It’s about time

Posted on August 27, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

This post has been coming together in my mind, on napkins and scrap paper, in journals, and all over the place for a while.

It’s about time I put it all together and just got real about what’s up with me…

I think the life coaches and inspirational junkies of the world might be out to inspire me:

Monday’s quote from Andrea Owen, in my inbox:

Last week’s behappy.me daily quote, also in my inbox:

So I’m going to do it….

So after a whole lot of thinking, blogging, journalling, talking, reflecting, etc. etc. I can say I’ve had a hella summer. It was filled with awesome things–travelling, meeting all kinds of people, making mistakes and learning lessons, having more fun than ever–and it brought me a lot of insight.

This week is the start of that Life By Design Challenge I mentioned earlier in the month. If you’re not familiar with Life By Design yet, puh-leeeeeeze check it out:

Read about the training and the eating.
Listen to the podcast.
Get in on some tweets.
Get in on one of the the pioneer’s thoughts.

I’m telling you — whether it found me or I found it, I think there’s a match made in heaven here. This is my interpretation and what I’ve taken from being exposed to all of this –> Living by design means realizing that we’re MEANT to be strong, fit, healthy, beautiful, powerful, successful, _____________ [insert great adjective here] and then going after it. It’s about living on as awesome a level as you can and being awake and conscious of your life–not just settling for being okay or going through the motions but actually taking responsibility and stepping up!

I think it’s safe to say I’m pretty hooked. I am drawn to these people–and not just because they’re jacked and fun to be around (this stuff works!). There’s something about the energy and the fact that they’re doing something on purpose that’s really refreshing–cuz it’s rare (but it shouldn’t be this way–how great would it be if we all woke up and actually lived?!) and cuz it’s inspiring! Safe to say I feel lucky to have met Dr. K at Starbucks one day and had an impromptu coaching session when I timidly talked about not being sure about becoming a dietitian and mentioned that I have a blog (without any confidence or feelings of deserving–in short, with much lower self esteem than I have now!).

So at the same time that I am really energized, motivated, and excited about all of the changes I’ve made, I feel like there’s a part of me that’s been holding back. Yes, I’ve made serious changes. But I’m frustrated and I feel stuck–and I know it’s up to me to change it!

As far as I’ve come, I still don’t feel like I’ve got it together. And that’s fine and dandy–you have to be okay with where you are to get anywhere better–but I’m not going to hide it: I want to be stronger. I’m sick of feeling soft and pudgy. I’m done pretending that I’m really fit when I realize I’m neglecting a whole lot of what it takes to train properly. That being said, I’m already working on these things, but I haven’t really announced it: I’m eating by design, I’m giving up my old approach to working out and training, I’m getting my power turned on with regular chiro visits, and I’m waking up for all of this. In short, I’m working on living by design.

Starting point:

It is what it is. I weigh 142lbs. I don’t lift weights very much, but I do a lot of body weight stuff. I don’t do 2 hours of cardio like I used to, but I still fall back on cardio workouts and sometimes think I need to do one every day. I like yoga and I do more of it. I play sports every once in a while. I read books, I spend time with friends, and I think I’m pretty conscious of what’s going on in my life. I’m actively working on my values, I’m defining my mission, I’m setting goals. I eat a lot of real food but I also have a lot to learn. I drink a lot of beer, eat a lot of froyo, and I sometimes let my emotions drive my food choices. I look like this:

Again, it is what it is.

So what’s it all mean?

I just made this kind of a bigger deal since I want to get even more conscious about what I’m doing. My posts are going to be more forwardly talking about applying the stuff I’m sure you read about — eating, moving, thinking, brain body connection, by design:

Health –> Not waiting for something to be wrong to care. Keeping a clear connection. Sleeping.
Eat –> Eating more real foods that are by design. My new idea is “nonfiction” food — real stuff that I can actually say where it came from. Sure “by design” foods from WalMart are better than BigMacs, but I have the resources and time and motivation to seek out stuff from real farms and producers that aren’t so far removed that I lose sight of where my food/nourishment is coming from. Recognizing that froyo and treats are fine–but they’re not “food” or fuel.
Move –> Working on that broad definition of fitness. My decision to get crossfit certified + being willing to make a little bit of an ass of myself learning the stuff that I don’t know (mainly: olympic lifts) and to play around with things (finding a balance between the cardio I love and the training I need to be strong and fit and all those good things) = next steps.
Think –> Focusing on the good stuff. The motto is “Focus on what’s strong, not on what’s wrong.” Working on my values, my purpose, and then acting on it. Reading more things that lift me up and less that just fill my world with fluff. Spending more time doing the things I like to do with the people who lift me higher.
Other –> Using my energy for the things that matter. Freelancing, teaching fitness, and blogging = doing more of what I love. Not signing up for a course this fall just because. Applying the if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no theory. Living out loud. Simplifying. Moving. Learning how to budget. Spending more time outside. Trusting the process.

NOW I feel ready for that 30 day challenge. Might as well start early, might as well go big, and might as well blog the heck out of it. There’s inspiration in seeing someone else’s trials, successes, progress and all that jazz and that’s what I want to do with this and that’s why I’m giving you this novel of a backgrounder. Accountability, motivation, something to reflect back on–those rock too!

Feeling good, on purpose

Posted on July 23, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

HAPPY MONDAY! That’s an extra happy Monday, which tends to follow awesome weekends.

Golfing yesterday was the perfect way to spend the afternoon. It was sunny but no too hot, the company was good, and we won’t talk about the score.

Amanda, Justin and some sweaty crazy girl.

Sweetest rental clubs EVER.

After golf, I had the quickest/easiest dinner ever because I wanted to go to yoga. The morning class reignited my love for getting my zen on and I was just itching to get back to Yoga Shack, so I figured that anything I was going to do last night could wait until today in favour of going to Dave’s power flow class.

Turkey jerky, apple, and cheese = quick, easy dinner. MIA: vegetables

When I got home from the class, which was awesome and of course involved my favourite song in savasana (it must have been meant to be–seriously!), I mostly read blogs and my Oprah magazine (which went all the way to and from Virginia unopened) and ate bon bons.

