Tag Archives: weight

As if

Posted on by

6

First, a flashback (skip to 1:08ish for the title reference, please!):

Second, here goes…

This week’s been filled with fun and plenty of things to keep me busy, but I’ve been having a hella time sleeping. Last night, after lying in bed for about an hour, I said to hell with tossing and turning and got up and wrapped up the Christmas presents under my new tree. Is it strange to wrap gifts at 2am? In November?

While I wrapped, I listened to a podcast where Geneen Roth was talking about one of her books—“Women, Food, and God”—which really changed the way I looked at my eating issues back when I was first introduced to her work. Geneen writes in a way that takes the words out of my mouth but also has a knack for getting at something deeper. I’d go so far as to say she awakens consciousness to things I might never have considered on my own or perhaps just puts down on paper the things that many of us are awesome at avoiding.

At any rate, I’m feeling absolutely inspired by her and the book, which I paged through today for old time’s sake. One of the dog-eared pages I came to talked about the concept of living “as if” and I really think, given my posts yesterday, that it applies. Though her reference to “The Voice” might not make full sense, think of it as the beliefs and chatter in your mind about yourself (your inner critic) and reflect on this:

“I tell those who haven’t experienced themselves without The Voice that they need to live as if. Live as if they are worth their own time. Live as if they deserve to take care of their bodies. Live as if the possibilities they long for actually exist. Living as if creates a bridge to a new way of living. It allows you to see that something else is possible. That you really can walk, talk, and eat as if you deserve to be here.”

I think what she suggests here is extremely powerful.

If you’re like me, that’s a refreshing idea. If you’re convinced that you’re overweight and the itty bitty shitty committee that sometimes shows up in your thoughts drives your actions, you’re in a tough spot.

If you’re like me, you realize that that belief is absolutely misguided. Maybe you even know where the voice came from—for me, I can remember a painful time when someone who I love called me “fat and lazy”—and you’re actively trying to flip the switch to a more positive frequency.

But maybe like me, that’s tough. Seeing yourself in new light—as awesome at your core and inherently healthy—can take time. I know that in some areas of my life, I’ve certainly been able to flip that switch. Take, for instance, relationships. It’s easy for me to recognize that I deserve to be surrounded by amazing people who make me feel good and to spend less time with people who bring me down. Done and done. It’s not so easy to convince myself that, in the case of my body, my default is fit.

While it’s tough, it’s not impossible. And it’s happening, albeit slowly. I can catch myself heading into a negative headspace. I can recognize my thoughts for what they are. And while building self-esteem takes effort, the work is rewarding in and of itself. Who wouldn’t want to feel healthier and happier?  I’d suppose that if you’re reading a blog called Happy is the New Healthy, you’d be all over that!

So how about we do a little reflecting on hypothetical situation: What if you were always going to have this body—at this weight, with those thighs, and that jean size?

  • How would you eat?
  • How would you talk to yourself?
  • How would you exercise?
  • What would you stop doing?
  • What would you start doing?
  • What would you do more of?
  • Less of?
  • What would you wear?
  • What would shopping be like?
  • What would your pantry look like?
  • Where would you spend your money?

My guess is that, particularly if you’ve been dieting or “holding yourself back” you might start with an answer like “I’d eat cake all the time!” Sure, permission to eat freely might sound like permission to binge. But at the end of the day, weight or no weight, bingeing sucks. You’d start to eat the things that genuinely move your body towards health—knowing that food either makes you healthier or makes you sicker. Perhaps the talk of thunder thighs or pudge would change into appreciation of your curves or muscular build or at least into acceptance. Maybe you’d hop off the elliptical and lace up your hiking boots to move your body in a way that you’d love. Maybe you’d stop bingeing, restricting, talking about dieting with your friends, or comparing yourself to other people. Maybe you’d start taking care of your body (check-ups, adjustments, hygiene, etc.), getting more sleep, or going on dates. Perhaps you’d wear clothes that fit you and that flatter you—not baggy duds to hide yourself or things that are too tight and make you a cranky sausage. Would you dread shopping or would you find stores that sell things that you could swear were made just for you? Maybe you’d keep foods you’re certain you could never have around for fear of demolishing them in your kitchen. Maybe you’d stop buying magazines offering how to lose the last 10lbs, diet supplements that promise to be the missing answer in your weight issues.

Maybe you’d start to live a whole different life.

If those questions shook you up, I encourage you to start doing some of the things that I listed (or if you thought of something that you’d do if your weight didn’t matter)—maybe not the cake one. The things that you’d do for the sake of being healthy and happy—the stuff I listed as the answers—are the things that I absolutely must do if I want to be healthy and happy. Anything else is trivial. What would happen if you asked yourself the first question as it applies to the things you do daily?

At the end of the day, whether you’re 20lbs overweight, underweight, or exactly where you think you belong, you’re not healthy if you don’t take care of yourself. Regardless of what your body looks like or weighs, you’re wonderful. You deserve everything good and lovely in the world. Using food to make yourself miserable—fat, skinny, obsessive, etc.—distorts that. It gives you a problem, something you can wave in your face as proof that you’re not so amazing.

But you are amazing.

Whether or not you have weight to lose or gain, giving up the idea that that weight is a problem is a big deal. It offers you the chance to make a radical shift to how you approach yourself and your day to day actions. It takes you from a living against—problem-focused—approach and creates the space for you to instead live for.

Rather than an excuse to be fat and lazy and all things people like to assume not being attached to your weight mean, letting go puts the focus back on our actions. It gives you the right to do what’s healthy for healthy’s sake. Sometimes our weight can distort things. Consider the skinny fat person who eats like crap and never moves. With weight as a distorting lens to judge whether or not they’re healthy, they’re winning. Without it, they’re shit out of luck.

Weight is just an outcome—and as the skinny fat example suggests, it’s just a part of the picture. It’d take a certain kind of person to suggest that appearance trumps everything else and I’d like to punch that kind of person squarely between the eyes.

