever)? – Seriously. Scenarios: Try/fail = don’t get it. Don’t try = don’t get it. Try/succeed = get it. There’s really only one answer.

Keeping clothes that don’t fit in your closet? – This does nothing for you. Buy and wear clothes that make you feel good. See my post about this yesterday if you wanna know where I’m coming from here!

Being obsessed with your body/size/weight? – What if it was like your height and you just accepted it? How would things change? Where would all your energy go instead? Cuz your body doesn’t want to be skinnier or fatter than it should be. It is perfect, you just have to trust it to do it’s thing. Thinking you’re fat = thinking you need to fix something = excuse to not live. Lame. Stop settling.

Being anything but optimistic? – Yes, I know, get realistic. Bad things are going to happen. But instead of worrying about those bad things, why not focus on all the good things? I can guarantee there is someone dealing with something worse and I think there’s probably something good in every day that you can find!

Being anything but happy? – Life is short. I’ve spent plenty of mine being miserable on my own accord. That’s been good because it’s taught me that being happy is a conscious decision–and one that I intend to continue making. We are allowed to have sad days, periods, etc., but at the end of the road, we are all meant to be happy!