Oprah has a knack for inspiring me, as cheesy as that might be. This issue was filled with quizzes, which I used to prompt some good old journalling. I had been thinking a lot lately about defining my purpose. No big deal, right? Alysha mentioned hers to me on Saturday post-race because she’s been working hard at her life coaching certification and I was so impressed with the confidence that she had. I read some posts about purpose and talked to some pretty inspiring people and realized that I’m lacking that direction and could probably stand to at least attempt at defining what I want. So what came to me yesterday after writing out some of the answers to the quiz in the magazine about what is “fun” for you flowed pretty easily onto my journal page (I’m not good at talking things out but when I get to writing, stuff just flows) and was something like:

I am here to serve as a real life example of living healthy and to use my own personal experience to launch a career and a life of inspiring, enabling, and coaching others to find their own best possible definition of health.

There are two things I have to explain in there:

“real life example” — I have room for real life things like days away from training, like meals that aren’t perfect, like hitting bumps in the road and dealing with them as they come. Sometimes coaches and teachers seem like they’re living in an alternate reality where bad things don’t happen and where everything is easy and then it’s hard to relate to them. Lucky for me, I live in the real world and I like challenges.
“living healthy” — Notice that “living” comes before “healthy” since to me, the only way to be healthy is to live. The only reason to be healthy is to live. Sure, if you don’t have your health, you don’t have much. But if you don’t want to live a little while you’re here, why bother being healthy? So you can get to your grave in one happy piece at 15% body fat with a six pack? OK, have fun with that. I’m going to be going on some adventures while you work on your biceps. Keep flexing at yourself in the mirror while I go out and get some real life fulfillment.

More thoughts:

My talent for writing is something that I’m working on turning into a skill and using it to communicate all of these things–the principles of healthy living, the lessons I’ve learned, the people who I’ve encountered and their own messages–that’s where I find myself getting into a “zone”. Blogging might be a hobby, but there’s a reason why I keep doing it.
Teaching fitness is a nice part time job, but it has never felt like work. Interacting with people is what gives me the sense of connectedness on a daily basis–either personally or as an instructor/trainer. I see myself coaching in some capacity–whether it’s fitness, racing, yoga, nutrition, wellness, life–and being a leader, teacher, etc.
I want to work on my public speaking ability because being able to talk about my own experiences is something I hope to do. Having struggled through an eating disorder, I can pinpoint a bunch of people whose speeches have empowered me and inspired me to take another step forward. Jenni Schaefer talked about the step from “in recovery” to “recovered” and my life coach, Jennifer Schramm, talked about her four step recovery and how she got to awesome. Both of these women seriously changed my life in a one hour span–and that’s powerful!
Your dream career doesn’t have to exist, you just have to be willing to create it. There’s not really a secure job in this world–you might as well be insecure in a job that you absolutely spring out of bed to do. I have a feeling that if your career serves your highest, it really won’t feel like work. My plan is to work towards this unconventional idea for a while and if I am miserable and bankrupt and in trouble in five years, THEN I’ll settle. Teacher’s college has been appealing to me because it’s something to do and it’s something secure-ish. But it isn’t calling my heart out and I haven’t applied in the last two years even though I could have, so I don’t think I should go now. Doing a masters in kin is somewhat appealing, but ditto. If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no. If I can turn down Columbia, my dream school, for Journalism because I trust myself and my intuition enough to know that a master’s in journalism isn’t necessary for the 75000 price tag and all that jazz, I can say no to settling for conventional.

Creating your own vision for your career is just the first step. What else could you make amazing in your life? I want to go on adventures all the time — travel lots and do active things. I want to have nice things but I want to live simply. I want to use my money on things that I value — experiences and high quality things (food, stuff I need, etc.) and all that good stuff!
Nobody is going to stop you from being awesome, trust me. Most people are too busy living mediocre lives to care. If someone’s in your way, it could be jealousy, but I think what’s far more probably is that if you live on a big scale, you’ll inspire people. Once I interviewed Tina from Carrots n Cake and she said to me, “There’s plenty of room at the top.”–this really stuck with me. Someone who has made it to a high level and is living her passion essentially telling me that I’m allowed to do the same and am entitled to being just as successful? Holy canoli!
Stop asking for permission. You’re supposed to be great. Nobody really cares if you DON’T go for it — whether you’re scared or you don’t know how or you aren’t sure you’re allowed to. It’s entirely up to you to care. At the end of the day and the end of your life, it was ALL up to you!

My plan — could I be an endurance coach? a personal trainer? a wellness coach? a nutritionist? a life coach? a yoga instructor? a motivational speaker? a fitness instructor? a professional blogger? an author of books? a guest on the Today Show? A magazine columnist? All of these things? YES, YES, AND YES. Whatever floats my boat. Someone who changes the world? THAT TOO!

I think I’m done–for now! Today’s been a productive day after all and it’s only 10:30! Before this cheese-fest, I tackled that laundry head on, cooked up some food for this week, and made a list of things to get done for the week. It feels good to be organized, nice to be at home, and AMAZING to have defined all that stuff I just shared with you guys.

Kamut puffs, banana, coconut, walnuts, and soy milk for breakfast.

Obvs you needed this selfie. New shirt!

Home sweet home!

Now I’m going to use all this positive Monday energy to get to work on my freelancing assignments and fitness planning! Bootcamp and spin tonight are something to look forward to and I might make a little pit stop at the mall in between appointments today if I’m feeling it…

Do you ever just explode with inspiration?
Are you a golfer?
Do you have a dream career or are you creating your own?

Sunday start

Posted on July 8, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Happy Sunday!

I am up pretty early considering there were in fact patio beers last night and my friend and I had a good old fashioned sleepover complete with snacks (pretzels for me!) and a movie. We watched “Stick It” to the wee hours of the morning but somehow I sprung out of bed today.

do you love stick it? or do you love stick it?

Realization: I eat really weird things. Bananas at dinner time, alfalfa sprouts at breakfast. Whatever–it makes me happy!