Lose the lens. Take some responsibility for taking care of yourself and be proud of the fact that you’re doing it.

All of this is asking you to take a step. To start to live for being healthy and happy and fit and strong rather than to live against being fat, sad, out of shape, or weak. Instead of avoiding the things that you think will bring you down, go after the things that will lift you up. Instead of avoiding whatever it is you’re scared of in life, create what you want.

Are you ready to live “as if?”

Finally, some more cheese…

The bigger the better

Posted on by

8

When it comes to certain things, my motto is most definitely “the bigger the better”…

desserts

mountains

coffees

deadlift weight

shoe collection

gifts

When it comes to certain things, I’m less likely to be so excited about all things large and in charge.

For instance, my thighs.

Let me give you the background on this so you know where I’m coming from.

Yesterday at work, I decided to buy myself a lovely pair of wunder under crops.

Cute, no? Reversible, too!

Before I go into why these tights are so awesome (sweat-wicking miracle pants, anyone?), let me stay on track.

A few months ago, I started buying my pants in a size larger than when I was at my smallest–an extra small (who was extra cranky, extra hangry, and extra sick). I’ve come to terms with it and really have had no problems buying myself the equivalent of a small.

Yesterday, I decided to try these bad boys on in that small size just to make sure the length was right. Didn’t I have a surprise when they were see-through. According to the gals I work with, it was fine. But according to me, the girl who tries to be honest with anyone who asks me for an opinion on the size of their pants–shiny, see-through = too small, bunchy/baggy = too big <– it’s simple!–I needed to at least try on the other size.

I grabbed the mediums, albeit a bit dismayed. When I put them on, they felt awesome. They also looked awesome.

I had a moment of “oh man, another size up!” in my head, but I mostly shut it up and decided that my options were to stop squatting (not happening) or to just suck it up, take ‘em home, and get on with my life. I chose option B but not after commenting that I’d gone up another size.

The response (and I always feel awkward blogging about what other people say, but this is necessary for me to make my point) was that it was okay to go up a size.

Fair enough.

But, “Just keep going to spin and you’ll get back down.” (or something roughly along those lines)

Ha.

There was a time in my life where I spun every day. I think I was 20lbs heavier than this for part of that period and then 20lbs lighter for another. Spinning has little to no effect on the size of my ass–it’s my mindset that does that.

What struck me about the comment wasn’t that I felt offended–cuz I really don’t every want to be back in those tiny little pants–it was the assumption that I was upset over going up a size that resonated with me.

So now that you know where I’m coming from, here comes the word vomit part of this post:

As someone who is just doing what I know is good for me–working out in a balanced way, eating whole foods that move me towards health, giving myself downtime, etc.–and embracing my body as it comes out, I felt sad when I realized that the thought that going up a size is somehow wrong is totally common. I can’t count the number of times someone at work or elsewhere has complained about, refused to, or been otherwise upset about going up a size OR the number of times I’ve heard people comment how nice it would be to lose a few pounds or to fit into a small or size 2 or 4 or whatever number it is they’ve decided is small enough.

News flash: we’re not all meant to be small. Medium exists for a reason. So do large, extra large, and extra small, for that reason. Bodies come in all shapes and sizes and beyond that, healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes.

You have permission to take up space. Why is small so celebrated? Why is it that when it comes to our bodies, we change our tune from “I want to be big and strong when I grow up” to “I want to lose be a size 2,” “I want to lose weight,” or “My butt is too big.” All of these ideas suggest that we’re somehow wrong but we’re not wrong–our thoughts are. 

The nice thing about thoughts? We can change them!

Instead of thinking you’re somehow wrong by being the size you are, you can think that you are perfect in every way. You can decide that you are here to take up space in this world and move into owning that physical space. I could run away with the idea that when you give yourself full permission to take up physical space you also give yourself permission to take up space in other ways (emotionally, mentally, etc. in your relationships, in your work, in the world at large) but I’ll save that for another day!

If you’re stuck on small, consider this:

For the smalls out there–who are really meant to be small–this isn’t an attack on skinny gals. If you’re skinny and you’re doing the things you need to to be healthy, ROCK that size 4. But if you’re struggling to stay there at the cost of your happiness, healthiness, or sanity…give it up! We are not all meant to be smalls. We are not all meant to be mediums, larges, or any other size we come up with and make “wrong”. We are all meant to be whatever happens when we do the right things. I firmly believe that.

I’d go further to say that while we struggle to buy a bigger size, it’s not really about being medium, large, extra large…whatever. The problem isn’t with our bodies or the size of them, it’s with what we think of them. The sooner we can learn to stop making the size or shape of ourselves wrong, the better off we’ll be.

Please do me a favour: STOP basing your goals on what your body will look like or how much you’ll weigh. Do things that you know are healthy because they’re healthy. For example: if you end up gaining weight from the muscle you’ve put on in your efforts to get strong lifting weights, awesome. If you lose weight because you’ve started walking to work instead of driving every day, bonus. The good things are that you’re stronger and moving more, not that your body composition improved in a certain direction (whichever one you think is “right”).

Reminder: You are supposed to take up space. You are supposed to be healthy. You are supposed to have the body that results from doing healthy things that make you happy.

You can spend the rest of your life thinking that you’re supposed to be smaller, or you can accept your body as it is and do the things you know are good for your mind, body, and soul (eating well, exercising, finding your passions and going after them, and having some chocolate along the way?).

You can spend the rest of your life thinking that you should optimize your body composition, or you can optimize your choices instead and let whatever is supposed to happen happen.

You can buy into the idea that we should be as small as possible and you can pass this idea along to your kids, reinforce it to the people you come into contact with, and leave the world no better, or you can challenge it by accepting yourself and owning the decision to embrace your body at it’s natural, healthy, ideal size.

This is one of those posts that I think needs to be shared. I think a lot of people are probably on the same page as me–and a lot of people are wondering if it’s OK to be on this page. You’re not alone. The more people that talk about this and the more people who start living this self-acceptance and challenging fat talk and the notion that we should always be after weight loss, the bigger the impact we can have.

And just like ice cream sundaes, when it comes to trying to change the world, “the bigger the better” most certainly applies.

Watch your language

Posted on by

8

If there’s one thing that makes me a total nerd,  I love, it’s words. 

But lately I’ve been picking up on things that I say and write and I had a bit of an “I really need to address this” kind of realization this weekend.

In specific, I had a double dose of barbecues and a date with friends for a beer planned after a bike ride. Sounds like a good day, right?

My thoughts: “Well you can get away with a drink or two since you’ll be biking for a few hours this morning.”

HOLD UP!

I know I’m not the only one guilty of this—I see it all the time:

  • Olympic athletes being able to “get away” with eating less than perfectly since they burn so many calories
  • Young people saying they can “get away” with things like binge drinking, eating crap, and not exercising
  • Articles about how you can “afford” to let loose if you’re an active person
  • During my recovery from my eating disorder, being told I could “get away” with having extra treats given my circumstances

I wish someone would ask these people – and I wish I’d asked myself sooner – what are you getting away with? If you have to get away with it, should you be doing it? If you really want to do it, should you be making it into something you have to get away with?

I’m reading The Six Pillars of Self Esteem and funny enough (I’m starting to think coincidences don’t actually exist), something came up in the book that really relates to all of this. In the section on integrity, Branden discusses how little issues with integrity and the small choices we make are the ones that accumulate to really affect us. In short, when we act in a way that’s different then our values, we are damaging our self esteem and acting in contradiction to ourselves. That’s not good! We might say that “getting away” with stuff makes us feel badass (I got away with skipping school today! I’m so badass!), but I think we all know how we really feel when we go against what we know is right—bad (I got away with listening to my heart and did something I know is bad for me! Ew! OR I did what I really want to but I’m supposed to feel bad for it! I’m a bad person!).

All of this comes back to a thought that changed my life (big deal, I know!): you only go to bed with you. I have a yoga teacher friend who likes to tell us that you better start liking yourself because you’re always going to be with you. You can’t argue with that. When I heard this, I was just realizing how I really am in charge of how I operate in this world. I am the one who I have to answer to–not my parents, not my friends, not a doctor or a nutritionist or a dietitian or shrink–ME!

So if the goal is to be healthy, why do we use this kind of language?

I think it’s because we have a skewed idea of what health is, plain and simple. We’re confused about what it takes to be healthy and while it might not be entirely our fault, that’s not an excuse. News flash: being skinny isn’t being healthy–contrary to what the cover of most health magazines or newspaper headlines regarding health might suggest.

Exhibit A: Eat what you crave (& still lose) – I could have chosen just about any magazine, but this one’s on new stands now

Not being sick, fat, or hurt doesn’t mean that you’re not doing harm to your body. In other words, if you put a bunch of chemicals in it (binge drink), load it up with crappy food (eat poorly because you think you can “afford” it as a big exerciser or an endurance athlete), neglect it (skip things like flexibility or mobility work because you have somehow evaded injury thus far)—you’re still doing bad things to your body and to yourself. The focus needs to be on the behavior and whether it in itself is actually beneficial—not on the outcome. In short, when you do something, we should be able to answer with confidence that it’s helping us achieve our goals and our values–or be prepared to pay the price of going against our own heart/will/intelligence (lowered self esteem, the actual detrimental effects of what it is we’re doing, etc.).

The biggest application of this to myself is in terms of health, so just to be clear on what I’m thinking: Health is simply the outcome of doing the healthy things that we all know are good for us – sleeping, eating good food, moving, drinking plenty of water, resting, loving — and it’s the way we’re supposed to be (health is your birthright, your natural state, and where your body wants to be). Where I think people get mixed up is forgetting that health is the natural state we want to be in OR thinking of a picture of healthy and then aiming for that instead of exploring what is actually healthy, doing those things, and letting the outcome (Health! Imagine that!) happen. In short, you can’t take a picture of health and then hammer yourself into it. For example: Thinking that people with a six pack and clear skin are healthy and then going on a crash diet and taking acne medication to get there would be this kind of end-focused, misguided approach. Personally, this matters: I got a lot of comments about how “healthy” and great I looked when I first lost weight during my dances with my eating disorder. Sure—I might have been healthy by the looks of things, but healthy can’t be judged by the looks of things. My behaviours were far from health-promoting and that’s where the real issue is (unless it’s in the fact that most people equate weight loss with health, but that health is more than weight is one of the points of my blog, in case you missed it).

What this all means to me: go eat your ice cream and be done with it. Don’t justify it, but shift the way you think about it (could eating ice cream every once in a while be part of your definition of health?). The minute you say “I can get away with this,” you contribute to that skewed idea about what it is to be healthy.  Own your decision to do whatever it is you’re doing. Think about your definition of healthy. If you base your idea of health and wellness on deprivation, you’re going to be more tempted to try to “get away” with things—we want what we can’t have. Wouldn’t it be interesting to see what happens if people based health on the positives instead of on all the things they’re trying to avoid? Or if more people started exercising because it’s good for us, not because it helps us avoid weight gain? If we ate more vegetables because they were healthy, not because they prevent ___________ (insert disease/condition of choice here)?I’m working on a definition of health that makes doing the things I used to think I was “getting away” with less appealing–and it’s working. Why would I want to go out and do things that bring me down when I actually care about myself and want to take care of myself? Alternatively, why would I pretend like I think something I’m doing is bad just because people think it’s bad, justify it to please them, and belittle my own intelligence and self esteem in the process? If you want to do something, do it. No apologies, no regrets.  

This is a bigger issue than a blog post can take on, but I thought it was worth at least putting out there.  Like I said before, the first step is to notice this kind of talk in yourself. Sure, if it’s a societal thing and people are focused on this notion of health as just not being sick or not being fat, that’s a problem that’s going to take a lot of work to change. But throwing up your hands and saying “that’s the way it is” and going on contributing to it if you’re aware isn’t helping anyone, least of all yourself.