Anyways, after pouring my heart out yesterday, you’d think I’d be out of stuff to say, huh? Nah. If you missed my post yesterday, I seriously want you to do the homework I suggested. And yes, I just plugged my own blog. Whatever. Read it and then rag on me for promoting it, but only after you do the work !

Today is looking like a good day. I’m meeting up with some friends for a bike ride later this afternoon here in London. I often drive home to go for bike rides, but I am sick of driving and with my 10 hour car ride Wednesday morning, I think sticking around for a day is a good idea. And biking with people here and getting used to living in London is a good thing since I’m thinking I’m going to be here for at least a bit

Speaking of my trip, I’m trying to get my life organized and planned out a bit before I head. I said it before and I’ll say it again, I”m excited for my trip but at the same time there is so much awesome happening at home right now that it’s bittersweet to leave! 10 days is a long time, but I’m going to have a great time biking up and down the hills (mountains?) in Virginia, reading my butt off, hopefully sleeping, doing some solo yoga, and sleeping. Big goals, huh? We are staying at a resort so I believe there’s hiking, tennis, and that sort of thing — I’m sure it’s going to be a blast. I have heard the wireless is a bit spotty, so I think I’m going to need a US data plan to stay connected. We’ll see…sometimes the thought of just getting away and not being constantly linked in is a breath of fresh air, no?

Speaking of that, I feel like the last week or two has just been all about fresh air, so to speak. I’m not sure if it’s because summer school is done, because something in me has shifted, or because of all the fun times I’ve been having outside being active, seeing people, etc., but I feel better than I have in a long time. I still can’t give a definitive answer about what I’m doing in the fall, but I know it’s going to be good and right and perfect. There really aren’t mistakes and the nice thing is if I don’t like where I am, I know I can change it. I know I could be at Columbia. I know I could be living anywhere and doing any job. But just because I could doesn’t mean I have to or that I should! It’s empowering to choose to be open to new things, to leave that space for those new things, and to risk being in limbo for a bit instead of just jumping into the next thing. Yes, life is short, but it’s not that short! My anxiety level is going down about all of this and I’m thinking my trip away will help me sort out some of this thinking…amen to that!

Of course I have applicable cheese:

Andddd break!

Have an awesome Sunday.

Life is too short to be anything but happy

Posted on June 28, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

For a while—as in since last week, when I graduated. I’ve felt so out of whack and I know I’m getting back on the right track, but what is that track?

After taking this Food Science course and diving into this Foods and Nutrition Program (my third go at it, really), I know what I don’t want–to finish it. I’ve known that for a few weeks, and I’ve been thinking about my options (but you guys know I’ve been pretty busy).

While nothing is set in stone, I think I’m starting to wrap my head around a rough idea of where I’d like to head and of the kind of future I want to create for myself.

A year ago, I was sure I was going to be in Journalism school in september. Since then, I’ve realized I want to do more than write. I love to write. I will be a writer. I will keep pitching stories, blogging, and writing my heart out. I don’t need a master’s degree to do that.

A month ago, I was pretty certain I was going to be a dietitian. I knew I wanted to help people lead healthier lifestyles and I liked the idea of helping athletes and people working through eating disorders.

Journalist.

Dietitian.

Safe.

Today, I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, but I’m forming a picture of what it’s going to look like without needing a label. No offence to anyone who has known what they’ve wanted to be since they were 5 and have come out of it with a great professional degree or something like that, but that hasn’t been working for me. I’m done sticking to the conventional just for the sake of feeling secure. At my graduation, the speaker mentioned something about how times have changed. Making money is tough. Finding “a job” is tough. He told us to take every opportunity. Things can seem overwhelming, but when you look at it as a world full of opportunities instead of feeling overwhelmed, you see that there is so much freaking potential that you can’t help but get excited.

I really never thought that I’d be so confused about what I want to do with myself. If you don’t know me or you can’t get vibes from my blog, I’m a stubborn person. I know where I’m headed, or at least I like to pretend I do. So this is a big shift for me, but it’s one that I know is going to lead me to a happier career and life at the end of it all.

I know it’s cheesy, but it’s true: “If you find a job you love, you’ll never work a day of your life.” It’s also true that by deciding that I’m going to work towards a happy holistic life instead of just securing a career, I’m just embracing all the awesome that I’m entitled to in a new way. I did it with my body–I don’t have to force myself to lose weight or to have perfect abs before I can be happy. In the same way, I don’t have to make sure the tI’ve got a set career path and plan that is stable before I can start living. Cuz FYI, life is flying by and I think the point is kind of to enjoy this whole process, right? Thanks for that realization, recovery!

So enough with the big thinking and rambling…what the heck am I going to do next?

I started to figure this out by thinking about my options and by talking it through with a lot of helpful listening ears. I started to look for examples of people living the kinds of lives–active, inspiring, engaging–that I want to and to take notes or to ask questions of what they’re doing. The truth is, they’re just following their bliss. That seems to be the key.

Right now, what’s making my heart sing most is:

teaching fitness
blogging and writing in general
rounding up cheesy quotes
yoga
reading, especially about nutrition, eating disorder recovery, and self help
working with my life coach

Things I considered for the coming year:

working as a fitness professional
going back to Western and taking some more kin courses and finishing my writing certificate
looking for a job somewhere exciting (mountains, anyone?)
applying to teacher’s college in the states or australia
applying for my masters in kin or in sports nutrition somewhere
pursuing the registered holistic nutritionist designation from the Canadian School of Natural Nutrition
going somewhere to get my 200 hour yoga teacher training
going on an NOLS trip – throwing myself into the wilderness, essentially
signing up for a program at Rhodes College, where my life coach went
taking violin lessons and getting far enough so that I can teach little kiddies how to play – I was pretty close, but my theory could use some work!

And to be totally honest, I want to do them all. Luckily I had a good reminder come my way from my mother:

(at once)

I also came to a big realization: if you’re meant to do something, YOU WILL. It doesn’t matter when. There isn’t that pressure. If you have to force yourself to do something, why are you doing it (career, but also training, etc.)? The things on that list that I really truly want to do will get done. The ones that don’t really matter won’t. It’s as simple as that.

So what’s my next step?