If you got sick of reading and now here you are hoping for some cheesy quote, here’s the summary: If your goal is healthy, you don’t “get away” with things that are unhealthy. 

Get real

Posted on by

12

You’ll be happy to know this is a project-related rant that’s about to go down here.

I’ll start with some background on the project. Basically, it’s a two part menu planning assignment.

First we had to keep track of our eats for 3 days, calculate the cost of them, and input them into a food processor. It analyzed our intake and spit out our results vs. recommendations in terms of all the nutrients you could possibly care or not care about and then we compared our own records to Canada’s Food Guide and to a budget figure set out by the Montreal Diet Dispensary. FYI my daily recommendation for spending on food was a mere $8.30 (or the cost of about 3 starbucks venti coffees, for comparison’s sake). I think the biggest thing that stuck out to me wasn’t that I wasn’t eating enough grains or that I was eating too many servings from the meat and alternatives group (big surprise, right?) but was the amount of money that I spend on my food. And I remember mentioning and posing a question about how valid an external food guide can be for you when it comes to eating healthy, so I guess this project opened up my mind and at least ignited some critical thinking.

The second part is a little bit more work but this time we are to plan a 3 day menu and then cost it, trying to fit within that spending allowance and trying best to manage to the food guide recommendations for our age/sex. We also have to comment on how we will use the leftovers we make, the food that we don’t include in the meal plan, etc. It’s a bit tedious–calculating the market order costing, thinking about how to match the food guide, etc. It dawned on me that it’s all kind of ridiculous. I get it–there are people who need meal plans, but are there?

What if we didn’t? Aren’t we born knowing how to eat? Aren’t we hardwired to like the foods that are good for us? Somewhere along the way I think I lost sight of this and started to look for the answer outside of me. A diet book. A dietitian. A magazine. A friend. Whatever, whoever, wherever. And it took what felt like an eternity for me to find out how to start to feed myself for me, but I think I’m there. Yes, I’ll read your article about going vegan and I might be swayed a bit. I’ll read a Paleo book and start to embrace some of their philosophies. But if someone tells me that there’s a plan out there, a guide out there, an expert or a whatever out there that knows better than I do what I need to eat? I think that’s silly. PLEASE NOTE that I don’t think a year ago I could have been here — I was using food for reasons besides fuel/nourishment. When I was emotionally attached to things and still active with my eating disorder, food took on a whole new power — it carried with it fear and so much more than the nutrition I know it provides me with today. There was good food and there was bad food and I was good or bad based on what I ate. Then I got to the point where I thought that there was no bad food. But what I’m realizing more and more now is that there is such a thing as stupid food. Bad might be the wrong word for it — and eating something that’s junk doesn’t make you junk, but now that I’m out of the depths of things I feel alright saying this: there is such a thing as crappy food. And if you eat TOO MUCH of it, you will feel like crap.

Sorry if you have your hand in a bag of chips or something right now and that came off a little blunt.

Common sense says this: eat real food. ED says: don’t eat food, don’t eat fake food, eat fake food to prove you can, eat only this kind of real food, avoid that food, blah blah blah. But remember something: ED IS STUPID. We are smart. If you’re eating something, ask if it’s food. Does it have an ingredient label you can hardly make your way through without getting confused or flashing back to organic chemistry? Will it last forever (food is supposed to go bad)? Did it come from the ground or have a mother? Is it recognizable? Could you buy it at the market?

Let’s just get real and honest and to the point: we should eat real food. Saying that doesn’t mean froyo and candy bars are gone forever, but it does mean that you have to get real with yourself if you want to get healthy. That goes for you whether you’re overweight, recovering, or whatever. I spent a lot of time learning by making mistakes. I guess what I’m trying to do here is to share with you what I’ve taken my sweet arse time to learn in the hopes that you can learn it a bit faster yourself. I’m grateful that I learned this “the hard way” through all the struggles and experimenting, but that doesn’t mean I can’t shout what I’ve learned from the rooftops or tell you that if you feel like you’re constantly trying new things out and not getting any answers that you’re probably en route to an epiphany and that you should keep going!

…or so you can argue with me and tell me to shut up and eat a granola bar. I have a good friend who sent me a private message a few months ago that came entirely from her heart. At the time, it caught me off guard because she called me out on some of the things she saw me eating on a regular basis on my blog that were, looking back, that stupid food that I mentioned earlier in this post. But now I get it: she was trying to reach out and help me. Not saying that I think everyone needs to get real with themselves and ask themselves if they are really eating right because I’m scared of offending someone might rob me of the chance to get through to someone who’s on the same wavelength as me: if that’s you, EAT REAL FOOD. Don’t be scared. Scared is for wussies. Get real!

I’ve held back on posting this for fear of coming off as mean or as high and mighty. I don’t think I’m better than you. I don’t think eating a candy bar makes you a bad person. If you think it does, that’s an issue. If that’s how this sounds, I apologize for not getting my point across but I have never really held back before so it doesn’t make sense to do it now.

So I guess I’ll say it one more time:

  • We don’t need fancy meal plans.
  • We need to eat real food.
  • We don’t need a diet label — paleo? great. vegan? awesome. vegetarian? cool. lacto-ovo-pesca-vegetarian? you go girl! Regardless of your label, you better be eating mostly whole foods if you want to be healthy.
  • The food guide is generic and right now I think it’s crap.

Now that I’m not scared of gaining weight, I can eat real food. Now that I don’t care if I have a six pack or not, I can eat real food that makes me feel good. Now that I don’t think froyo has some magical powers, I can go get it and leave it at that. I can make mistakes. I can eat too much and end up with a stomachache and not do it again–or accidentally do it again. It’s all good. It’s just food.

Where I’m drawing inspiration these days:

Phew.

You know those rapid fire posts where you literally can’t type fast enough? That just happened. If you could follow along, congratulations. If you need a recap, it’s this: this project is stupid. :)

Have a good night!