With a disclaimer that I am 100% allowed to change my mind, my plan is to work away at an independent study in sports sociology this fall while I do the registered holistic nutrition program (in London) on a part time basis and work as much as I can in fitness. I want to teach spin and bootcamp and I’d like to keep training with triathlon club. I’m going to think about doing an energy exchange at Yoga Shack, but if I’m too busy, I’ll keep yoga as purely something I do for the sake of doing. I’m going to see how things go and where I can work in fitness and my motto is to take opportunities that call out to me but say no to the ones that just don’t feel right (if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no). I’m going to keep blogging about all of the healthy living I do and I’m going to keep on writing (freelancing, volunteering at the Gazette, etc.). I’m hoping that when I’m done with the RHN program in two years, I can do one of the coaching programs at Rhodes. I know I want to help people and I think the programs would work together to give me the kind of training and experience I need to make positive change. I also think they’ll give me the information I want to write the kinds of articles and blogs that will do the same. I also know that it sounds a little hippie to say that I’m going to be a freelance writer, holistic nutritionist and life coach who also teaches fitness, but that’s what I’m feeling right now.

So if you were hoping I’d have a simple answer in the form of “When I grow up, I’m going to ______________,” no such luck!

I know that giving myself this end vision — I picture that life coach writer nutritionist fitness instructor, I see her as a slightly older, stronger, only more awesome version of myself — and making it as vivid as I can (she lives in a house in the mountains and has two chocolate labs and drives a nissan murano, btw) is motivating. I have a yoga instructor who often says to leave the picture in the mirror out of it and to see where you want to go and then make it happen, and I’m definitely feeling the application here.

When you can see it, you can feel it, and you can connect to it. And when I see that version of me, I feel so full of energy, happy, and all that good stuff. If you think I’m crazy, I’m telling you: you’re missing out. That’s kind of why I want to be some form of a coach–to help people connect to this feeling of being motivated and energized and pulled by the positive things in life. After recovery from my eating disorder, I know how rough things can get. This is like a second shot at life, and I feel like I need to spread the word and shout it from the rooftops even if some people look at me like I’m a new age hippie or something. I swear–I’m not high on anything (my friend summed up how people sometimes look at us pretty well)–except life itself. Yeah, I just said that!

So that was a whole lot of words and a whole lot of cheese, but it needed to be said! You better believe there’s a bucket list coming and a vision board in the works. I’ve been jotting down random things I want to do before I die on napkins and business cards and in random notes on my phone. This is all good. It keeps me thinking about the positive things that I want to do. Think big. Dream big. Be bold. All that good stuff.

For a really long time, my life was about living small and about listening to Ed. It was about food, calories, workouts, and all that stuff. Then it hit me, slowly, but hard: this is all there is. I’m going to die some day. Like that’s pretty morbid, but it’s true. There’s no point in doing something that doesn’t make me happy. There’s no point in not doing what I want to do or in at least trying to figure out what that is. This could be a post in itself, so I’m going to sum things up:

Hence this blog. Hence my whole outlook and approach to life.

Anddddd smile.

Have you ever changed your mind about school or your career?
What’s the number one thing on your bucket list?
If you’re working, are you doing the job you thought you would when you were younger?
Do you ever think of yourself in 10 years? What’s it look like?

Compare and despair

Posted on June 22, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Well, so much for studying this morning. I am considering going back to school in the fall just so that I can have homework to avoid because it seems to generate the most “I need to say this” blog posts. I’m just kidding…

I don’t know where to start with this post, so I think I’m just going to dive right in.

How much time do you spend comparing yourself to other people? Whether it’s in school, in your training/races, versus complete strangers’ appearance, to celebrities, to your siblings…comparison is an easy trap to fall into. I know I’ve struggled with it in a few ways:

Seeing other students getting better marks than I do.
Seeing classmates with seriously awesome volunteer profiles and wondering how I’ll ever stack up to them.
Wishing I had another girl’s body or hair or wardrobe.
Comparing my pace times on DailyMile to my friends and wondering why I am not as quick or as strong as them or why my mileage isn’t up to par.
etc. etc.

Can you relate? The other day one of my friends sent me a message (and I think since it’s an anonymous thing it’s okay to share this here) expressing some concern over not being in good enough shape for a specific race. To see someone else saying the exact same thing I said to myself earlier this year–because though I was injured and came back conservatively, I didn’t race early in the season largely because I didn’t want to show up and be slower than I thought was “good enough”–put things into perspective.

Nobody gives a shit about how fast I am. They might be impressed if I do a great job. But if I don’t beat last year’s time, do they care? Do they even know? Hells no.

A quote comes to mind:

“We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do.“

So in response to my friend’s message, I told her a couple things and I think I need to elaborate on them and remind myself of them in the process:

You are fit enough! … Why do we worry so much when we should just trust our training? What is “enough?” I’m pretty sure if you’re not crawling across the finish line, that’s a win.
No one is going to look at your time! … If anyone did look at someone else’s time, it’s because they’re impressed or insecure. And that’s their shit, not ours!
People won’t notice if you’re slow, but they’ll notice if you’re not there! … Missing out on being part of something for fear of being judged seems pretty shitty when you step back and look at it. Go with a smile on your face and I bet you people will remember that–not your pace time!

You’re exactly where YOU need to be! … So someone is faster than us. Big deal. They might have more time to train. They might be a born runner, swimmer, cyclist, whatever. They might be neglecting other aspects of their life right now, they might be unhappy, they might be perfectly awesome and wonderful. We don’t know. I think when we get down on ourselves in one area of our lives, we need to step back and see if it’s really about that. Do I care that I’m slow? Maybe. The bigger issue isn’t that I’m slow, it’s that I care and that I have that judgemental thought about myself. Where’s that insecurity coming from? How can I reassure myself that I’m already awesome and exactly in the right place for me? Take a bigger lesson and making a bigger gain from this!

News flash: someone will always be faster, prettier, skinnier, more muscular, fitter, taller, happier, richer, more whatever than you. That doesn’t mean you’re not awesome. But if you get hung up on the fact that you’re not more _____, you fail to appreciate all that you are. You miss out on feeling good about yourself for all the good things that you already are and you sell yourself short of the awesome life that you are entitled to. When you decide to stop comparing, you just become the best you can be. It might be cheesy, but there is a reason cheesy advice comes around again and again: be the best you can be. Don’t focus on all those things that you’re not when you could be focusing on all the amazing things that you are!

All of this being said, I don’t think it’s reasonable to eliminate comparison. I also don’t think it’s necessary. In my opinion, comparison is a bit like jealousy. Though it can manifest negatively and hold us back, comparison can serve as a source of motivation to better ourselves. When we see people who have achieved what we want, we can envy them. That’s fine and dandy–it tells us that we want some of what they have and turn it into a positive emotion, we’re golden. If we let it breed our insecurity, we’re in a bad place. Ditto for comparison. When we realize that we are below where someone else is, we can look at that person with the bad jealousy (i.e. why can’t I run as far or as fast as her? why don’t my abs look like that?) or we can use that person as a source of motivation and inspiration. And I’m all for that.

“Compare and despair. Admire and aspire.”

The shift takes realizing that there is plenty of good to go around. Just because someone is doing something amazing doesn’t mean that you can’t do it too. If you’re confident, secure, and awesome, you want to help others be awesome too. If you’re insecure, selfish, and at the top, you might try to be better than everyone else. I’d argue that people who are really amazing individuals help others get to their level because they know that other people doing well doesn’t come at the expense of their own achievements.

Think about it this way: if you run a race in a certain time and that’s an accomplishment for you, does some girl running it in your time less a minute make your accomplishment less rewarding? Maybe, if you’re insecure. Would that “competition” drive you to negativity towards her? Towards yourself? If we could all find a way to be proud of ourselves regardless of others, we’d be all around nicer and happier people. We wouldn’t miss out on things–races, life experiences, whatever–simply because we don’t think we’re good enough. If you only compare to yourself, then your best is good enough. And that’s the big realization: you are enough, exactly as you are. Wherever you’re at, regardless of where you want to be, give yourself some credit!

In summary, it’s kind of easy. You have to decide for yourself whether you want to protect your ego or live your life. Think about the things you could miss out on if you let comparison scare you from experiencing them for fear of not measuring up. Is it worth not doing something because you’re not going to the best out there? I’d say do it. Nobody cares except you. So start caring about what matters, which is not what others think about you (they’re probably not even thinking about you, remember)–it’s about how you think of yourself. So whatever it is, I’d say do it and do your best and be proud of that. Use any comparison that still comes up as motivation, inspiration, and a positive source of energy in your life.

Do you struggle with comparison?

PS – To my friend who sent the message: THANK YOU. You inspire me, amaze me, and help me figure so much out. I am so grateful to have a likeminded person around to bounce ideas off of and to help me get real with myself! Love. Love. And more love. <3

Change

Posted on May 30, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Sometimes when I am out and about and daydreaming, I write blog posts on whatever I can get my hands on. Remember my Strong is the new skinny post? I wrote it on random paper on the plane to visit my dad and saved it for a few weeks before posting it. This is just proof that my blog is really my diary and that you should feel privileged to get so into my head. Ha – ha.

Just joking, but in all seriousness, I’ve been writing a bunch of these notes to myself/future blog posts/random musings lately and thinking that they’d make decent blog posts if I could clean them up a bit and if I had a reason for writing them.

It’s funny when that reason smacks you in the face.

Like this quote of the day, which I read before I even got out of bed today.

Not a bad way to start the day, huh?

Anyways, it relates back to one of those notes I wrote where I started thinking about how much I’ve changed in the last year, two years, four years, etc. and about how I’ve really come into my own power and am starting to feel increasingly confident about who I want to be and where I want to go. It is funny that my eating disorder was the wakeup call I needed to make me realize that I’ve been holding myself back.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: eating disorders make your world small. When you let ED bring you down, you can’t fly. It’s really hard to figure out what it is that’s missing, but when you do, things start to click. Until I realized that I was convinced I deserved to be miserable/didn’t deserve to be happy, I was stuck. Sure I was “in recovery” but I wasn’t there. If I didn’t deserve all the good in the world, do you think I thought I deserved recovery?

So after telling myself over and over again (I’ve got reminders posted around my apartment, I’ve got popups on my phone, I’ve got events scheduled on my google calendar): “You deserve all the good in the world,” I am starting to actually believe it. And I’m noticing where else I might be holding myself back:

school – going back vs. not going back
career – writing, fitness
relationships – friends, family, boys
training/eating/body

It’s taken a lot of looking in and being really brutally honest with myself to see how I’m bringing myself down and then the next step of it all has been to ask why. Am I scared of making really strong friendships because I think people are going to hurt me? Am I scared of being a really successful writer because I think “how dare you?” While I do think it’s important to do all this, I’ve started to just focus on where I want to go and who I want to be instead and to move towards that, which feels really goal. When I was stuck in my delusional eating disordered ways I would set these huge goals and give myself direction, albeit misguided. For a while, I wasn’t sure if setting goals was healthy for me or not, but now I’ve realized: that same drive and determination that I used to use to fuel my ED can fuel ME on the path to being great.

The other day I was looking for something in my old workout books and I came across a dog-eared page in Jackie Warner’s book where she wrote about goals and discovering what you really want and about visualization. She said, “Voice your goals and passions with as many people as possible. The more you talk about them, the more you imprint and program them into your subconscious mind. Talking the talk will lead to walking the walk.”

So that’s what I’m doing. But what am I saying and who do I want to be?