What do you think about this real food approach?
Have you ever gotten to the point where you’ve had to tell yourself to get real in some aspect of your life?

Body by Vi, I wish you’d…

Posted on by

10

…it rhymes with “Vi”.

Die.

This was going to be a Facebook status update before I headed to bed, but I bet there are some opinions out there that I’d love to hear, so here goes another post that, kind of like my take on strong is the new skinny, might hit close to home for some people.

In short, if I see one more beautiful friend of mine touting the “Body by Vi” program or challenge I might cry or scream or lose it.

When it came up on my news feed multiple times today, I decided to google the ingredients of the shakes. I had a conversation with a friend about how overwhelming the whole thing has been lately in our circle of friends/social media and about how concerning it is that so many people jump on this bandwagon looking for health.

I found an info sheet online which explains the challenge and gives information on the shakes, mixes, and cookies, etc. they sell.

The ingredients for the shake are mostly ingredients and not really recognizable as food to me:

Hi “digestive resistant maltodextrin from fibersol”, I don’t think we’ve met. Maybe next time I’m at the market I’ll ask around for some? I’m thinking it’s just a form of fibre, but seriously…

What happened to getting fiber from foods? Wouldn’t it be kind of cool if you could toss some fruit and maybe some yogurt for protein and spinach for vitamins if you’re feeling fancy into a blender and whip up a shake that you can call food instead of a food-like supplement?

If you check out the cookies the program sells, they say under the question “Who can eat the cookie?” that they’re good for the “health conscious: those who want a healthy snack without wasting calories eating empty foods,” among others.

So serve up a mix of a bunch of things extracted from food and some stuff you certainly can’t picture.

…not really what I’m expecting in a cookie. FYI: flour, sugar, and butter are real food. Maybe some oatmeal, eggs, and chocolate.

All those extra extracts added into these products might very well be healthy — but wouldn’t it be cool if people got healthy by learning to eat the real foods instead of frankenfoods that provide the vitamins/minerals/compounds in isolated form? Do you really think a diet that teaches you to eat a cookie as a way to avoid wasting calories on empty foods is going to work long term? Wouldn’t it be better to teach people how to fuel themselves using whole foods to get the nutrition they need?

In my opinion, health is about learning and about gaining the skills and abilities that are genuinely healthy. The Body By Vi challenge is about selling the products. You’d probably lose weight–according to this article I liked on a group of dietitians’ website, the program provides:

“1200-1400calories/day. 18% of the calories come from fat, 44% from carbohydrates, and a whopping 38% from protein. What does the body really need to stay healthy? 20-30% from fat, 45-65% from carbohydrates, 10-20% from protein.”

Seems a bit counterproductive if your goal is to get healthy?

So by all means if you want to admit that you’re taking a quick fix that is really not a healthy choice that must not be based on the pursuit of health but maybe on something ego-driven or unhealthy, tout the products. If you want to talk to me about getting healthy, lets do it over Green Monsters.

I’m gonna leave this with some advice from Michael Pollan (one of his tips from Food Rules):

“Avoid food products containing ingredients that no ordinary human would keep in the pantry.”

While I can’t say I’m perfect–I definitely eat processed foods–I know that basing my diet on whole foods is healthy. I know that writing this post was necessary!
What do you think about the shakes?
How do you feel about people promoting products they sell — i.e. these shakes or anything else you’ve been approached to purchase or to “get in on”?

Why do we need a “new skinny”

Posted on by

46

This is a blog post I’ve had in mind since I started Happy Is The New Healthy, mostly because of the name connection (you’ll see…), but I struggled over whether or not I should post something that might offend people I truly care about and readers of my blog. That being said, I can’t hold back. That’s not who I am. And Dr. Seuss gave me a good reminder.

That being said, this is an opinion.

Why strong might be the new skinny, but that’s scary 

When I first came across the Facebook page for “Strong is the new skinny”, I almost liked it. Then I realized…I don’t like this any more than I like the idea of “skinny is the new skinny”…

As I poked around the page a bit more and ran into some posts that promoted it, I saw some of its merits, but I also saw something troubling: replacing skinny with muscular/fit/just a different idea of “perfection” or even of an “ideal”. IS it really better?

I started to notice a similar trend on some blogs and websites I actually love. I am not going to hate on anyone’s goals or aspirations, but I do hope that aiming for “strong” is really aiming for strong and not aiming for looking like an Oxygen Magazine cover model.

Back to the Facebook page/promos I saw…some of the women I saw in the posts were strong looking, and that’s great. But the vast majority were those Oxygen Cover model lookalikes, whose bodies I would argue are no less out of the realm of healthy or normal or reasonable for the average person than are those of extremely thin models. Many of the pictures associated with the movement say things like “Skinny isn’t healthy–strong is,” or “Be the girl you were too lazy to be yesterday.” Coupled with photos of half naked, tanned, made up women with bodies I rarely see in real life, I’m not so sure this is that different from “thin-spiration,” and that makes me sad.

While I am 100% supportive of moving away from “skinny” as a goal or an ideal, the thought that striving for muscularity–often to the point of heading to the gym to purposefully sculpt certain muscles–seems misguided too. To achieve the look, these women “cut” to an extremely low body fat percentage though they end up weighing a “normal” weight thanks to having more muscle. There are plenty of physical issues that come with being extremely lean for an extended period of time (losing your period, placing your bones at risk, throwing off your hormones, etc.)–issues strangely similar to those associated with striving to be skinny. There are also a host of mental issues (not living up the out of reach standards, using the pursuit of an ideal as a distraction, using your goals as something to control in your life) that I would argue are not much different than those involved in striving to be stick thin.

Though I’d never argue that “eating clean” and pumping iron is unhealthy in and of itself, and I know that many girls who struggle with eating issues come into this lifestyle during their recovery (and eating regularly and learning about your body are good steps in recovery), I guess I struggle because I still see people selling themselves short and dedicating themselves to a petty goal involving shaping their bodies.