I want to be healthy, fit, and strong. I don’t want to be skinny, I don’t want a six pack at all costs, and I don’t want to be obsessive. But I do love fitness and I am allowed to like my body when it looks fit.
I want to eat real food and I want to eat food that makes me feel good without apologies or worrying about what people will say. Like I’ve mentioned before, eating disorder recovery means opening up to fear foods, eating them and seeing that your life goes on, etc. etc. But I’m talking here about finding what makes you feel the best–and that might mean leaving out some foods not because they’re “scary” or because you think they’re going to ruin you, but because they’re not working for you and your body. What I have noticed is this: I feel best on whole, real foods. Imagine that. I feel worse when I eat certain things because I feel like I should (i.e. have a bun with your dinner because if you don’t have starch you’re going back to your ED ways. Hello, still giving power to ED.) I’m in charge of my food choices and I will never forget all the recovery lessons I’ve learned–skipping a bun or choosing not to eat certain foods doesn’t mean ED is back, it means I’m ready to eat for me again!
I want to find a career that calls to me and go after it whole heartedly. Right now, I don’t entirely know what that looks like. One thing I do know is this — fitness and health and nutrition call to me. I might be on the right track with going back to school to be a dietitian, but I might be using this as a way to further delay things because I am scared. But fear isn’t a good reason for me to do/not do certain things and I’ll just admit it: for a long time, I thought I was too fat/inexperienced/young to start my career and thinking all of those thoughts also made me see myself as someone who could never really succeed in the fitness/health industry. But you know what? I’ve been thinking more and more about those presenters, leaders, movers/shakers in the fitness world and I think I could be a force. And I don’t think I need to change at all on the outside: I think it all has to do with continuing on this track to confident Cheryl and believing in myself and visualizing myself as that woman!
I want to do something unconventional with my life. I don’t know what it’s going to look like. Motivational speaker/adventure race coach/personal trainer/author/blogger/wellness coach/sports nutritionist/writer/athlete/? This is the fun part – I’m only going to be 23 with wide open possibilities once and rather than fear the unknown, I want to take it all as an adventure – that’s why we’re here!
I want to be me. I want to wear the weird clothes that I like, not the “cool” ones that everyone else wears. I want to be loud, random, spontaneous and awesome because that’s who I am.

This change, this movement in my life feels GOOD. Even though we resist change sometimes, it’s so important to be open to it. Whereas in the past I’ve been terrified of change, this time it’s different. I chalk it up to knowing I can take it on–that confidence thing again! I also think that a big difference here is that this is coming from my core and is about who I want to be, not how I want to look or present myself to the world. If there was a lot of resistance to these changes, I wouldn’t make them because I’m learning that I am in charge and know what I need and trusting that intuition. And I think that for me to make lasting change and a real shift, it’s got to be something I want with my whole heart and feel good about making. So often we think about change as something we have to force ourselves to do or as a struggle, but that ignores the fact that we are the ones in control.

That’s a news flash: it’s not ED, the media, your parents, your friends, or anyone else that you have to answer to when things are said and done. It’s you and what you think of yourself that matters. Trust yourself, listen to your intuition, and ask yourself who you want to be? Find changes that feel good and lean into those–don’t worry about the changes that make you feel bad (chances are they’re for someone else).

I don’t know a better way to end all of this than to share some of my favourite cheese on the topic of inspiration and of course, you might as well have a little background music to reflect to.

What do you guys think about what I said about change?
How do you see your ideal self?
Do you ever write blog posts on random papers/napkins/your phone for later?

What’s the point?

Posted on May 15, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about Andrea Owen’s little tidbit of advice and kind of applying the idea that “if it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no” to how I’m living. There are a lot of things that are a hell no that I’ve been doing that I’ve either stopped or am actively trying to stop and this post is going to be dedicated to pointing some of those out. I just feel the need to share and whether you’re recovering or just maybe trying to be happier or to figure out how to live on purpose, I hope this gets you thinking. Maybe you could write out your own list–in a journal, on a blog, etc.–to do a little reality check?

…

What’s the point in:

Doing races you’re not even looking forward to? — There are pros who have to do races. I’m not one of them. I’m not feeling like doing Woodstock this month, so I am not. Easy as that. There will always be another race that you actually want to do.
Complaining? – Must remind myself of this one more often. But seriously, all it does is bring your mood down, draw attention and give power to the bad, and hide the good.

Feeling slow? – Give yourself credit for doing it instead.

Comparing yourself to others? – You either get a big head if you feel “better” than someone or you feel bad about yourself if you’re not up to snuff. Recognize that you are awesome but that other people are allowed to be just as awesome as you are. There is plenty of room at the top (whether this is about a job, your training, your body, whatever–we all deserve to be our best!).
Pretending you’re okay when you really need help? – If you’re struggling, admitting it is scary. I get that. But acting like you’re okay doesn’t give you the credit you deserve (cuz everyone deserves the help they need and to be happy and living fully) and it really doesn’t serve anyone else. I see this with blogs where I just think people are putting on a show. What’s the point? Maybe because I’m willing to admit so much and the outpouring of support is huge, I think honesty is the best policy.

Stressing about things you can’t control? – My friend has a good way of summing things up worth worrying about and those worth not. She does a better job than I do, but basically there are always going to be things way outside of your control, things mostly outside of your control, and then things totally in your control. Worrying about anything but the ones you can control is a waste of your energy and really doesn’t serve you any purpose. Simple. She’s a genius! And I suggest putting that mental energy towards imagining/dreaming/planning positive things instead and seeing what happens.

Trudging through a run, slogging through a ride, dragging yourself to the gym? – I see the merit in doing the 10 minutes of the workout to see if you want to quit and giving yourself permission to stop after that if you don’t want it, but I also see a lot of value in just taking a freaking rest day. If your workouts are not exciting you, go do something that does. Instead of “working out”, find a way to move that doesn’t feel like work. That’s what being active is about, NOT forcing yourself through something!
Being in the best shape of your life if you can’t enjoy it? – Sure, you have a six pack. But can you go to the beach and eat ice cream in your bikini and show it off if you are scared of missing out on a workout or on eating too much sugar/fat/whatever? I’d rather have my body looking just like it should and be able to do whatever the heck my little heart desires. It’s cryptic, but you could be in the best shape of your life and get hit by a bus. No one will care what you looked like–or at least the people who matter won’t care. They’ll care about the memories you make with them and that matters on your attitude, your outlook on life, your personality, and all the good things–not on the size on the tag of your jeans or the number on the scale!

Going out to a restaurant if you’re just going to order something you would eat at home? – This means you should eat outside of the box (try something new, order something you don’t know how to cook for yourself, etc.) but I also mean what’s the point in going to a restaurant and ordering something not on the menu or changing things up so that you’re eating the same damn thing you eat day after day? This coming from the girl who had a knack for ordering a salad with chicken on it at every restaurant (if I couldn’t just get this order plain and simple I’d get it as a sandwich, ditch the bread, etc. or I’d order a double dose of veggies, hold the starch just to please ED)…branch out! Live a little! I know it might sound like I’m making something huge and scary seem trivial, but seriously. Order off the menu. See what happens. It’s gonna be delicious, and you can do it!
Eating an apple when you want chocolate (or tea if you want coffee, crackers if you want chips, or yogurt if you want ice cream, or whatever)? – I really don’t buy the “health-ify” idea. You have a craving? Eat a reasonable portion. Stop. Maybe you were emotionally eating, but if it’s one or two servings worth of a food, you’re not doing any damage. Don’t binge. After you eat what you want, you’re either going to have satisfied a craving or you’re going to be left with the same emotions you were trying to ignore. Go ahead and feel them. It’ll get easier, and you’ll stop feeding your emotional cravings more and more as you do this and then you’ll be more able to decipher between what you legitimately crave as food and what you crave emotionally, etc. Trust!
Letting other people’s bad moods/negativity rub off on you? – I am all for helping people who are struggling, but there is a difference between helping and letting yourself get drawn in. Surround yourself with other people who are on a good wavelength. Lead by example.

Only doing things you know will work out? – Whether it’s trying a new sport, hobby, program in school, or whatever. If you knew that it was meant to be, what would be the fun in it? Being afraid to fail is fine, but letting that fear stop you from testing things out means you’re going to miss out. When “mistakes” become lessons and when you’re willing to take chances, life expands!

Holding yourself back (from your dreams, from going after the boy you like, from whatever)? – Seriously. Scenarios: Try/fail = don’t get it. Don’t try = don’t get it. Try/succeed = get it. There’s really only one answer.

Keeping clothes that don’t fit in your closet? – This does nothing for you. Buy and wear clothes that make you feel good. See my post about this yesterday if you wanna know where I’m coming from here!

Being obsessed with your body/size/weight? – What if it was like your height and you just accepted it? How would things change? Where would all your energy go instead? Cuz your body doesn’t want to be skinnier or fatter than it should be. It is perfect, you just have to trust it to do it’s thing. Thinking you’re fat = thinking you need to fix something = excuse to not live. Lame. Stop settling.

Being anything but optimistic? – Yes, I know, get realistic. Bad things are going to happen. But instead of worrying about those bad things, why not focus on all the good things? I can guarantee there is someone dealing with something worse and I think there’s probably something good in every day that you can find!

Being anything but happy? – Life is short. I’ve spent plenty of mine being miserable on my own accord. That’s been good because it’s taught me that being happy is a conscious decision–and one that I intend to continue making. We are allowed to have sad days, periods, etc., but at the end of the road, we are all meant to be happy!

What do you think about this stuff?
What’s your “What’s the point in…”?

Pizza, fudge, and words

Posted on May 11, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

Howdy!

After yoga–which was perfect (uber hot, but taught by a friend who is doing an awesome job instructing and who I was excited to see at the from of the class!), I was ravenous. No surprise there. Plenty of working out = big appetite.

I squashed a pizza craving with a chicken flatbread pizza and a spinach filled ceasar salad. Yum.

Multiply this fudge x3 and you’ve got dessert.

Add in a coffee date with a friend and you’ve got the rest of my night.

Since I’m so wild, I spent the rest of my night on tumblr/google image searches/pinterest…

Ta-dah!

Love!

Now that Saturday is underway it’s time for Starbucks and first aid. Eeek 8 hours sitting here we go!

How are you spending your weekend?
Do you like fudge?

TGIF on time

Posted on April 20, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

After last week’s failed Friday post that ended up being on Saturday, I’ve made sure I’ve been paying attention to things going on this week and making some bookmarks to get this Friday post fired off for you guys!

Did I mention I love Fridays? And life?

5 inspirations

4 things I am adding to my summer to do list

1. Healthy Living Summit – With Chelsea, Meg, and I hope Bee, maybe Courtney, and whoever the heck else wants to jump on this awesome train. Takers?!

2. Canyon to Coast Jasper to Banff 500 Cycle Tour - Click on the link! This is my grad gift and I am freaking excited. 106 days (but who’s counting?). The description is good — “This tour for serious cyclists features the incredible beauty and diversity of British Columbia’s interior and coast. On this 520k / 320 mile tour you will not only get to ride the entire Icefields Parkway from Jasper to Banff, but you will also get to see some of the hidden and less visited gems in the Canadian Rockies and ride all of the amazing climbs to stunning vistas. This tour is geared toward ambitious intermediate to serious road riders and features 5,300 metres or 17,500 feet of elevation gain.” but the picture of the bear is funny. So long as I’m faster than one other person on the trip, I’m going to be good.

3. Yoga Slackers Adventure Summer Camp - This one I’ve not signed up for and think I might be jam packing my August a bit too much but I want to do it so I thought I’d share! A girl can dream…of slack lining, doing yoga, and trail running like a kid for a week, can’t they?

including but not limited to: biking anywhere and everywhere in Ontario, trail running our faces off, kayaking, jumping in the river, eating copious amounts of fro yo and ice cream, hanging out on Barney's patio, doing ropes courses, going rock climbing, going to as many concerts as possible, signing up for races galore, etc. etc. etc.

3 blog posts you should read

1. Angela’s “An Injury Update & Finding the Silver Lining” : ”When things happen in our lives that take us off our planned course (and they will), it’s a great time to stop and think about what other doors have opened. It can take time to figure out, but that’s ok too. Do a bit more of what feels good to you each day, and a bit less of what doesn’t.”

I think she was speaking to me! Injury or not, it’s a good message! Look at the opportunities, not what you might have missed out on. An injury blows, yes indeedy! But my own injury taught me a lot, got me back in the pool, and I’m not going to lie and say I’m not SCARED of getting hurt again, but I do know that I am bigger than letting my ability to run or bike or do whatever determine my happiness or self worth. Yeah, it blows not being able to do what you want to do. But if I’d been down in the dumps for the last 3 months because of my hip, I think I’d have missed out on the best semester of my life. An injury doesn’t stop you from living your life or give you an excuse to be miserable—it took me a lot of tears and being miserable to realize that, but life is too freaking short! You could be in the best shape of your life and die tomorrow, and if you spent your whole life working out and controlling things in order to be that fit, what do you have to show for it?! Toned biceps in your casket? Yeah…I’m seizing the day!