Besides specific sculpting workouts, there is a whole lot of eating on purpose involved to get one of those perfectly shaped, sought-after “strong” bodies. Some restriction here, some extra protein there…eating “clean”, etc. I see a LOT of merit in eating more whole foods, but when you replace one set of rules with another, it’s kind of just another form of crazed.

I do not mean to attack anyone here, but striving for anything with your body and controlling it is just another form of ED, in my mind. It might be partially recovered, but everyone deserves full recovery. I guess it’s sad to me because I question what these amazing, hard-working, determined girls might do with their energy otherwise? What if instead of trying to change the shape of their bodies, girls decided to change the world? What if all the energy women spend trying to fix their trouble spots went towards fixing things that are actually broken?

So where do you draw the line? Am I saying that any girl who lifts weights has an ED? Or is selfish and should go volunteer instead?

Heck no. I am a fitness instructor myself–and I believe that working out is fun, a source of strength, and a healthy thing for us! But what I refuse to believe is that striving for an image of “strong” or purposefully trying to create a body type is healthy—it’s still a way to sell yourself short.

Your body is perfect the way it is, naturally.  What needs to happen–and I am aware that this is a very humble OPINION–is for us to realize that there is NO ideal body! Wouldn’t it be radical if we thought women were strong because they could climb mountains or run marathons or lift heavy weights—not because they look like a fitness model? I think it’s kind of simple, for people to get healthy they need to focus on getting healthy, not on looking a certain way.

I’ve said it before and it is truly my goal to believe, live, and show the world that your weight is a byproduct. You can focus on it, but we all know that what matters is your actions—are you eating enough nutritious food, moving your body, and giving it the respect it deserves? Your “ideal” body will just come when you’re doing these things!

I know this might be offensive to some people–even to some I really care about–but if your focus is on creating a certain body and if that focus requires specific eating that feels out of intuition, even if it’s a shift from a more restrictive, skinny-focused or an out of control, “screw it” unhealthy place, I’d suggest that it’s still selling yourself short.

Giving up an ideal, a goal for your body, etc. opens up a lot of doors. Scary doors. Think about it. When I gave up the fight to control my body, I was scared shitless. All that energy and what to do with it?  Worry about things that matter? Take responsibility for my own life? It’s scary because if you fail, you fail. But being scared is not a reason to revert to an old habit and is not a reason to live small…You’ll also be leaving behind the vast majority of people you meet, who are complacent with disliking their bodies and with accepting the message that there is something wrong with liking themselves. But seriously, when you think about it, what’s better? Settling for a small life or at least trying to live a little while you’re here?

I’m going to reign this one back in, because I’m off on one of my Cheryl’s trying to change the world tangents.

Use your energy, determination, and drive to set goals that matter. Accept that your body has an ideal and will find it when you listen to it and take care of it and give up the need to control or shape it. 

When you get to the end of your life, how do you want people to remember you…

  • She had a six pack
  • She cycled her carbs really well
  • She never ate white flour

Or

  • She lived her life
  • She followed her heart
  • She left a mark

?

Be strong, but define it yourself.

Strong is strong. 

What do you think? I’m curious to hear responses, especially from people who have thought about or done fitness modelling, this kind of training/eating, or who have had EDs.
If you have a blog, link me up to a post you held back on publishing–was it worth it?

Girl talk resources

Posted on by

3

Since I’ve been getting some feedback that people can relate to the post I made earlier about my issues with athletic induced amenorrhea, I thought I’d share some resources that have helped me out with the whole question of whether or not it’s really an issue, why it starts, how to get back to a healthy, normal cycle, etc.

It’s all over the place. These are just the articles I came back to tonight!

And now for some insight…Stuff that I think (my opinion on what I’ve read and my own experience):

  • You can still train, but the motivation should be right.
  • If it’s about energy balance, you’ve got to be willing to work through some experimenting and see what works for you. In my case, this also means accepting that in order to get my period, I need to be in calorie balance. Which means I cannot be losing weight, which I think for the last bit while I was trying to deal with my amenorrhea, I kind of didn’t accept. Recall my epiphany about always thinking with a weight loss mindset? Maybe now that I recognized that and I can move on to living healthy, I’ll be better able to fuel myself and to stay in balance. Once a doc suggested that even if I was maintaining my weight but it was sporadic eating (i.e. mostly at night after dieting during the day, ditto for the weekend after being “good” all week, etc.) my body would still be out of whack. Another suggested that it might have to do with refueling around workouts specifically (and promoted eating more immediately before and after, etc.). All good theories, if you’re willing to accept that your body has a weight that it wants to find and will find, if you let it.
  • Patience is key–this issue didn’t come around overnight and it won’t go away really quick either. For me, this means accepting that I spent a lot of time abusing my body and accepting that it’s not going to snap back right away. To be honest, I think this extends. My mind is recovered, I am making huge steps forward, etc. but it’s been interesting to see the effects of how much I put myself through (too much exercise, not enough eating, bingeing, purging, all the stuff that came along with ED) in their physical manifestations. Thyroid disease runs in my family, but not usually this young. None of my family members have issues with migraines, their periods, etc. I had low bone density at the age of 17, a time when I should have been building things up, not tearing them down. My heart took a beating and I have to go yearly for tests now to check in because of a scare I had in the height of things. It’s all pretty scary, it might not be due to ED, but it’s related and it’s also REAL. I’m also not blaming my injury issues on ED, but it’s true that I put my body through a hell of a lot of workouts and didn’t give it rest or love or so many of the things it deserved for a long time. I can’t expect it to bounce back perfectly — this struggle is just part of recovery!
  • The stuff associated with the Female Athlete Triad is really similar to ED and I see it in so many of my friends who I would never think of as having disordered eating. The compulsion to train, the thought that you can kind of be “proud” that you “work so hard” that you don’t get your period, etc. is kind of rampant and really sad once you step outside and see that it’s not actually healthy at all. This is a topic I know I want to work with when I’m a dietitian (sounds cool to say that!) because I am so passionate about it.
  • Maybe personally I spend too much time working out too hard. This might also be related to the awesome spin class that I went to this morning where the instructor talked about why recovery (within a class specifically) is so important. I’m kind of a balls to the wall person and even though I’ve been working with a coach, I find it so hard to tone my workouts down and to keep my heart rate in a happy zone. No wonder I’ve been so tired and exhausted and injury prone in the past, I know, but seriously! Maybe this has something to do with it…bring on the long, somewhat leisurely bike rides! :) Variety is the spice of life.
  • Maybe I just am not in the place to have a baby. Emotionally, mentally and therefore physically.