2. 7 Essential Steps to Giving Up the Fight with Food and Your Body at Body Love A- The steps are awesome but so are the questions she asks of you at the beginning. And she ends things with “Your thoughts are creating your reality,” which sounds kind of familiar to a little epiphany I had this week, doesn’t it?

3. Tina’s Motivational Musing: This Is What It’s All About post – her message = “Don’t let life pass you by. Take care of your body so you can live life abundantly. View a healthy lifestyle as a blessing to help you get the most out of life, instead of an obligation or obsession that robs the life out of you.”

And that’s a good message worth checking out! Did I mention I love her blog?!

2 things that made me drool this week

1. boys

2. Leanne’s 20 Healthy Gluten-free Power Snacks post filled with tasty looking eats I really want to try! Gluten or no gluten, they look good. Yummmmm.

1 new blog I found/loved this week

1. Medical Marzipan – Learning to Love Your Body One Day At A Time - check it out. “Medicinal Marzipan is a blog about learning to love yourself a little bit more every day – to the best of your abilities and without any regrets.”

Sounds like a good goal to me!

Happy weekend!

What’d you stumble on this week worth sharing?

1, 2, 3 and ABC

Posted on March 19, 2012 by Cheryl Madliger

You’re about to learn more about me than you ever wanted to know…

Three Things I’m Looking Forward to This Week

The exercise nutrition symposium this Saturday.
Volunteering this weekend (hopefully) at a hockey game for Hope’s Garden.
Warm weather! And rain! My favs.

Fun Fact Survey: A to Z

A is for age: 23. Kind of an in between age. I’m not at that quarter life crisis age, but I sorta feel like I already had enough life crises to earn a get out of the normal 24/25 one free card, ya know?

B is for breakfast today: pre swim = yogurt (greek plain, vanilla) with some crushed Kashi shredded wheat; post swim = shredded wheat, dried apples (new love)/raisins, and vanilla soy milk

…ps I need coffee!

C is for currently craving: SUMMER! And RUNNING! My hip is bugging me (aching a bit) again…I think I need to back off! Building up the runs too fast is silly because I want to run allllll summer! This is another push to get in the pool more!

D is for dinner tonight: I was thinking falafel, but I’ve got to teach spin afterwards, so I’m thinking googling pre-spin dinner (or making something a bit blander) might be in order. Or I’ll take suggestions?

E is for favorite type of exercise: Triathlon! Yoga! So running, biking, swimming, yoga, etc. I like circuits if I’m doing weights and I wish I could add “core workouts” to this. I need some that get me going…

F is for an irrational fear: That I’m going to somehow open a car door by leaning on it or something while driving and fall out. I think it comes from a door opening when I was in preschool going to school while we were moving—I still remember it—but now I lock the door all the time.

G is for gross food: Goat’s yogurt. How can goat cheese be so freaking good but goat yogurt be so…sickening.

H is for hometown: I’d call it Sarnia, Ontario. But I was born in Westchester, PA and grew up near Cleveland! Now I live in London, Ontario!

I is for something important: Integrity. Living your word, being honest, and following your heart. Cheesy, I’m aware, but entirely necessary.

J is for current favorite jam: Wild Ones (Flo Rida ft. Sia). This one is on repeat and definitely got me through swim this morning! It makes me feel like summer, if that makes sense…

K is for kids: Not for quite a while.

L is for current location: A desk in my classroom. I am not being bad, class doesn’t start for 8 minutes!

M is for the most recent way you spent money: Massage! I made an appointment for this afternoon—back to that aching hip and needing to stay on top of things!

N is for something you need: Water bottles! I think I lost 4 over the winter…the cheaper kind you use for biking. But now that spring has sprung and outdoor rides are happening, I’m going to need to get on this!

these are my favs!

O is for occupation: Student, freelance writer, fitness instructor, editor at The Gazette.

P is for pet peeve: When people can’t put their phone down. When we’re out for coffee, WE are out for coffee. When you’re in class, at least TRY to stop texting for an hour. If you’re paying for something, talk to the cashier. When we’re out, you should probably make memories more exciting than the guy you were drunk texting all night.

Q is for a quote: I need to dedicate an entire post, page, blog to these. I love love love Quote Garden but a good google search helps me out in a pinch! The first quote I ever really remember loving (and the one I seriously consider getting tattooed across my side) is:

Other honourable mentions:

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.” – Bob Moawad

“It isn’t necessary to know exactly how your ideal life will look; you only have to know what feels better and what feels worse…Begin making choices based on what makes you feel freer and happier, rather than on how you think an ideal life should look. It’s the process of feeling our way toward happiness, not the realization of the Platonic ideal, that creates our best lives.”

R is for random fact about you: I have a piece of lead (graphite?) stuck in my right calf. It has been there since I was six and it came from a realllllly sharp Christmas pencil that was sticking through my backpack on the school bus, through a pair of pants. Impressive, no?

S is for favorite healthy snack: sweet potato with almond butter!

T is for favorite treat: FRO YO, best served with friends and hot fudge!

U is for something that makes you unique:

V is for favorite vegetable: TOSSUP–spinach, squash, or carrots…or brussel sprouts?!

W is for today’s workout: I did master’s swim this morning (2500m) before the sunrise. Tonight: CORE! teaching spin!

X is for X-rays you’ve had: one of my foot, one of my hip — both just en route to referrals for better tests around sports injuries — luckily i’ve not broken anything KNOCK ON WOOD!

Y is for yesterday’s highlight: Another tossup: awesome bike ride and seeing my friends at Sunday Funday!

Z is for your time zone: Eastern! I’m awful at knowing what time it is elsewhere…

Have you done this survey yet? Get on it!Happy Monday!!

Happy is the new healthy

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