Andddd enough of the girl talk (continued). It is SO past my bedtime it’s not even funny!

Can you relate?
Did you find any of these resources helpful?

 

Fro yo fosters deep insight

Posted on by

13

I’m skipping yoga for this so you know it must be good.

Where to start?

Right with the good stuff?

Or maybe with a quote?

Yeah…

This quote means a lot to me. Not just because it keeps turning up in my life — remember how last week I watched Cinderella Story…

Creepy!

Anyways, it reminds me of an epiphany I had. Today’s session with my therapist brought up the ideal of beliefs. In particular, false beliefs. And after the session, where we worked through some of the things I tell myself that are just downright wrong but that form so much of how I treat myself, how I view the world, and all that good stuff, I had a couple of other realizations. Good session, much?

Now I’ll dive right into it–what does fear have to do with fro yo?

…well. Tonight I was going to meet some friends for fro yo. I had in my mind that I would be A OK and that I just wouldn’t have any since I am trying to lose weight.

Logical enough, right?

Wait, W T F Cheryl?!

Something’s up when I’m telling myself I need to lose weight and accepting it at face value….

As recovered as I am, as much as I want my weight to be “happy” and to take care of itself, I still have a belief about myself that says I need to lose weight. And regardless of whether or not this is true, it informs everything I do. Yes, I am free from ED, but I am not free from this belief and I have a feeling that the belief has been around longer than ED and that it’s something I need to work through if I really want to live the life of my dreams—and since I’m not ready to settle for anything less than that, here goes! It’s like if I give up this belief, if I start to trust that I really AM awesome already, I’ll be doing something wrong. But that’s wrong–there’s nothing great about settling.

One thing my therapist did to help me bust through my beliefs was to ask me what it would look like if I still believed them in 5 years. So with this one, how will my life look in five years if I still think I need to lose weight? What might I miss out on? It’s kind of sad. Maybe I’ll get a job, maybe I’ll get through nutrition, maybe I’ll feel like a phoney because shouldn’t dietitians have this weight stuff under control, maybe ED will still be lurking around the corner, maybe I’ll still feel unattractive, maybe I’ll still be single, maybe I’ll still devote my energy to managing my weight instead of finding and pursuing my purpose, maybe it will be just okay.

And today/in my current life, the belief that I need to lose weight is dangerous. It keeps me on the edge of relapse, wanting to restrict, saying that it’s okay to skip a meal here or there and eat frozen yogurt instead (and then questioning how it’s ever possible to allow myself to have it on top of dinner?), adding extra training into an already solid training plan, working out through injuries, not giving my body the fuel it needs, leaves me feeling unattractive, sets me to self sabotage when I do eat something I think is “bad” or won’t help me “lose weight”, saying no to invites and thus missing out on experiences etc. etc. etc.

In short, it leaves me living a half assed life.

Conversely, how awesome might my life look if I decide that I am perfect the way I am and start really walking the walk (not just talking the talk). In five years, I might be a dietician with a successful practice working with athletes who struggle with their own body image, I might have written a book about all of this, I might be a regular contributor to magazines out my whazoo, I might be qualifying for Kona, I might have a boyfriend, I might love my body and think of myself as beautiful, I might be the person I want to be! …yeah, I dream big. Change those “mights” to I will, and I think I have a plan.

And in the short term, it’s not might. It’s will. I’m changing the belief. So tonight instead of believing that I need to go to yoga because it’s exercise and I should exercise more because I need to change my body, I am going to believe that I need to listen to my body, recognize that I’ve already worked out a lot today, and save the yoga for when I’m fresh. I’m going to take the time to write this blog post and then I’m going to meet up with friends and eat fro yo even though I had dinner. I’m going to wear my clothes that fit right now and make myself look good in them instead of wearing gym clothes and telling myself I’ll wear my “real clothes” when my smaller stuff fits. I am giving myself permission to be happy regardless of my weight and am going to really take to heart that advice that I like to give: if you are healthy in your actions, your weight will end up where it needs to be.

Basically, what if I change my belief so that I truly believe that I am exactly the weight I need to be? Instead of whining about feeling like I “deserve” to look fitter or to be smaller, what if I accept that this is what my body wants to weigh and give myself credit for running, swimming, biking, and doing yoga like a boss (shout out to Kate on that one). And if I treat myself differently for it — allow myself the rest/recovery I need, give myself healthy meals, have room for frozen yogurt and treats, and exude happy cuz that’s what I am — isn’t that kind of more important than being a size 4? If I go out with friends, sleep in, go on road trips, and smile the whole time — isn’t that kind of the point of life? What if I already deserve all that?

I’ve read a lot about how letting go of your need to lose weight will set you free and you will find your happy weight. I really thought I was doing it, but I kind of had the realization that I was just faking it. Maybe half-assing it. And I don’t believe in that! Already I’ve noticed the ways that this belief plays out in my life: telling me that I should  go to yoga and that I should just meet my friends at the yogurt place but not have any. And that’s huge–consciousness has to come first! And I’m ready to take action, because to be honest, this belief hasn’t gotten me anywhere in the past except frustrated and unhappy regardless of what the scale says. That’s the kicker. When your whole belief system says you need to be lighter or that you are somehow wrong, how could you ever be happy, regardless of how small or big your butt is? When you shift that belief and really believe that your body is perfectly perfect the way it is, I am guessing you find that blissful happiness and confidence that has been so elusive for so long.

And I’m rambling. But I’m letting it all out because I’m dedicating myself to actually changing this belief. It’s not really easy to change something that I’ve believed for as long as I can remember (recall diaries from when I was 9 talking about how I was going to lose weight), but I kind of feel like I’ve stumbled onto a huge realization here that’s going to just catapult me into awesomeness.


But NEWS FLASH: we are meant to be awesome, happy, and to love ourselves! I’m done holding myself back and keeping myself miserable. It’s time to get happier. :)

It all reminds me of, Life Doesn’t Begin 5 Pounds From Now, a book I read a long time ago that I think might need to come off my bookshelf now. And of a whole bunch of quotes about seizing the day, living your life, and all that good cheesy stuff.

Here goes…

And sigh*

What kinds of beliefs do you have about yourself that might be limiting?
Did you follow this post at all or was it too much word vomit? 

Excuses vs. reasons

Posted on by

4

Yesterday was:

a) delicious 

b) my last real day of classes (since most of my lectures are on Fridays/online and this week is a holiday)

c) a reality check

d) not my smiliest day — contrary to what my photos from last night’s Campus Recreation year end banquet might suggest (being with friends sure helps to cheer me up!)

Today I’m planning on:

a) smiling more

b) being ridiculously productive

c) going for a short run

and

d) sharing my insight with you…

Yesterday afternoon, I just wanted to lay in bed. I had a to do list filled with school assignments and random errands just beckoning for me. Think a hamper full of dirty clothes, a sink full of dishes, an overflowing recycle bin ready to be sorted/taken out, cheques to be cashed, groceries to be bought, etc. etc. etc. I also had ZERO energy, a sore shoulder (and the accompanying anxiety), a little bit of a cold, and a whole lot of apprehension about the fact that this year is ending. That translated into me spending most of the day on my couch wrestling with the itty bitty shitty committee that sometimes tries to take up post in my head.

Yesterday, I was back on the beating myself up for being “out of shape” or “lazy” train. I was off track with my workouts on my training plan this week because of the shoulder/skipping swim/being allowed to run this week. Even though I swam in the morning, I felt like I should have been going for a run in the afternoon. My tight hamstrings and tired mind told me otherwise. It all spiralled downward and soon I was beating myself up over the mini eggs I’d eaten earlier in the week. Who does this sound like? Certainly not like the healthy, happy me I know I’ve become.

After reminding myself that you don’t get fat from taking a day off or from eating dessert and that fat isn’t the issue—because for me it’s rarely about the food or the workouts—I knew that I needed to just take care of me. So I gave in to the need to do nothing “productive” for the afternoon and decided to fake it til I make it, something that was huge in my E D recovery. Sometimes the tools I used come back when I get into a funk, and they worked then and will work now. I’m grateful for my friends and my sister’s help yesterday to start smiling again, and I am glad I went to the banquet last night. I still felt off, probably ate a bit more than I might have if I wasn’t stressed, but I took care of myself and when I got home (early) I tried to chill out and re-centre. There might have been that voice telling me that I shouldn’t have had dessert, but saying it and writing it down makes it easier to recognize that voice as stupid and to say back that dessert is okay. I’m doing a good job. I’m not lazy, I’m not fat, I’m not a pig, I’m not any of those things. Then I can take my energy and put it towards the things I want to do (see my friends and family this weekend, train, clean my apartment, finish my homework) and even the things I don’t want to do (laundry).

It’s all about perspective. Those “excuses” — things being sore, feeling sick, being tired, wanting to go to the banquet — are valid reasons to bypass a run.

And, what better way to wrap things up than with a little cheese?

Do you ever get down on yourself? How do you pull yourself out of a funk? 

What feels right

Posted on by

6

Morning!

When my alarm went off this morning at 5, I woke up no problem! I had plans to go to a spin class at the gym for 6 (aka in 7 minutes), but I found myself laying in bed instead. It’s not that I wasn’t wide awake—I was—but I just wasn’t feelin’ it. When I get up and go to the gym too many days in a row for 6am, I feel drained. I might not need to be at home, and I do still have to get to campus for 8:30 class, but there’s something recharging about being able to sit at my table and eat my breakfast out of a bowl instead of a tupperware, watch the Today show, and get ready at home every once in a while! I love morning workouts, but not every single day—and I’ll still love an afternoon workout too!

So getting up for my morning workout but postponing it til later just feels right. :)

I get the exact opposite feeling when I read all the news about the article in Vogue where a mom talks about putting her seven year old daughter on a diet, doing things like denying her dinner or publicly humiliating her at Starbucks (I want to read the real article, but from the GMA and Today show segments I saw, it seems like a pretty troubling story). What became apparent is that the mom seems to have food issues. I have this feeling that her daughter would have grown into the weight and ended up at a healthy and happy weight rather than having been subject to a year of her mother controlling what she eats and planting a whole bunch of ideas about “good vs. bad” food and needing to control eating in order to be “healthy.” If, on the other hand, the girl did need to lose weight, which I really doubt was the case, there’s a reason why. Why not figure out why she was carrying extra weight in the first place and deal with the issues instead of making weight the issue? ‘Cuz weight’s never the issue.

I thought that some of the backlash was tough on the mom, who must have issues herself (and even admits it in the article) that it’s the worst article in Vogue ever, according to Jezebel. At first I felt a little bad for her, but then I realized she was putting pictures of her and her daughter in Vogue, something she and her friends would read—even if I bought that she was trying to help her daughter, publicizing it in the name of earning herself a modelling opportunity in vogue seems a bit selfish, doesn’t it? And then I heard about a book deal she signed, and I just sighed and decided to blog about it instead. I also came across Charlotte @ The Great Fitness Experiment’s take on it — she’s got a good summary and take on things too!

How do you feel about morning workouts every day?
Did you get caught up in this story from Vogue?
What do you think about the diet itself/putting a kid on a diet? How about putting the story in Vogue or using it for a book deal?